[kulstar]

Just picking up on what you said about someone drove you to it. One of the first steps is to accept responsibility for your own actions, else you’ll always have someone else to blame. Acceptance opens up your heart and mind to admitting you’ve got a problem and attempting to do something about it.

Unless someone was holding a gun to your head making you sniff lines else they’ll shoot you then you have to accept it was you who made those choices. That’s the pull of the drug but we have to be stronger than that, nurture the spirit within and not the beast

[kulstar]

Tracie I’m a recovering cocaine addict. Been clean for 5 1/2 months now, no booze no coke.

In my humble opinion you could well stop coke and just carry on drinking but I bet by the 5th / 10th / 15th time of drinking you’ll be on the blower to get some gear in.

If you retrace the steps back regarding coke, it would’ve started with you just drinking. Eventually you’ll cave.

What’s required is a complete reboot of your mind. Trust me, I’m not saying it’s easy by any stretch of the imagination but my motto very much now is create the life you want to live as opposed to holding onto the one you are imprisoned in.

I was imprisoned in mine for years, get on it at the weekends, comedowns during the week and off we go again. Any event in my diary had coke and booze attached to it and I’d have to make sure that the following few days didn’t have anything too tasking within them.

All depends how badly you want it, write down what your perfect life looks like. Dream, dream big and drugs and drink shouldn’t have anything to do with these big dreams

[kulstar]

Hey JamesB, I hope I wasn’t too forthright in my last post. Hope you are well

[kulstar]

Hey JamesB, I hope I wasn’t too forthright in my last post. Hope you’re well pal

[kulstar]

Hey JamesB, I hope I wasn’t to forthright in my last post. Hope you’re well pal

[kulstar]

Hi SSW, sorry to hear about your position. You might want to check my story, its very much like me with me being the hubby.

I did the whole despicable thing of making my wife look crazy when she was rightly asking the same questions of me and my behaviour. We become manipulative and master the art of lying that we end up seeing it as a bit of a game towards us continuing our selfish behaviours – we’ll do almost anything to get our fix.

The truth of all this is only HE can change IF he wants too. What you’ve mentioned is he’ll get professional help if you want him too which just isn’t enough. The pull of the drug is what it is but he’s got to take responsibility for it all and got to want to make the change for him, not for you or your children but for him alone. This is the only way it’s sustainable.

He’s got to have a complete mind shift in how he views himself, the principles and values he must align himself with. If really does this the transformation is incredible. Maybe a transformational coach would be advantageous?

[kulstar]

Hey Rolty123. Sad to hear about your situation.

Truth is he won’t change unless there are consequences it seems. Your love, as well intended as it is creates a safe space for your hubby to selfishly behave the way he does. As long as he feels safe with you around he’ll continue.

None of this is your fault, always always remember this. Until he sees the error of his ways he won’t change. He’ll most likely blame you for the reason why he drinks which is completely irrational. All mind inducing substances (alcohol being one) will numb his emotions.

You don’t deserve this life but if he knows you’ll always pick up the pieces then the vicious circle will continue.

It’s hard to say but he needs consequence to make a change. What that looks like is not for me to decide.

Keep smiling as hard as it may seem…

[kulstar]

Ask anything my friend.

My wife is all to conscious of my prior existence, it has in reality only been 5 months.

Be aware of the destruction caused as the consequence of your actions. Let that be a reminder of the evil path.

When I came out and told those around me what I had become something shifted inside me. That shift meant I was able to deal with the past and draw a line (terrible pun I know!). I wouldn’t let yesterday define my tomorrow.

I admitted all, it was all my fault. I tried to make amends through apologies but this wasn’t enough, not anymore.

The biggest shift in me saw my lovely wife having a glimmer of hope that I was perhaps turning the tanker. This was only through actions, positive actions. Carrying my load around the house, attending to the kids like I’d never done before, being in the moment, back at the gym, putting my hand up for tasks that society dictates we need for a better world (helping Wifey with the charitable work, being my sons football team coach etc).

What you say about not doing bad things anymore and that you deserve for it to be forgotten. Yes, I too get sentiments like that time to time. That’s the beast right there trying to creep back in, recognise it, see it and then remind yourself of what you did in your previous life. Switch it the other way, how much faith could you have in your partner if they treated you the way they did?

