[lauraj]

Hi all,

Just wanted to say that I’m still here and intend to respond to everyone who has left me a response ASAP – I’ve had a major water leak at my flat so spent the last few days trying to sort it out – nightmare!

Hope everyone is okay xxx

[lauraj]

Hello,

I’m so sorry you are having to go through chemo and hope this is all going well.

This is exactly the same with my ex, he is the sort of ‘ring leader’ as he has everyone round to his house and if he just didn’t do that then they wouldn’t be able to do it. It’s so frustrating. I’ve personally never taken anything (except alcohol), so I find it difficult to understand the hold it has on him, especially when he feels horrendous and it takes him 2 days a time to fully recover.

I also get the cycle of him being very loving to extremely reactive/defensive, where he acts like I’m trying to argue with him over absolutely nothing. For example, I once joked that that it took him so long to text me back that it was ‘the worlds longest reply’. I was clearly having a joke with him and he completely kicked off, saying I was picking at him again and nothing he ever does is good enough. I was just always walking on eggshells but he tried to turn this around and say he has to watch what he says to me.

You have done 2 months without him and that is amazing. The more time the goes on, the stronger you will feel about it and the self love will come with that. I’m also working on my self esteem as I seem to attract men who treat me badly in one way or another (my previous boyfriend before this one cheated on me multiple times).

Again, I’m here if you need to chat. It’s hard when people don’t understand your situation as they’re not directly affected.

Take care,

Laura x

[lauraj]

Hi Smh1987,

Thank you for your reply!

If I’d of known what I know now, in the nicest way possible, I wouldn’t have stepped foot near this relationship. I love him dearly but he has caused me so much stress that I am now taking anxiety medication.

I live alone but I do have wonderful parents and friends who would be there in a heartbeat if I needed them. For now I am coping quite well as I have realised I need to get away from this situation before it destroys my chance of ever having a proper family and life.

I’ve also posted yesterday about my particular situation in more detail if it would be of interest to you (not sure how you search it but I titled it something like ‘Heartbroken and in need of advice’.

I hope you are doing okay and I would always be happy to chat. I’m pretty active on this forum so I will keep an eye out for any replies.

Take care,

Laura x

[lauraj]

Hi Danman,

Thank you for your reply, it’s interesting and so helpful to see it from this perspective.

I’m doing okay at the moment as I’ve realised I can’t continue with this cycle anymore, hope you are okay too and well done for getting clean as I know how hard that must have been.

He uses pretty much every weekend and it’s not just a little bit, it’s a whole bag each time. He also has terrible comedowns and says he hates the person he is etc. and I’m always there comforting him and picking up the pieces..his mates are nowhere to be seen at this point. It’s exhausting.

We don’t have kids no but I originally did want them with him. He continually said he would stop if we did but I just don’t believe him anymore. He will also never get rid of these mates as he has been mates with them for a long time (longer than we’ve been together). They all use and drink heavily so I just can’t see him seeing them, being offered some and saying no. Especially when alcohol is his trigger and he doesn’t use unless he’s had alcohol. I also don’t expect him to drop his friends as he would be even more miserable without them. He’s just put me in a horrible position really.

How did the drug use start for you, if you don’t mind me asking? I’m just interested to see if this was also a social thing that turned more serious.

Take care,

Laura x

[lauraj]

Hi Hilton,

Thank you for your reply.

If it comes to it, one day you will be strong enough to walk away as you will see that this is no life to live. I have held onto hope for so long but the pattern of behaviour just doesn’t stop. I’m not sure what your situation is, but my now ex partner had a close group of mates who all did the same thing so it’s just part of his life now. Stopping the drink and drugs would mean not seeing his closest friends – I can’t ask him to do that so I am leaving.

We both deserve better as much as it hurts and I hope you are okay. I’m pretty active on this forum if you ever want to talk.

Sending my love, Laura x

[lauraj]

Oh and I am also blocked / removed from all social media! Probably a good thing really

[lauraj]

Hi there,

Just browsing and saw your post. I am going through pretty much the exact same situation. I broke up with my partner last weekend as he lied to me about going home at a decent time (he told me he was at home and therefore not taking any cocaine and alcohol, as we were suppose to meet the following day – he’s my social lockdown bubble – whereas it was 3am and he had continued his night drinking etc elsewhere).

Because I called him out on his lies, he reacted angrily and ended things, saying he is fed up of my criticisms and needs time to work things out. I know he just lashed out and jumped the gun because he thought I was going to break up with him. At this point, I am done with it..it’s causing far too much stress and anxiety and I just can’t accept the drugs. I tried to end the relationship last week but he promised he would prove to me that he can have balance and call it a night earlier so that he is not hungover all weekend when he sees me.

I know how you are feeling and it is awful, but you are not alone. Use this time to focus on you and take back control of your life. You might end up realising that it’s just not worth waiting around for. As other people have mentioned, people with substance use issues are very selfish and will only do what they what, when they want to.

Stay strong and have a think about what you really want it life…this is what I am doing as I genuinely cannot put myself through the disappointment anymore and deserve more for my future, as do you xxx

[lauraj]

Hi Poppy,

I’ve just been scrolling the forum and your post really resonated with me. My boyfriend of 2 years also takes cocaine recreationally but I think he has an addiction.

He does it every weekend without fail, even if he is just having a few drinks with his mates at his house. I went round to check on him today at 3 in the afternoon and he was still off his face from the night before. I hope you are okay..I understand completely how you feel. I also hate drugs of any kind so it really goes against your morals and boundaries when they know this and refuse to stop or just don’t even try to.

I personally don’t think I am willing to put up with it any longer after the amount of conversations he has promised he will stop. I hope you manage to sort things out, but please don’t let it be at the expense of your own mental health.

Laura x

[lauraj]

Hi Ash,

Thank you so much for your reply.

Yes I think that’s one of the main issues – all of his friends do it whenever they have a drink (even if this is just a chilled one at someone’s house) so I can’t even go out for a drink or two with him as I don’t like being around it. I can’t build a future with him as I don’t think we could live under the same roof since he is so irresponsible – he has even had drug dealers knocking on his door looking for his mates due to all of their involvement and I cannot believe he would put his loved ones at risk like that. We are not married with kids so it would be easy enough for me to leave him.

He is patronising sometimes when I try and speak to him about it, saying I’m like a teacher he’s scared to see in case I ‘tell him off’. He also let me down with plans a lot due to being hungover from drink and drugs and I know that I deserve better than this.

Again, thank you for your advice and I’m pleased that your husband is clean now! 🙂

Best wishes,

Laura

[lauraj]

Hi Deb,

Thank you so much for your reply.

I do think I’m going to end the relationship as I can’t see things changing while he is friends with this same group – he is 28 now and shows no signs of stopping or slowing down. I would never tell him who he can or can’t be mates with so I think it’s best for me to just remove myself from the situation completely.

I did not have to seek treatment for my anxiety until I was with him so I’m wondering if this whole situation made it worse. His behaviour is also erratic and I never know where I stand with him. One minute he will tell me how much he loves me and the next I’m ‘so judgemental and need to loosen up a bit and I’m apparently ‘highly strung’ for having these concerns.

It’s been a huge burden for a while now and I can’t cope with it anymore, especially because he now argues with me a lot and puts less effort into our relationship.

Again, thank you for your advice and I hope your son continues to do well with his recovery.

Best wishes,

Laura

[Author]

Posts