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Hi Bellapop – here’s my username and you should be able to click on it and find my posts “An Addicts Journey – Change is Possible”
Lindyloo thanks for mentioning me ????????
I’d like to contribute more however I’m off to do a 10km Tough Mudder in Liverpool! Will check back in soon and provide some thoughts
I guess put it another way, if your daughter was faced with a hubby like yours then what would you advise?
Hey my friend
I came clean about 6 months ago. I went all out and relinquished any method of accessing cash (leaving just Apple Pay). My phone left open for any impromptu checks and basically all of my movements were accessible.
I came clean to family and friends so really had no where to go or no where to access coke without leaving a trace (not that kind!!).
That one half of your brain telling you to be straight is the spirit, the other half is the beast. Unfortunately your spirit is currently intrinsically weak as the beast has ruled you for quite sometime.
Have a further read of my posts on here and happy to help 🙂
AbandonJ
Sorry to hear about your situation.
You were good enough and have no part in being blamed for the breakdown of your marriage.
Reality is he chose his path. Part of this will be down to the drugs and alcohol. This will have severely numbed his emotions. An addict will always choose the path of least resistance. A normal family life doesn’t align itself well with an addicts way of being.
Now, I can sense the resentment to this other woman. This will be hard to read, I don’t believe she’s got any blame in this. Your husband chose his own path, she was there as the path of least resistance. She’d have allowed and maybe even encouraged this way of behaviour with no recourse back to him so he doesn’t have to take any responsibility.
Now you’re at a crossroads. You either live life with yesterdays baggage forever hanging over you or you look forward to a fresh start with limitless opportunities. Resentment will only have negative consequences and won’t allow you to grow as an individual. If anything you’ll become the shadow of your mere self as these negative emotions eat away at you.
I wish you well
Hi SCO722
I feel your pain. As Willbebetter has said, Alcohol is partly your downfall but more than it’s your mindset. Once the seed of coke is planted in the very nature of our being it’s very difficult to let go of.
Just as your noting how often you do it which is great think about life free of any substance abuse (including alcohol). Start at the end with the perfect you and work backwards as to how you want to achieve this.
Alcohol or any substance abuse inhibits our growth whether we like it or not. It takes up space within our lives, whether it be looking forward to that first drink or that first line, that’s all your mind gets consumed with. Think about the space you’d have to grow without these things in your life. What else could you do with the time available? Rediscover old hobbies, discover new ones possibly? This isn’t the time to create a definitive list and action it immediately but have faith in the process.
I wasted so much of the last few years counting down the days before I could effed up that I forgot how to live for the moment. Before I knew it I was getting effed up everyday. I’m not saying your here yet but life has a way of springing these things up on you.
Sacrifice the joys you think you’ll have today for a better tomorrow. Before you know it, they weren’t sacrifices at all but mere traps.
Bless you. Trust me mate, all you had to do was mention Coke on a Friday morning and I’d be there by the evening, that Friday feeling, weekend vibes etc. Many of us use alcohol and many substances to escape from the life we ought to live at the weekend, it becomes a vicious circle, a Debbie Downer Monday / Tuesday, Wednesday a lil chipper, Thursday – well yeah, i’m not bad actually, Friday – yeah baby, party time, it was fine really……until the downers are so bad on a Monday that you need to start to taking it to get through the week to function and then Friday to party….
Well done on knocking your coke friends back, it’ll take a lot to break the so called friendship but hold strong. I haven’t changed my circle of friends, I just don’t do coke any more, simples. I no longer have mates around until early hours of the morning while we rack up (family asleep upstairs). I’ve seemingly found new friends (don’t force this, with the new Gemma and reinvigorated vibes you’ll send off this will come naturally) as I’ve emptied out my late night gatherings and created space for new experiences
You’re tired because you’ve exhausted your body, lack of sleep, poor quality of sleep, terrible nutrition (with perhaps alcohol?), lack of vitamins, poor hygiene etc. My first week or so recovering was spent practically sleeping, crying, eating a little, rinse and repeat
I’m glad my words around no emotion hit home. No one ever says giving up this world was the worst thing they ever did.I used to believe that yes i’ll go on this new path but the old path was just so exciting wasn’t it? No……you have to truly create the live you want to live, not live the life you used to have minus all the bad stuff, that’s no good for you either else you’ll always believe you’re missing out or feel empty inside.
Have a read of my previous posts which might give you some more insight…
Doire, well done for posting. Not that I’m an expert or have any qualifications in this field however check out my posts, now 6 months clean, may provide an insight into what it takes to recover outside of the usual great support which I am sure is out there…
Gemz, a pleasure to respond however I bet you wish it wasn’t under these circumstances
So….you’ve tipped a bag down the toilet, wow….the old me would’ve gone stuck my hand down the toilet and tried to ressurect it somehow, the old me would’ve been sniffing the floor for any crumbs so you know what…WELL DONE!!!
Thats quite a big step to take and you may look at this as your turning point. Recovering addicts all do.
Don’t be ashamed of yourself, the drug does that, we all have a choice but the enticement is too strong until…..you say enough is enough and you begin to regain your life
Yes – the many times I tried to quit normal life seemed dull, nothing excited me more than a great big slug, nothing seemed the same….then I quit 6 months ago.
