[l54321]

Wow you sound like an amazing, patient, caring man who deserves to be treated better, if only love was so easy to choose the ones that put us first as we do them. My husband is an alcoholic so a little different but he’s an addict and ruining my life. He was sober until two weeks ago and has just ruined my Christmas, I have three daughters and he has one, all spending Christmas with us. I had to call an ambulance for him yesterday evening (not the first time) due to serious withdrawals that drinking more alcohol could not help. I have held everything together for the four children who to be fair have just cracked on and enjoyed themselves, dancing and playing music, opening presents etc. I have kept up my face of happiness the entire time whilst inside feeling like I want to crawl into a hole. I am exhausted having to contain my emotions and having to pull off Christmas prep over the last two weeks all by myself whilst dealing with a man child I am also caring for. He is still in hospital now on Christmas night and I miss and love him so much. My mother came over yesterday evening and tore me a new asshole for loving and marrying him, I was so desperately trying to hold normalcy together and I’m angry that she couldn’t respect that there was nothing I could just ‘do’ on Xmas when I have four kids here. He isn’t violent or angry or abusive, he’s just bloody useless and full of self pity when he drinks. The lies are the massive thing for me, the trying to convince you that it’s in your head and you’re paranoid to the point you have to question yourself only to find out your gut instinct was in fact spot on. So far this year he’s had four drinking spells that have involved the hospital and they now want to contact social services to check everything is ok at home. So far this year I have lost a baby, moved house, found out my eldest was being groomed to self harm, and my daughters father was diagnosed with kidney cancer, all of these somehow gave him a green light to screw me over by drinking. He has ruined my last two birthdays and this Christmas. When he’s not drinking he’s brilliant, works long hard hours, we have a brilliant relationship and yes we cling to the memories of these times, the horrendous times dim after a couple weeks and somehow we forget, until the next time. Your girlfriend encourages her daughter to take the same path as herself and you are absolutely doing the right thing by letting it be known it’s not right, it sounds as if you have literally exhausted every avenue to help her to lead a better life for the sake of her children. What I am learning is that I can move the money out of the account and lock the alcohol where he can’t get it but when things go back to normal at some point, usually when I need him the most he screw us over again. I definitely don’t have the answers and not sure where I go from here to be honest, the everything is wonderful face has to stay in place for the kids and the rest of the holiday. I truly hope you find your happiness.

[l54321]

Hello stargo I’m sorry you’re going through this on Christmas Day. I myself called an ambulance for my husband yesterday, we have four children in the house. He is an alcoholic and started drinking again two weeks ago, I am exhausted with everything I have had to do alone to prep for Xmas and look after him as well, I feel very broken at the moment. He has not been discharged from hospital and I don’t think he will for a couple of days, they have him on oxygen and morphine and he’s waiting a scan to see what damage there is inside. I love him very much but feel very angry towards him right now, my disappointment is bitter to the core. He wasn’t even capable of buying me a Christmas present this year and I console myself that the girls are happy and still had a lovely Christmas. He has ruined Christmas and my last two birthdays by drinking and ending up in hospital. My ex husband and father of my girls was diagnosed with cancer in November so my husband decided to drink again. We found out My daughter was being groomed online to self harm in October so he started drinking again. Every time I need him or there is a special occasion he turns back to his alcoholic ways and instead of having support I have added worries with him, anything nice I look forward to he ruins. I don’t think it’s intentional it’s a disease but I do not think I can continue. Social services have been notified so they will be contacting me to make sure everything is ok at home. He isn’t angry or violent drunk just absolutely useless and now I feel like I’m a bad parent for loving him. My mother shouted and screamed at me yesterday for being with him. It actually makes me hate her, she isn’t supporting me just blaming me but that’s her way of coping I guess. I’m not sure I have much advice except look after you and your son, you are not responsible for his actions and cannot control them, I am sending you love and hugs and here if you’d like to talk. Xx

[l54321]

Hi Joanne, the fact that you are feeling bad and reaching out says a lot about you acknowledging and wanting to get your habit in check. Only you can change what you’re doing, addiction is a cruel way to have to lead your life and will not only effect you but all who love you. My husband is an alcoholic who I had to call an ambulance for on Christmas Eve with four children in the house. The last week he has been unable to help with any Christmas preparation and I have not even been able to leave the children home as there would not be a responsible adult in the house. He is still in hospital now and whilst our four daughters have had a lovely Christmas, it’s been marred by dad not being here and my Christmas has been completely ruined, add to which my own family have turned around and had a go a me for loving him in the first place. I am exhausted and feeling very alone. While you are in this frame of mind and wanting to change please go with it and take any help on offer to you, I’m sure you would never want to be responsible for making anybody feel how I am and more importantly the shame and disgust that I know my husband is feeling right now, in hospital having been put on oxygen and morphine and waiting for scans to find out what damage has been done. I wish you the best of luck, being an addict doesn’t make you a bad person or unworthy of love and you deserve to be happy, being an addict will only bring you and all who love you misery. Xx

