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An Addicts Journey – Change is Possible it was supposed to say, not all that mumbo jumbo!
Hi, I’ve just brought my story back up so you might want to check it out under the Share Your Story forum
<h2 style=”-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0.5rem 0px 1rem; font-family: ‘Big Shoulders Display’, sans-serif; color: #183264; vertical-align: baseline; font-size: inherit; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; border-style: none; caret-color: #183264;”>An Addicts Journey – Change is Possible</h2>Sorry to hear what you’re going through. Call the police when he’s in this state, my wife did towards the end of my addiction days (Feb 2022). Severe consequences are what addicts need for that wake up call else they continue using without ramifications (any mild or medium scale ramifications don’t register due to Cocaine numbing your emotions)
Hi Navy
Yes it’s been 8 months now (feeling grateful that you know!). I’m doing fab thank you for asking and was hoping you’d say the same. Again thank you saying I should be proud of myself. Truth is I selfishly I recovered for me and this is where I started, with myself . I had to ignore doing it for my blessed family because if this was going to be a permanent change, it had to be for me. I was sick of all of the ups and downs, the ups were artificial to ignore deeper internal pains and the lows were so bad that I had to keep on taking.
No matter what manipulation (or emotional abuse) is applied, take the emotion out of it and you’ll come to understand it’s all his doing. Blaming you or the environment he’s in will validate his usage. Easier to blame someone or something than to look within.
For those that are blessed, you get tired of looking out and start to shine a light on yourself as it comes to light you have everything (even if you don’t it’s no excuse to continue using) and the common denominator to your problems is you. This realisation is impactful because it’s the first step to recovery which is admission. This is all about only those who want to be helped can be helped.
Navy and Elf it sounds like you’re both in similar situations. It took my wife months to say to me that I need to leave and comeback when I’m of some use to my dear family. This was the start of a 4 day bender in a hotel on my own. Ironically this was also the end of my previous existence.
Only by my wifey pushing me out did I realise the pull of love, hugs and cuddles was greater than getting high. Initially when wifey asked me to leave I was ecstatic because it meant I could be on my own and sniff to my hearts content however reality was very different (eventually). I was left on my own drinking whiskey neat and had more bags than I knew what to do with. It was this moment I knew I was done with this chaotic lifestyle.
Moral of the story above? Consequence finally hit home. Addicts master the art of 2 things – Lying and Manipulation. It becomes a game, like a gambler who gets high off the anticipation of placing a bet and not the outcome. This is the sordid existence of an addict as we become so immune to emotion and the damage we cause to our loved ones to have our own selfish ways with the devils dandruff.
Hi Navy – thanks for referencing me once more.
Qwerty I am so sorry to hear what you’re going through. I shan’t regurgitate my story however well worth a read. Unfortunately (and fortunately in an ironic sense) there are many parallels to be had regarding the stories of addicts. They’ll lie with all the evidence stacked against them because the truth is too painful to bear. I could never have admitted I had a problem until it really was a problem. Even then I kidded myself that it was all under control so I could seemingly keep using.
Sadly users can only really quit as a result of consequence. You as a loved one can action the consequence as you don’t deserve this but you really can’t help them quit unless they really want too. For me when I stopped, I stopped for me only. I unintentionally stopped for my 2 lovely kids and my gorgeous wife but be in no doubt I stopped for me so I could present the best version of myself to the world.
I wouldn’t change who I am for anything in the world. My wifey is currently out and I’ve had a delightful evening with my 10 and 7 year old watching films and pigging out. The old me would’ve allowed the kids to sit on their iPads, I’d have had my mate around drinking and sniffing waiting for my wife to come so I could literally have my wicked way with her. Point being that once you really want to stop you see the beauty in the world. There is so much love around but most of us are blinded by it.
Sadly there isn’t much you can do but protect yourself and not allow your partner to effect your happiness. This is his problem which he needs to fix, you can only make it know what is acceptable and what isn’t. I’m he chooses the latter then you have your answer regards to what he’ll continue to do. You don’t deserve to live a life of worry or doubt because you’ll never trust that person implicitly and this will effect your mental well-being.
Hi Navy
It’s quite clear when someone doesn’t open up about something either they know there is a problem but can’t face it or they don’t believe there is a problem. I used to fob my wife off all of the time.
Addicts will often turn things around on you which is what I did all of the time. This is to create doubt,an illusion or smoke and mirrors diluting the truth. This used to make my wife think she was nuts which is a form of mental abuse, something I’m deeply ashamed of.
Sorry I didn’t respond quicker!
Cocaine isn’t a drug that you are dependent on from a physiological point of view but highly addictive from a psychological view.