Coke numbs your emotions so even though you recieve natural positive energy back (ie watching a comedy show, love from your kids, partner, family, friends, a new car, watching your team score a goal, watching a great film or whatever you’re into) you won’t be able to process it. The drug does this and tricks you into thinking only a line or a bag will give you eternal happiness. What an utter load of nonsense this is. This is the internal beast within your mind playing, literally playing with you encouraging you to ring that dealer, do it, do it, tempting you like a waste of space this internal beast is. Remember what life was like before coke? Maybe you don’t but I bet you smiled, had jokes and generally enjoyed life.
Now this is where it gets interesting, give the spirit within you some air, let it express itself, its been hiding for far too long get quashed by the beast. The spirit because its been hidden or ignored for so long during the first few days of the comedown won’t seem like much. Make it your mantra that today is the day I don’t take coke. One day at a time, let the spirt wrestle back control just a little. The beast will kid you, nah mate, you’re all mine, you’ll comeback to me eventually, you always do you pathetic cretin. This is literally what the beast is saying a few days in.
You get to choose, you really do, just have some faith my friend. The spirt within a few weeks (I know this sounds horrendous right now) will start to get stronger like a muscle, the beast coming at you stronger and stronger. Watch this an observer playing out over and over in your mind – you’ll get clarity this way.
A few weeks in, the world WILL look different. You’ll start to tentatively smile, laugh and perhaps feel a little love and maybe will be able to give some genuine love back. More you give back more you’ll get back. Before you may have received it but it didn’t register. Now as the shackles are slowly starting to come off, you’ll feel more.
I’m now 6 months in and I get chemical hits all day from the moment I wake up to the moment I sleep. No more thinking of how do I get through tomorrow, no more dealer drops, dodgy exchanges on backstreet corners with the dealer looking at me like the waste of space I was having not slept for 3 or 4 days. No more lies (oh gawd the lies, they became exhausting but the beast just said to me lets keep lying, everyones so stupid, you the man, lets sniff sniff sniff!!!), no more missed meals with my blessed wifey and kids. I’m now in the room, in this world as a man to serve a purpose, a man on mission to carry his load and to make my families shoulders that much lighter.
So…..you have a choice my dear friend…..be strong, have faith and courage and go forth. See the drama within you playing out, don’t ignore the beast, respect it, acknowledge it and then just 😉 at it and say, not today bruv, not today….the days roll into weeks, weeks into months and although I am not blessed to say I am into years as tomorrow is never promised but by heck I’m going to try
Keep well 🙂
Hi Clairebear
I was the same as your hubby. Sad truth is if he continues in this way he’ll have to suffer consequence for him to change. Very rarely will one just wake up and say that’s enough. What that consequence looks like I don’t know but you must remain steadfast in wanting a normal family life. This is what my wifey would say to me. She just wanted to do what normal families did, go out for dinner, have dinner at home at the same time, cuddles in bed, kiddies to stay at home with their Daddy and chill watch films etc while Mummy went out.
First step really is admission and acceptance of the mess they’re in and only then can you change. For some this never comes, for some when it does it really is a blessing from a higher force of nature that they must change
Pandabear – there is always a way out my friend, first step is to talk to someone, reach out, make that your initial goal!
We all make mistakes, by heck I’ve made plenty. I also couldn’t stand myself and knew my time had come, I needed to change for once and for all. There was a whole life out there waiting for me and I just didn’t know it.
Please, for humanities sake talk. Maybe only a little or a lot, you’ll see the love we all have to offer another in need
Hi Cookie
Sorry to hear of your situation, head over heart I guess is what you’re faced with.
Your life has seemingly changed relatively quickly and that is down to the powerful forces of the drugs.
The relapse your partner had was blamed on you and he shunned his responsibilities or acceptance that only he had control over this. You didn’t make him do it.
Let’s be clear, you have nothing to feel guilty about. He’s brought this upon himself. I as a recovering cocaine addict know all too well that you can blame others for your ill conceived actions to deflect the reasons why you do certain things. Hence why acceptance of who you are is so very powerful.
He could be lucky and have an awakening before it’s all too late or suffer the consequences of such an existence. He has to stop for himself first of all, not for you or the kids. Only then can he present himself authentically to the world.
I’d reiterate you have nothing to feel guilty about. You can help him however he has to help himself first.
Bro (guessing so with Mart77). When I was on it towards the end I’d think the same as you. When I gave up the booze and coke over 5 1/2 months ago there were 3 character traits I identified (amongst many others). I was a liar, manipulative and a cokehead. These labels helped me accept who I was, choice was quite clear – do I continue on this path or do I really want to change? I chose the latter
I’m not going to sit here and say you’re not an addict, a cokehead or even a pr1ck BUT……you can stop, you be strong and you can be in a world which accepts you as a kind hearted strong individual with plenty to offer
Truth is many of us wander around on this merry world stuck in their ways with no room for growth, sacrifice today for a better tomorrow
I do hope you comeback to this forum and read this as I used to do the same, get on it and feel broken and read this forum thinking I really wanted / needed too change. I did it hundreds of times until I ran out of steam and then I knew this was my moment to make a change, a permanent change for the good of all man…