Your not alone, I’m struggling too this Christmas with an addict husband. Out of the blew 2 years ago it started cocaine and alcohol. Life has been turned upside down just soul destroying it never stops and everyone around me doesn’t understand and hates me for forgiving him and trying. I hate myself sometimes. It’s so hard to cope with the constant hell their addiction brings and unable to let go of what we once had and still loving that person with hope they will get clean ????