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Liza – can totally sympathise. My partner is living at my house and his addiction getting worse. He puts drink and sniff before – in my opinion – his own children. They stay with us every other weekend. They are great but the little one is still getting used to me and won’t let me change her nappy. I will never force her and scare her so I always wake him to do it. Sometimes he complains and I go ballistic at him for neglecting his children. I was busy working at home this week and I gave him £25 to get chicken nuggets, oven chips, apples, orange squash and yoghurts. He phoned whilst out for another £20. Expects me to believe he spent £40 on it!! I thought he needed fuel.
I feel like a fool for supporting him because I’m pretty strong and financially independent. I want the old him back who was sweet and kind and didn’t lie. I haven’t asked him to leave because I hope rather than believe that he will change. His father was an alcoholic and died of a heroin overdose when my partner was 9. It seems no matter what you do, the apple dosn’t fall far from the tree.
I don’t have any helpful advice – but you not alone and when you are ready you will have the strength to do what is needed.
I’m not sure I can help much but I can totally relate so will say you are deffo not alone.
My partner is very similar although we haven’t been together so long. Recently the lies have been around me telling him he can’t borrow money and then finding out he’s borrowed it elsewhere and got in some really sticky situations.
I’m missing the person I met who was funny , outgoing and kind. He is now currently depressed and sleeping all day and last night said he wanted to die (again). Just when I think he’s doing better, something new comes out the woodwork. I know I need to cut my losses or he will drag my very successful life down. And I’m at the point where it’s him or me – and I choose me. I’m also desperate to help him. It’s really hard so I feel for your situation xx
That’s a nice idea around the diary.
I’ve only just found this forum and I’ve realised that everyone’s stories lead to the same point – which is they will only change if they want to. And I’ve realised maybe just in time that I’ve supported him to a tune of about £16k and I have to stop and apply first aid to myself before it’s too late.
I thought he was starting to do better as he stopped asking me for money and I stopped giving it – and the this week he came home and said he owed £200 to someone else and they were hassling him. So basically he just does what he wants and f**k everyone else it seems. Am so glad I found this site – has give me some gumption back x
You are doing the right thing.
I am the other way round to you in that we have my partners children every other weekend.
Today my partner is definitely not in a fit state to look after his children. He downed 12 beers and a whole bottle of sherry last night and sat up drinking until 6:30am.
I’m about to call their mother as the little one is 2 1/2 and is refusing to let me change her nappy and I don’t want to force her and frighten her.
I worry when they are here becasue I don’t want to leave his own children with him so I can go out. Trust me – you’re doing the right thing.
I’m about to ask him to leave my house – he needs to get his life together and realise what he’s got and what he can lose.
Put yourself and your little ones first- good luck x
It sounds very familiar although my partner hasn’t said he wants to try to change aside from worrying about his daughter.
When we met we would have dinner together and he’d have a couple of beers a night but nothing major. Now it’s the same – he always wants weed after dinner or sniff. I don’t drink now and have never taken drugs so I just don’t get it. It’s such a waste of money and it stinks too!
I’m missing terribly the person I met – I don’t know where he’s gone but I’d like to try and get him back.
He’s also had a dreadful childhood with his father dying young of a heroin overdose and his brother died later in a car accident. I stupidly thought he would see a life with me as take the opportunity to start doing better but I think my success just makes it worse for him.
I’m not being terribly helpful – sorry! Guess just good to know you aren’t alone in it all.
Hi -my partner is the same. I have just posted about his drinking but he also into coke and weed and has been since his teens. Now early thirties, he is trying to change because of his children but I’m not convinced now he can. We live together but I am in a state now where he gets his stuff together and sorts himself out or he goes. Sadness is I know I will be making him homeless if I do that so full of guilt.
I am trying to get him some counselling and hope that helps. I too can see a good future for us but definitely not like this.
Let me know how you get on – I’m about to go down the same route as you with trying to help. All I will say is look after yourself first 🙂