[l54321]

That sounds like absolute hell my love! What a total selfish manipulative ass. I know he hasn’t always been that way but it’s hard to comprehend how he can turn into this person and treat you and the kids as he is. It sounded like he had hit rock bottom this last week but somehow then found some even deeper depths! You are being so strong, don’t ever doubt yourself. I think you have no choice but to just let him spiral to his own destiny as nothing you’ve done seems to make him want to change. I feel so sad for you. But you won’t lie for him or give him the means anymore and that’s a massive step to protecting yourself and the kids. Him being arrested hopefully has bought you some small comfort that he can’t harass you or put himself in danger? Have you got someone there for you Kellie? Can you do something nice for yourself and the the boys, you need to be kind to yourself huni. You can’t pour from an empty jug. I know it’s hard holding everything together when you have children and just want to have sometime to feel ruined. You are amazing dealing with this the way you are. Xx

[l54321]

That’s all you can do, take control of yourself and concentrate on the kids. I am so sorry Kellie, and my words can never touch the surface of what you must be feeling. Keep talking and reach out to whoever you can, you deserve some support and need to look after yourself Xx

[l54321]

Oh Kellie it’s bought tears to my eyes reading this, I am so sorry sweetheart, I wish I could be there for you more than messaging on here. I just don’t know what to say as there is nothing that will make you feel better at this time. You are so strong and deserve so much better and so do your beautiful boys, if you decide it’s not over there’s no shame or judgment in that, it’s not always that easy. But if you do decide that it is just know that you WILL be ok and you and the boys will be happy, happier than you are now. That is not a suggestion to get rid, I would support whatever decision because it’s yours to make and I am here anytime you want to vent, the transition would be hard but brighter in the end. I cannot imagine what you are feeling right now. Sending you so much love right now xxx

[l54321]

I know Kellie there doesn’t seem much support that you can just reach out too whenever you need to. I must be in a bit more fortunate position as my work colleagues have been supporting me and a good friend who’s 2 decades older was with a cocaine addict many years ago, he was the love of her life. So she doesn’t judge me. It’s a shame your family don’t seem to be supporting you more. Can you ask the people he’s seeing today where you can access something because as you say you/we are the ones that have to hold everything together for the sake of the kids? How did the social services thing go? Hopefully they are being supportive towards you and the children. And I am here anytime you want to talk or vent, I don’t know what I would have done without having you to talk to a couple weeks ago, sending you virtual hugs. I hope everything goes ok today, fingers crossed. xx

[l54321]

Hi Kellie, how’re things with you? I just thought I’d check in with you and see if everything is still on the right track. I truly hope so. Things here are good still, he seems determined not to return to drink but still early days And we can only take it a day at a time, but he’s trying to claw back the money with as much overtime as he can for Xmas and so I can catch up on bills. Anyway I was thinking of you so wanted to send you some love xx

Naomi, I hope he has turned up now and things are looking better for you and you’re getting some support xx

[l54321]

Well all I can say is good on you!! I take the stance that if you’re going to behave that way and try and ruin our lives and cause so much stress, if you want to do that to yourself you’ll have to steal to get it! They committed to the bills and that’s what the money will be spent on. I moved all money out of the account and he still gets nothing until I feel it’s safe to do so, even though he’s sober two days it’ll take weeks before I can give him a fiver. I’m glad it’s reassured you that he is ok though, that is a massive relief I’m sure. I am collecting a secondhand cabinet tomorrow with a lock, it has handles a chain can be put through and a combi lock will be put on and you can get alarm tags that you can fit so I am doing that as well. I’m taking no chances over Christmas and if I have any family over I’d still like to be able to offer someone else a drink without the worry that he will go nuts and drink the lot and end up back in hospital. What a bizarre way to live and I have no desire to spend the early hours of a Sunday morning again counting the recycling so I can work out how many bottles of wine he has stashed away and then spend hours trying to find them! You definitely deserve better, we all do, but we can’t help but love them still, it doesn’t just disappear. Keep us updated lovely and I hope that he turns up soon preferably with the incentive to change. X

[l54321]

That is great Kellie! I hope he continues down the right road but as you say we are unable to foretell what will happen in the future, I feel the same that I don’t want to get hopeful that things will be totally different going forward as we aren’t the ones in control of the situation, but that’s an amazing start. You have been such a support to me too and helped me keep my sanity, I guess that’s what this site is for, I hope you manage to start sleeping better soon, I look and feel 100 years old at the moment. Please let’s keep in touch and hopefully we’ll be able to continue feeling some peace. Xx