The ego will always say you deserve more because you’ve been clean or been good. Again, remind yourself why you’re doing this? Is it for you or is to get something (appreciation, forgiveness, boost confidence etc). The latter are cleverly disguised as they are ego plays. What happens if you don’t get appreciation, forgiveness, a boost of confidence etc? You’ll sure enough go back to your old ways because you didn’t get back from the external environment what it was you were seeking.

Hold strong to your beliefs, principles and values (decide what these are). Do this for yourself and yourself only. You do this then you’ll change from within, people will see the change, eventually.

You mention your partner, never say never my friend. Your actions is the only currency she’ll recognise now, words are like Monopoly money.

You mention your daughter? As you love yourself even more selflessly, you will glow, your bond will strengthen with your daughter. Do something incredible (by this I mean 121 time) with her 1 weekend, do something whereby an external environment forces you together however you have that time alone with her. Forgive me I don’t know old she is but there is plenty you can do to strengthen your relationship. This will only get stronger.

Let me tell you a secret, although my recovery has been strong, my wonderful wife hasn’t actually uttered the words I Love You yet. This I think may hit home (albeit in different context however principles are still the same). Am I slightly saddened she hasn’t yet said those words? Yeah, perhaps a little. Do I let it effect us or any part of my relationship? Absolutely not, this is truly her prerogative, she’ll say it when she wants too, if at all. I know she loves me that is without question.

Truth is, I caused this, not her, not my friends, I did. I had the choices, I chose coke until it was nearly all too late. It’s never too late unless, well….you don’t have a chance to ever comeback.

But let’s be clear on one thing, I’m making the change for me and me only hence why I’m relaxed why she hasn’t uttered those words yet.

Hopefully the above helps bro! ????????

[kulstar]

Bless you and thank you ????????

[kulstar]

Aaww Lindyloo, thanks for your lovely words. Well done to your son and also a huge credit for you as a mother to get to know the “other side” to understand better.

The fact that your son had to be so strong is excellent. He’ll remember the same emotions and courage it took for him to get through it. I’m lucky the urges have been negligible due to my awakening.

Now that your son is here and 1+ year he needs to harness this time spent in sobriety. What I mean by this is he needs to recognise that a blessed path awaits him if only he lets get of the mental shackles of the past.

Forgive me if I’m talking out of line but some live a life of sobriety as if it’s forced upon them and they must exist this way. Problem with this is they deny themselves to actually live. Once you accept this as a natural way (and what’s more natural than living a clean life) of being this is where one really blossoms.

I am truly blessed going to the pub and not having any thoughts of consuming alcohol. I’ve been in circumstances whereby a friend was doing coke in front of me and I felt as I had just never done it. I know this is truly an unthinkable experience for some however hold on in there, reset the brains neurological reward pathway and you’ll be blessed also with natural endorphin hits all day long from the moment you wake up to the moment you sleep.

In terms of sensitivity regarding sobriety, I know exactly what you mean. You’re now awake where your sensometer is at an all time high and will continue to get higher. This is growth as a human being. It’ll feel surreal at times however stick at it and you’ll become to naturally learn how to deal with tough life scenarios rather than reaching for alcohol or coke. All this stuff numbs your emotions and the beast within takes over concentrating on self-gratification. The opposite of this is selflessness in the world of being sober.

Will keep posting as I yearn to help anyone who rids themselves of any mind numbing substance.

Together we stand ????????

[kulstar]

Aaww bless you James and thanks for your kind words, really appreciated.

It is for what we sacrifice today (sniffing) that we create space for growth tomorrow.

You know (and I’ve read your posts and well done on your journey so far!) that nothing good EVER came out of taking that evil path. Even when we thought we were having a good time, we really weren’t. We were simply wanting to pause reality and escape. Escape from what? Escape from our miserable existences? Again, write down what your perfect life would look like and coke wouldn’t be a part of this. Create the life you want to live, don’t Escape from the life you want to live.

I’m sorry to hear about your personal circumstances. You as well I do know that it’ll be a helluva a lot worse should you choose to start once more.

Truth James is that we all want a quick fix but tomorrow shall dawn once more (don’t I know it, the hours used to fly by when on it). Have we given ourselves the best chance to deal with what life has thrown at us? Yes but only if you’ve put the hard work and graft in to here.

Once you’re there in a state of sobriety and you’ve changed your very being and purpose for your existence you will receive back positive energy like never before.

Don’t get me wrong I hold onto the past but I use it now to remind me of how lucky and blessed I am in all parts of my life.

