[lauren09]

I wish I could give some advice but I just wanted to reply to say I can relate to your story. I found out 2 years ago that my partner was addicted to cocaine. He racked up an enormous amount of debt & i thought we were on the brink of losing everything. We also have a 2 & 4 year old. Since his come clean with his addiction he has done really well to stay off it but there have been relapses.

I often wonder if this will ever go away & without professional help I really don’t think it will. There’s not a day that doesn’t go by when Im not checking the account for money going missing or suspicious of his behaviour or what his doing. I think with help and support I’m sure your partner can get better but it is a long road & it isn’t something that can change overnight. I really sympathise with you as I know how hard it can be. Your partner has done a step in the right direction by going into rehab & I hope it helps him to recover from this. Make sure you get help for yourself too, this is something I haven’t done & 2 years down the road I am still struggling with feelings of resentment & hurt with what he’s put us through. I’ve decided I’m going to see a councillor.
You have to stay strong for your kids & only you can decide if you want your future to be with him or not. It is really hard but stay strong. X

[lauren09]

Thank you. I’m discovering more & more how much he lies…. I don’t know if I can do this anymore with him. It feels like his mums just turned her back on him while I’m left living this nightmare of questioning everything he does, checking every bit of money. We argue a lot & some of the arguments get quite nasty. Some days I just want out…. But I feel trapped. I don’t feel there’s anywhere me & the kids can go and he will never leave… He said he’ll go back to the meetings but it’s always half hearted & he seems to find ways out of not going. Does it ever stop the questioning and self doubt of what there up to? He makes me feel like I’m dramatising everything & I’m over exaggerating about it all. He played so many mind games when he was using, he made me feel like everything was my fault. Like I was the reason he was in a foul mood, or I was lieing to him about whatever…. I want the kids to have their dad around but not if he goes back using. But so much has happened between us, some days I just hate him so much & he makes out he hates me. I hate the kids witnessing this kind of relationship. I know I need to be strong & I appreciate your replys. I just struggle some days wondering if I’m strong enough to deal with this. Xx

[lauren09]

Thank you. He finally admitted it. He swore he never bought any but saw some kids doing some in a toilet & got some off them. I don’t believe him 100%. What I’m realising is how many people do it. How many of his friends are doing it… And these are all good people with decent jobs & family’s. There not kids anymore experimenting! I’ve asked him to go to meetings & I don’t want him seeing he’s friends anymore in that environment when they are all drinking etc. He’s obviously not ready & I’m tracking he’s finances even more. I’ve told him I want receipts of everything he buys so I can see when he’s being getting cash back & what it’s getting spent on. If he can’t do that then I’m taking his bank card from him. I know he wants to stop & I know he wants to do the best by us. I just really hope he can.

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