[lilgunner]

Just to clarify I never accepted his time on cocaine but the more time went on the more I could see how bigger his problems were.

[lilgunner]

Thank you Lorry321,

Your words have not gone unnoticed and it is very supportive and encouraging.

I decided to draw a line in the sand and move on with my life. You’re right, being on cocaine and coming out of rehab has shown me there was never a kind side to this man and he has simply been cruel. I understand addiction and all that entails, but we live in hope that our efforts don’t go unnoticed and he never once has acknowledged my efforts.

I wasn’t hoping for a fall blown relationship as recovery and the both don’t go hand in hand, but it would’ve been nice to get to know him over the next year but clearly he had already made his mind up. There was elements of truth born out of his time on cocaine, he couldn’t understand this and I had to explain that I’m glad in all seriousness that the amends didn’t take place – how can he apologise for the hurt and pain caused when he’s run off to be with someone who fed into his addictive ways, not just cocaine but the sexual addiction that came with his time whilst high.

I hope he can continue on his road of recovery, but I don’t need the fallout anymore. It’s painful being on the outside looking in. He is currently having therapy for his sexual related issues, however I find this strange when he is with someone who was part of the problems he was facing.

As soon as I realised that his addiction was more than just cocaine I told him I would be supportive, but it fell on death ears.

I hope one day I can look back on this time and be proud of how far I’ve come, I will never change my ways and caring for those in need.

X

[lilgunner]

Thank you Lindyloo

Pleased to hear your son is in early recovery and following the steps.

I want to be able to let my friend know how much pain I was in, but like you said I don’t want to dwell on it and want the past to remain there, buried forever. Personally I will take the amends as it comes, I’m overthinking things which is my worst trait, but I acknowledge how important this step is for the person making amends. I feel I sort of have my own amends to make, as I was harsh towards my friend at times, i.e being controlling in ways, reacting negatively towards him but only with good intentions if that makes sense – kind of enabling.

Thanks for your kind words at the end, it means so much. X

[lilgunner]

Dan, just reading this thread and you have helped me so much in the last year! Bloody hell that’s how long I’ve been using this forum!

Dan, I love how open and honest you are. You’re aware of your triggers and avoid them at all costs.

Hope the new flat is treating you well and you’re enjoying your own space.

NikkiC as hard as it is and your emotions are all over the place, you need to protect yourself.

Before my friend finally realised he needed rehab I was very cold towards him in the last several months. I had no interest in talking to him when he was high and I feel so much guilt myself as I would become verbally aggressive and call him a junkie and all the rest of it. I’m not proud of my reactions, but in all honesty I have never been in that position, loving someone and feeling as though I wasn’t enough to make him stop. Thing is, they have to want to do it for themselves, and from my experience don’t interact with him when he’s on drugs. If you know he’s not using or run out of drugs be kind with your words, but set clear boundaries.

[lilgunner]

I understand what you mean about rehab… the biggest test will be when he leaves, hopefully everything he has learnt and gained in the last couple of months helps him to stick to a healthy routine. One thing I know, is when someone is in recovery they’re in it for the rest of their lives.

I hope he can avoid all the triggers that once made him use, can spot the signs and avoid them at all costs.

I love speaking to him, but I’m mindful he needs to find his feet.

[lilgunner]

It’s been so comforting to read your post.

My friend is currently in rehab and over 2 months clean from cocaine and alcohol.

It’s crazy the situation I found myself in with him, I still have sad days but I myself am practicing self-care and meditating when I feel low in mood.

Your story has made me hopeful that when he comes out of rehab he will continue on his journey of recovery and remains clean.

I really have a lot of love for my friend, he’s come to mean so much to me, but there’s times when I struggle to communicate with him. Since he’s been in rehab I decided not to initiate contact, but he has been in contact on a few occasions letting me know how he is and sent me photos, to which Ive told him how proud I am of him.

He looks so much better in his facial appearance.

[lilgunner]

Hey Dan,

Just read your post, they say you should avoid relationships for about a year when in recovery. Something I’ve heard. It can be a massive trigger.

He is feeling better, said he is thinking from a clear mind. I did say I wouldn’t communicate with him whilst he was away as he needs to concentrate on his growth. He message to let me know things were going well and wanted update me. He’s excited about a new life. I myself have been able to use the time to sleep better, not constantly worrying and maintaining a healthy routine each day. X

[lilgunner]

Hey Dan,

Just read your post, they say you should avoid relationships for about a year when in recovery. Something I’ve heard. It can be a massive trigger.

He is feeling better, said he is thinking from a clear mind. I did say I wouldn’t communicate with him whilst he was away as he needs to concentrate on his growth. He message to let me know things were going well and wanted update me. He’s excited about a new life. I myself have been able to use the time to sleep better, not constantly worrying and maintaining a healthy routine each day. X

[lilgunner]

Hello Dan, you’re probably beating yourself up right now, but you acknowledge what went wrong which is massive in itself. Hope things are more positive for you, and things are ok at the moment. One day at a time mate!

My friend is 2 months clean and he’s been doing extremely well and making very good progression. He’s been able to have his phone at weekends for good behaviour. I’m so proud of how far he’s come and pray everyday that he continues to remain clean.

Keep going Dan, you got this.

[lilgunner]

Hi Dan, not been on here in a while, needed to clear my head a little.

I didn’t believe him several days ago, he said he was going to rehab Friday gone, but I kept seeing him online on whatsapp which made me think, what rehab facility has he gone to, as he said his phone access would be restricted and this Facebook page I’m on other members said from their experience phones are taken away and usuage restricted.