Harness life’s adversities my friend, remember that dreaded feeling after the event and use it to move forward.

Recovery involves a lot more than willpower and motivation. It requires a complete overhaul of our very DNA, a reboot or however else you may want to describe it.

Put another way, has anyone ever said sobriety is the worst thing they ever did?

You’ve got this my friend. Every time you overcome an urge, you callous the mind and become stronger. Don’t give into the beast within you, remind it that you see it. Feed the spirit instead and see the beauty that this universe has to offer, even in difficult times. It is these difficult times that will make you appreciate the love and compassion we all have to offer. The alternative is to numb your emotions and be a ticking time bomb next time life doesn’t go your way.

Stay blessed my bro, we ride these waves together ????????

[kulstar]

Apologies for the repeated post. It appears the forum posting doesn’t like quotation marks. I’ve tried to delete the previous post (one which is split into several posts!). Anyway, thanks for reading.

[kulstar]

March 2022 I started my recovery. I accepted I was a cocaine addict, I admitted and told my nearest and dearest what I was. A cokehead, manipulative and a liar (I told my parents, my brothers and their respective wives, my mother / sister in Laws and of course my blessed wife along with a few of my friends – maybe too many friends). Once I had accepted this was who I had become it felt as if the worries of the world had been lifted. It was now time to see the beauty that love and compassion had to offer. My words had no weight any more due to my previous actions and now it was time for action. Time for real change, visible change. My attitude to life became one of principles and values. One of being and reason. This shift only happened because I was ready. I don’t know how to describe it other than I feel truly blessed to type this to you all. I am one of the lucky few who had the chance to do this.

I see many families on this forum struggling, many users who are struggling and it is heart breaking yes. Only meaningful way I can see from my experience is you look within you, like really within you and ask yourself Do I really want to change?. I changed for me and me only. I knew by doing this that the world would get the best from me. If I changed for my wife then what would happen if we had an argument? I would only resort back to my old ways.

So here we are, 146 days on – my wife chairs the school charity and I help her out with activities related to this, I am my sons football teams coach, my work is back on track, my fitness is up, my wife no longer carries the load within the house and my 9 year old daughter (she’s my barometer to see if I’ve really changed, my 6 year old son would always think I’m his hero such is the nature of these relationships) and I have the best relationship we’ve ever had.

So what is the point of all of the above? I was a truly broken man end of Feb 2022, now I am unrecognisable and this is all truly possible. Michael Jackson Man in the Mirror, are you ready to make the change? Only you can answer this my friend, if you are there is a whole world waiting to see the best of you……..

[kulstar]

Jan 2022 started off well but short lived. I couldn’t rid myself of this grip that this drug had on me. I managed a few weeks off it but something would always lead me back to it. This something being a blind spot or the beast within my mind daring me to make the call. It had got so bad that I had the dealers account details and he would place the copious amount of bags in the letterbox so I could slide my hand in the box and pick it up discreetly. I didn’t even need to leave the house now! All I wanted to do was watch porn and consume cocaine (along with alcohol to bring me down). You can see the downfall here, cocaine to take me high, alcohol to bring me down and it seemed forever the cycle ran.

Come end of February 2022 and my blessed wife had had enough. She just said You’re no use to us at the moment, just go and clear your head somewhere. This was my moment to do as I wished, yippee! I left our home and checked into a hotel and basically drank and snorted until a few days later. My moment, my realisation had come. I missed my sons first football match. I had taken him to training, supported him and had been his biggest advocate over the previous 9 months. Just when it mattered, I wasn’t there.

This was my dawn and my awakening. One of my best friends came to visit me at the hotel a day or 2 after missing my sons match. He saw a broken man, he took me out to get something to eat, I bought a bottle of lemonade and retreated back to my room. I knew I was now in this stage of going cold. I couldn’t do it anymore, the ups and downs, the lack of being in me as a man, the one that my children couldn’t look up to as a Father, the Husband who wasn’t really there. My wife had to carry the load and now, well now…..was my time.

[kulstar]

I sought help in July with a couple of sessions with a Psychiatrist who said I was fine and I did feel fine. August and here we go again. The rest of the year was filled with ups and downs, resorting to anti-depressants which helped mask my erratic behaviour (and gave me something to hide behind). Xmas came and went while on it. New Years Eve I didn’t end up staying awake, the kids and my wife celebrating the New Year in our bedroom while I lay there unable to move, disabled from the days of abuse. What had I become?

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