[kklost]

Kel1 – I am so sorry. I will try and find your story.

Are you together still? Or are you apart?

I hope that you are getting stronger. You sound so strong.

[kklost]

Dazzaot – are you the user? Have your family left you?

I hope you are ok.

Well done for 14 days!

[kklost]

Do you want to talk about what happened?

It’s ok if you don’t.

I just feel I need to prepare myself and try to be ready.

Today he called GP and GP was brilliant.

He has bloods and an ECG booked for tomorrow. He has been referred to a drug counselling service.

We are then due back to the GP on Friday.

[kklost]

Thank you.

You are right.

I’ve set my own boundaries and my mum is being so amazing. She really is my rock.

I’m sure loads of women say he has one chance and don’t follow through. But that’s not me, he has one chance and then that’s it. I have 3 beautiful children and will not put them through it.

Today it’s to the GP and banks.

One day at a time.

Thank you for being here and being to the point. It shocked me but I so needed it. It helped me a lot.

[kklost]

Thank you. I will keep talking and I will keep learning.

I’m on day 3 of being in the know. It has been such a shock

[kklost]

Gosh I read your reply and my heart rate when crazy.

I am so naive to this… I don’t know where to turn. I don’t know what to do.

I can’t stand by while he does it again.

But you sound like I am a fool and he will. I’m shitting myself as he just can’t do it again.

I looked at that man and never ever thought he would drug take. I would have stood in court and said to police no, he doesn’t drug take.

I honestly don’t know him.

I want to spin the days forward to when I know these answers.

[kklost]

I’m lying here awake and so upset.

I can’t believe you have done this

I can’t believe you needed drugs

I can’t believe you have been lying to me about something so dangerous, terrifying

I so scared of you

I so scared at how I am a fool as I had no idea at all.

I was completely blind from this

I feel like you have died and I’m all alone

I can’t see how you will be clean and off drugs

Our sons are so beautiful

Our sons are perfect

Our sons are what I live for

You have failed them

You have done the one thing a parent never does and puts yourself before your child

I am sobbing and have a huge weight on me like I’ve never ever had before. I can’t describe this pain.

Why was your life/our life such a crap place to be?

Why was everything I wanted not enough for you?

Why were me and the boys not enough?

Why did you need this?

You have promised me the most you can.

You have said you will do everything to make this right

You have told me everything I want to hear

You can’t be a statistic and relapse. You can’t do that to yourself or me.

You can’t spout off that you have been clean two days (as I start this from 29th May) and ever take cocaine again.

You can’t ever ever take it again because I won’t survive it. I won’t make this if you do.

I won’t be standing by your side if you slip up even once

I have never ever meant this more – YOU CANT EVER do drugs again. There is no 3rd chance. There will be no family, I will only be here now and never again if you let us down.

You have one shot

[kklost]

Likely not labour…

[kklost]

I feel so sorry for you. I don’t think you can do anything if he’s not coming to you.

I always looked in on this world (been in it 2 days… so I’m clueless I now learn) and thought if it was a child, it would be easier to fix, as you have that parental hold. I think it’s less labour to help a child now I’m living it.

As he isn’t living under your roof (don’t know if that’s good or bad) you have no idea or say/power to ‘stop/help/sort’ it.

My husband has just confessed he’s an addict and promised me the world – he says he will do anything to get this fixed, but I am terrified I’m a fool for believing it. Is it easier to help a spouse as they have more to loose from me, so I can help him see what he will loose.

As it’s your son it’s not the same bargaining tools? Am I even making sense?

How old is your son?

[kklost]

Your last paragraph about dreaming of the future and your retirement hit me so hard. I think of this time with my husband and now wonder what the future holds/if we will have a future.

I hope that your husband sees sense soon. Can they even do that?

I’m on day two of knowing. I feel sick and pray I won’t be having to make the choices you have described.

How do you keep going? I feel like I can’t.

[Author]

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