Turns out, after a few heated words he is in quarantine in another country and he is entering rehab where he is on 13th September. He said he couldn’t have coped in UK rehab and needed to get out of the country. I’m so bloody relieved he’s finally getting help for his addiction. He has been sticking to a routine whilst in quarantine, reading, writing, CA meetings online and exercising. He said he is looking forward to going rehab and finally realises it’s the right thing to do.

As you know, I think the world of him, genuinely he’s an amazing guy and has so much potential.

I’ve been in contact with him the last few days, just messaging to see how he is, but even after everything that’s gone on I never know what to say when starting off a message. I’m sure just saying hello and asking how he’s doing is enough. I really want him to come through the other side.

Cheddar Gorge, it’s a place in Somerset. It was amazing being away, the scenery and views were out of this world. You forget all the natural visual beauty this country has to offer.

How are you, Dan? Hope you’re still working a programme and keeping strong and thing’s are going well for you. X

[lilgunner]

Funny you say that about being out of work and feeling shit, my friend says when he’s working he feels better for it.

Yes, he said he walked out of his job, which he not long started there. This is what probably led to him using Monday into Tuesday. Apparently he was putting work first too much, he even took up Just Eat to have more money, basically working to use and now needs to go rehab once and for all, hopefully it’s true. To be honest this new job would easily see him travel 1 and half/2 hour journey each way, then in the evening he would do just eat – this was all inbetween working from home and the office. No idea why he chucked in his last job as it was on his doorstep, however around December last year he called his boss high as a kite and off his face. I told him then, be honest with them and they will offer you support through work, then again he was probably too embarrassed after that episode and just wanted out as he felt people were then not looking at him in the same way.

Personally I think something more sinister is going on, he mentioned he owed people money, but wasn’t very coherent as he was semi on one, but if things have got out of hand he’s probably landed himself in more debt.

Thanks, a week away with my children and other family members is just what the doctor ordered. Can not wait to visit Cheddar Gorge!

Take care, Dan x

[lilgunner]

Hey, Dan

I’m not good as it goes, feeling really emotional the last week.

I try not to react when he’s using but this week it felt like the camel’s back had been broken.

For my own mental health I have to keep distant in my communicating with him. I started back at the gym recently, but this weekend I have decided to take it more seriously as working out really is good for my soul lol I bloody hurt all over right now. Got some good days out coming up and going Somerset the end of the month. I need to concentrate on me and my family for the next few weeks.

I’ve tried so many different things to stop him using, to help him realise there’s more to life. I am powerless over his addiction, I know that.

Sounds so stupid, but as you know his behaviour on cocaine is really worrying. I don’t want to be the person who engages in any type of flirtatious behaviour when he’s using, I haven’t for many months now, as it would only be enabling his addiction/’s

I’ve heard the “I am going to rehab” line before, I know what you mean, so all I can do is hope and pray it’s true. Before it’s been on the same day he’s using so it’s all come down talk, this time it was a few days after. He said he has left his job, he wants to concentrate and immerse himself in to his recovery.

Life can be so cruel at times.

Hope you’re ok mate, you’re doing really well from what I’ve read on here. You make sure you continue to grow, you deserve happiness.

[lilgunner]

Hi Michael,

Hope you’re alright, you’re probably struggling right now.

There’s loads of help and support available out there, but you’ve got to want to stop.

As you mentioned, drink triggers the use of cocaine.

Try and stop using and get some rest. If you genuinely want help this forum is a really useful tool with loads of help and information.

[lilgunner]

Hi Cali,

A friend of mine has been using cocaine for about 6 years now.

I know the circumstances are very different, but I don’t think you can really say he’s moved on and found someone else and is in a loved up relationship. My friend on cocaine goes through women quite a bit, appears he can’t hold down a healthy relationship as the drug always wins in the end unless they really want to stop.

I was researching online, and it’s clear that when someone is in recovery they should avoid any new relationships as this can trigger them into using. It’s all about clearing the mind and body and allowing yourself time to recover. They say relationships should be avoided in the first year. Do you think he has told you he’s with someone to try and get a reaction from you? Possibly that’s what he’s doing.

Last year my friend was telling me how he wanted to start something with me, then he went through a moment saying how he didn’t think we were a good idea, that bit is clear, I don’t want to be with anyone battling addiction in that sense as it’s not helpful to them and neither good for my mental health, nevertheless I still worry for him. My friend actually thinks when he’s on drugs by telling me about anyone he’s in a sexual relationship with that he’s making me jealous, and a part of me does get upset but then I think outside the box and remember that he’s actively using and drugs is the only important thing to him in the end. When my friend is sober he’s just a completely different character but he needs to really work on his recovery which I pray he does and seriously stops sooner rather than later.

[lilgunner]

Hi Dan,

Basically, he joined this online rehab program instead of going into residential rehab. They give him tools to try and stop at home, in your own surroundings. It is helpful to some extent, where by he isn’t using as often but he’s not gone more than 2 weeks and several weeks ago his use went back to every weekend.

If he doesn’t use this weekend that’s 2 weeks clean, I pray he doesn’t.

He had been using in those weeks and he had been messaging women online and I had this is random message from some Facebook account saying he told her my name and was being horrible. Where his mind takes him on drugs I will never know.

Things generally have been ok since I stopped communicating with him via social media, particularly WhatsApp.

He wanted to speak to me over the phone in the week, but I was busy and he said he will call in a few days, haven’t spoken to him yet as I know he finds it hard to communicate, one minute he’s chatty the next he appears withdrawn.

I’ll probably message him some point today before this evening, as the evening is when he usually gets on one and I don’t want to be caught up in that and him start messaging vile stuff.

Glad to hear you’re ok, and you’re seeing things more positively. Keep it up Dan you’re doing amazingly.

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