[laura86]

I am alsothe wife of a cocaine addict. I have recently split up from my husband, because of Cocaine. Everything you have written about is nearly the same as my husband describes. My husband is currently on a 12 step programme and doing really, just got to his 30 day sobriety. Fingers crossed he continues on the same path. But I have to be realistic, I know he will relapse at some point. But I will deal with that, when or if it happens. Thank you for sharing this post. It will help a lot of people including myself.

[laura86]

Sorry to hear this Hox, he probably doesn’t know how to feel, because Cocaine supresses emotion, well at least that’s what my husband says. I completely understand not wanting to see your husband. I was the same. I didn’t see mine for 2 weeks when we split up. The emotion was too raw for me to deal with and I knew seeing him would make it worse. Do you know where he is staying? Luckily my husband, had a good family member that he Is living with. I attended a group, that supports people with addicts in their family. I have found it very useful. It’s nice to talk and offload to people, in the same position as myself. The most important thing you need to do, is take care of yourself. We are all hear on this forum, to support you in anyway we can.

[laura86]

Thank you, I appreciate your reply. I’ve read your story and realise that we are in a similar situation. (It’s rubbish!!!) I have stopped being angry with my husband and have calmed down. Him leaving was the best decision for myself, him and our children. He has started to attend cocaine anonymous. He says he is really benefiting from the meetings and attending twice a week. Has your husband moved out yet? Do you have anyone you can talk to regarding your situation. I have a large circle of friends, but only confine in a couple, because I feel embarrassed of my situation and don’t want everyone gossiping about me. I feel that I can only talk to people who are in a similar position as myself and know what it feels like to be 2nd best to cocaine. I do find this forum helps me with that. Take care of yourself. X

[laura86]

You should!’t feel so hard on yourself Danman. Relapse is all part of recovery. I can understand your disappointment, but you have realised you mistake. This will make you stronger in the long run. Addiction is a disease. It takes a long time to recover. This is just a bump in the road. Pick yourself back up and continue on your journey. You have been clean for 2 months and you will be able to be clean for 2 months again. I wish you the best of luck. We are all here to support you on your journey.

[laura86]

Sorry, for the late reply, nearly 3 weeks later we are in a different position. The anger towards my husband has gone (well most of the time) my husband is attending Cocaine Anonymous 3 times a week and seems to be finally taking his addiction seriously. We are still not living together, and won’t be for a long time yet. But finally he seems to realised that he has an addiction, getting help for his addiction and sticking with the help. Unfortunately the trust still isn’t there, but both of us know that, it will take a long time to build up again. I am trying to be positive with him and encouraging his achievements, he is on day 18 now. The only thing that I am scared about is relapse. I know that this is more than likely going to happen and I have to mentally prepare myself, for when and if that happens. Can I mentally go through all this again (I know I’m being selfish) maybe I should just concentrate on the here and now. Not what the future could hold. Has anyone else had experience with relapse. How has everyone dealt with it?

[laura86]

Than you for replying to me Danman83, He has admitted to me that he has a problem before numerous times.

He has seeked help before, by gives up after a few weeks. I think he thinks that it’s going to be an instant fix, which it isn’t.

I probably sounds selfish to a lot of people, but I have given up with him. I can’t put myself or the kids through this for any longer.

He is beyond my help now and I can’t put up with his constant lies. He does it at work, I found evidence in his work bag and he does it at home in the evenings, while I’m at work and his suppose to be looking after our children. He used to say that alcohol was the trigger, but he has been doing it, while not drinking.

I know that the addiction is not his fault in some aspects, but I get so angry with him. I just don’t understand why he still does. I often say that there is 3 people in our marriage me, him and cocaine. I’m never gonna compare to the cocaine. So I’m fighting a loosing battle. I just hope some day that he can get clean.

[laura86]

Your story sounds so familiar to mine, it’s unreal. I work evenings 5 nights a week and my husband looks after our children. His been using cocaine while I’ve been at work and his looking after the children. He tells me a the time that he has a problem and needs help. But he never actually seeks the help. He lies so much now, I never believe a word he says. Today was the last straw, when he spent all his wages on cocaine last night over £500. I have left him. I need to make myself and my children my priority. I need to love myself again instead of worry what my husband is doing, or worrying if he is lying to me again. We argue all the time about it and my children witness it all. I decided I need to stop enabling his addiction and concentrate on us for a change. I have tried to help him so many times, but nothing works. I hope your situation works out. I am now seeking counselling for the emotional scars and lack of trust issues I have as a result of my situation

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