Naomi, I am sorry that’s awful you are still in the dark as to his whereabouts, Kellie is right that when they disappear it’s to make us feel like shite and worry about them and it’s so selfish and heartbreaking. Sending you massive hugs and please keep talking to us if you need too, I would have been lost without Kellie to talk too. I truly hope he turns up soon or makes contact so you know he is ok at least but as suggested perhaps telling the police if he’s in a car and they will be able to find him. Xx

[l54321]

Oh Kellie I know I feel so sleep deprived too although mine is getting a little better. You did the right thing calling the police even if he doesn’t think so! I said I would call the police on Sunday if he got into the car, which was what he was talking about doing so the kids wouldn’t see him in such a state. Fortunately the girls think everyday is party day and we’re upstairs dancing and singing to Christmas songs, all I could do was cook a roast and go on a washing and cleaning mission, after the ambulance took him away at midday I was so relieved. It’s good he is in the hospital maybe it will be the turning point for him? For a short time if nothing else because let’s face it, it never seems to last forever! The lies are awful, I also got angry it’s so hard to control and yes they want a cuddle and reassurance and then to screw us over immediately after. Mine went back to work yesterday and is now second day sober but can’t forgive him at the moment. Hopefully the hospital will be able to sort him out and it bought me comfort knowing he was safe. Have you got a good understanding friend that doesn’t judge or lecture? Sending you loads of love xxx

[l54321]

Oh Kellie I really hoped that your disappearance meant things were better, I am so sorry to hear that it’s not. My heart breaks for you, me and everybody having to deal with the selfishness of addiction, if only leaving were that easy!! People are so narrow minded and insensitive when you really need them to just be there for you and not dictate, it’s just because they care though and feel as helpless as you do in many ways. I too have been so worried about Christmas and two kids with birthdays in December. I had to call an ambulance yesterday with four kids in the house, I spent Saturday night searching for the wine I had hidden that he found and then hid in numerous places, I failed and the selfish bastard drank the lot! In two days he drank 5 litres of cider, 10 bottles of beer, a litre & a half of babysham and 7 bottles of wine, wtf!! The the ambulance woman told me he admitted he drank bleach before they came so they put him under whilst in hospital. While I looked after 4 kids and tried to continue as normal for all the girls. I’m still in shock today after everything and keep bursting into tears for no reason. I wish I could give you a hug and tell you it will all be ok. Is there anyway you can take control of the finances so he can’t get what goes in? I find it’s the only way I can keep control, I won’t even allow money for fuel now he’s sober, I will go to the garage and fill up myself. Sending you lots of love and please message me anytime xxx

[l54321]

Hi Kellie I’m so sorry you are having to feel this way. Mine left the house at 4 o’clock this morning, I also have no idea where he is or if he is ok. I feel so broken but having to work as neither of us will be earning money otherwise. I’m so devastated I feel physically ill and I cannot stop crying. Sending you massive hugs and hope you hear something soon xx

[l54321]

I think this is how we enable them because we hold everything together and stop it falling apart, but what other choice do we really have. I also feel like getting shot of him but the reality of going through with it is so different, what about the kids, the house, money, starting over, I keep telling myself one day I will just get shot and be done and I will be ok and I honestly believe I will be and so would you. When I went upstairs a short while ago he was awake but definitely not there and I wasted my breath telling him tomorrow he can pack his bags and get to f***, I would have received the same response I got from saying it to the toilet. I hate that I have to endure everything while he checks out of reality. I hate that I am searching the house, car and garden for booze so I can confiscate it and I hate that I hide alcohol so he can’t drink it. I’ve hidden it in the chicken coop, bin anywhere inventive I can think of. I hope your husband returns soon and starts to deal with what he has done but every time I think we are getting somewhere he screws me over again. Xx

[l54321]

I’m scared mine will lose his job as well, Christmas is coming and four kids to create a happy Christmas for. Mine doesn’t have any family to support him as he was put in care at 3yrs old and stayed there. It nice for his mother to take the easy unhelpful option of giving him money and sending him away. The lies they tell are so damaging, this morning I asked if he’d been drinking, he said no, I knew he was lying and it’s funny how you can be drunk all day to the point of unconsciousness and yet not have touched a drop!! It must be a bloody miracle! We are made to feel like shite for asking because we know they are at it. I swear the last two days he has drunk on his way home from work because I just know he’s not been right, yet when I’ve spoken to him deny deny deny until my ex husband’s misfortune gave him the perfect reason to just get pissed and not give a damn. You are so right I also feel so alone, but having you to talk to is helping me and I hope it’s helping you to not feel so alone too xxx

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