The steps were all mental, I recited to myself every morning that today is the day I won’t do coke. This days multiply into weeks and into months, 7 months now for me. I no longer recite the mantra about coke but this is due to my completely changed life. You might want to check out my post An Addicts Journey – Change is Possible to get an insight ????????
Well done on recognising change is required if this is situation you find yourself in
You’re welcome my dear, amazing is a strong word! We all have so much more power if we work together towards a positive goal of contentness. As human beings we procrastinate alot because it means we don’t have to action anything, quite often until it’s too late.
You don’t know where the rest of your life will take you, one things for certain, no good will come out of this situation if you just stay in it. Negative vibes create negative actions and add no value. You don’t function as well as you could and the world doesn’t see the best version of you.
This is your chance to break free, who knows, your hubby might just comeback to you after he’s seen the light, he might not. Protect yourself and be in charge of your own happiness my sweet. Far too many of us rely on external objects to satisfy ourselves because we’re so empty. Guess what though, you’ll always end up with yourself yet many of us don’t look within to seek that high that we think we’ll get from coke, alochol, a new car, a bigger house, latest phone etc
Stay and more importantly feel blessed Navy, you got this!
Your husband can only comeback if he wants too. You can lead a horse to water but can’t make it drink, as sad as it is. An addict only changes if they want too, not because you want them back.
You may have lost him for now but he might recover. Only real way is as a result of consequence. Again, I’m not going to tell you what this looks like. If he really loves you then in his deepest darkest hour he’ll see the light. If he doesn’t then you have your answer.
I’m coming to with you the advice above based on no emotion, as hard it is, emotions dilute decision making and shouldn’t be taken into account when making life decisions.
Your mother would be right, you’re mental well-being is being degraded everyday, your self worth is taking hits everyday, you’re not a baby sitter. He’s a grown man and he’s got decisions to make. If he chooses to shove coke up his nose to get his fix then let him go buckwild, it won’t end well for him but he chose his path.
You say your previous had multiple affairs and it must be your fault. This tells me your self-esteem is low. Again, taking emotion out of it, self-pity serves no purpose and only allows you to become of a victim mentality. You have to find the courage within to say that you’re better than this. If a man chooses to go elsewhere for sex while in a relationship then more fool him. Same with coke, always chasing, never content.
You hitting out because you found coke is a reaction to HIS ACTION. I highlight HIS ACTION deliberately, notice the clue in the title, HIS.
He can blame mental health (by heck I did) or whatever he wants but he’s living in a bubble. Mental health is heavily effected by cocaine use. I even took anti-depressants, saw my GP etc and it became one great big game. I even had my monthly telephone consultation while high so I know the lengths addicts will go too.
You’re not babbling, us interacting will provide comfort and guidance to all that read these messages whether you are the family involved, the addict who knows what I type of but fails to act or recovering addicts who can endorse what I say (and also help creates layers / barriers within the brain as to why they should never go back there)
Aaww bless you, I was hoping I wasn’t right for your sake.
Don’t be down, it’s not your fault, as sad as it is, protect yourself regarding your mental well-being.
I’m not sure of your personal circumstances regarding children however to seek clarity, what would you advise your own daughter to do if she was in your shoes?
I thank you for your kind words but honestly this is all about helping you and others ????????
Hi Navy
Honestly, asking anything you want, not a problem.
So, the bedroom. A few things, was he able to perform and if he was did he last longer than usual? Did it also feel different in that he wanted to do anything over and above what you guys would normally do? Reason why I ask is because when I was on it, I would also take viagra with it as else I couldn’t perform. Cocaine however would heavily delay me so could perform pretty much all night.
If he was horny but couldn’t perform then cocaine use could be a possibility. It restricts your blood flow which obviously isn’t good for a man and the bedroom!
Low blood pressure could be brought on by a lack of appetite as coke increases blood pressure and provides you with abundance of energy.
As an aside one of the reasons I couldn’t let go of cocaine was the sex. When the wife and I drank together, I would sneak off and sniff, stop sniffing 2 hrs before sex and then pop a viagra. We would then be having it away for hours.
Strangely in the moment (or hours) it seemed great but reality was she was only trying to keep up to please me. How disrespectful to make my wife that she felt she had to continue with sex on the basis that I wanted more, more more.
Anyway, now we still have the same passionate intercourse except it doesn’t last 5 hours but half an hour of innocent fun. My brain had been hijacked thinking sex was only great with coke now and anything less than that wasn’t worth it. This took time for me to understand along with everything else. My senses are just much more heightened now (naturally) and its better than it ever has been!
Hey Charm
I get it. Read my posts previously and see if it resonates.
I’ve been where you are my friend and it’s not pretty.
Once you’ve read my posts then tell me what you think. I could type for hours about it but let it sink in what I’ve posted so far