[legospin]

Thanks

I will

We had another chat last night

I guess it’s important we keep talking.

I told him I’m sorry if I say the wrong things etc and we just need to keep telling each other how we feel

[legospin]

Thank you.

I feel like I’m on eggshells a little not knowing what to say or do

[legospin]

Ah I’m sorry about that that’s awful he can’t be supportive

It’s been a couple of very strange days

It’s not going to be sunshine and rainbows I know but we are a few days down the line and on the right path for now

[legospin]

Hi both

I don’t know if it helps but I also get the same

The always say you lash out at the one closest to you.

My partner has said sometimes it’s almost like if he says all this stuff and I leave then it proves him right that I was always going to leave

I had a long talk with my MIL last night and she’s told me I have to draw a line – I have to stand up to him and say no you are not saying that to me.

It’s so hard when you love an addict as I’m finding out. The illness takes over the person we know them to be and we end up bearing the brunt of their unhappiness.

As I’ve found with my husband unless this week – they have to absolutely hit rock bottom to realise they need to find up

On Sunday my husband made some analogy about how he drinks:takes stuff as armbands to keep afloat and not drown

I said to him no. Absolutely no. They aren’t the armbands. Those things are the things drowning you and making you sink.

As friends and family have said to me this last couple of days “think what you want. Don’t just accept this, think about your well-being too”

I’ve told my mum some of it

He’s told his parents everything

He’s also told two of our friends (a couple)

This support network will make it easier for us all I think.

It’s taken a long time to get here though:

Sorry for all the babble:

Just remember – we are not alone. It’s so hard being the partner of an addict, and so hard being an addict too – but we have to find support and find ways to remember it’s not our fault xx

[legospin]

Hi

Thanks

Monday i was a mess.

Yesterday was a little easier and I focused on tidying the house etc

Then he asked to come home

I am picking him up today

We have hardly spoken since Sunday apart from the odd text.

He’s made some very positive steps the last few days and I do think this time feels slightly different as he has puts steps in place to get help. And his parents now know everything, and I guess now they know we have their support but also he will know he has to stay clean/sober for them too as well as me and the kids.

I’m under no illusion it’s going to be rainbows and unicorns and magical from here on in.

I spent an hour talking to his mum last night while he was at the cinema with his dad. It felt really good to be able to talk to her and her tell me things.

I told her all the stuff he’d said to me about it being my fault, leaving me, etc – and she said he’s been saying the exact opposite to them. That he loves me, he can’t imagine life without me, and that he takes advantage of my love for him which he knows is wrong

He’s waiting for a call back from a service through work to start counselling. They’ve said he can have 7 free sessions. So see what happens

[legospin]

Hi

I don’t know exactly what to tell you as it’s my husband who suffers with addiction – but I wanted to say well done for making this post.

It is so hard to make that step yourself

Do you have someone that you can trust to support you? To tell everything to and have their help.

Cutting off contact you have with your source of getting the coke could help.

Make that call – speak to someone who can give you proper advise. It’ll be hard for sure – but if you have someone who could sit by your side while you dial the number would that help?

[legospin]

Hi

I’ve found I get the “blame” too

It’s my fault that I don’t understand him / we are different people / we want different things / this is just who he is and if I can’t accept that he’ll leave

It’s always threats of leaving – all about making it my problem

I’ve just posted to say it’s reached a head here and he’s realised how much of a problem he has. He’s left for a few days – I don’t know how long a few days is.

[legospin]

Hi

Sorry for lack of replies.

Have you managed to get better support?

His drinking has been horrible these last few weeks. So incredibly heavy. Just at home of evenings etc. He said on Thursday morning that he know he was drinking too much and wouldn’t drink until we go out for dinner on Sunday. . . It’s 8pm on Saturday night and he’s taken himself to bed because he can’t handle not drinking.

To be fair to him / he’s not touched a drop today and only had 4 cans yesterday (compared to the usual 8-12 – although was about 15 on Weds) so I know he’s trying

In January he did a whole month off and he’s promised me he is going to do it again this Jan

But right now I hate it. I was on verge of going to shop because I can’t stand him sitting there in silence. He’s snapping at me and I’m trying not to take it personally but it’s hard.

I can’t win.

I’ve either got a husband who is drinking himself into an early grave or Ive got a husband who is moody and not interacting at all due to his battling his desire to drink.

[legospin]

Hi Bifters

One day at a time I would say.

Youve recognised and admitted you have issues with alcohol which is a huge step to take and you should be proud to take that first step

Please don’t be afraid to talk to your wife and gain her support

We can be incredibly supportive when we know what’s going on

You only have to tell who you want, when you want, one step at a time

[legospin]

Hey

Sorry it’s been a bad week

Same here regarding being dependent etc

I spoke to my husband and as I thought he got angry / sulked

The next morning he said he was sorry for being angry and he was angry at himself for lying to me

We’ve still got talking to do because he thinks because he doesn’t drink spirits and because he isn’t sbusive then it’s ok……

[legospin]

Hi MeStre

How’s things?

More hiding today and I want to talk to him but I just don’t know how to without it ending in an argument

[Author]

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