[lindyloo]

Hi debc

I’m happy that you’ve found rehab for you son. Its so difficult to know what to do for the best.

I’ve been trying to get on with my live and try not enable my son.

However, this has not gone down well with him.

I’ve had several calls from him ending up with him yelling at me that I’m not a caring or loving mother cos I’m not helping him when he’s struggling and him having no money for food or anything.

I’m now sitting in floods of tears yet again. I’ve sent his sister to get some groceries to his house as he says he doesn’t want to see me again. I Don’t know what to do for the best, he just makes me feel like I don’t care or love him.

I don’t know if that’s him manipulating me again as he’s good at that too. Am I wrong in trying not to enable him so much – I don’t know any more im exhausted with it all, I feel its affecting my health as its on my mind 24/7.

I’d be grateful for any advice or support.

Lx

[lindyloo]

Hi dmill89

There’s helpline telephone numbers listed on the home page

I’m sure you can have a one to one conversation with someone who will support and give you advice.

I wish you well.

Lx

[lindyloo]

Hi feeling lost

I hope you’re well and coping okay.

I just noticed that you asked a question at end of text.

My family, ie elderly parents and brother and sisters aren’t aware of my son’s addictions. They know I have anxiety and stress, but i haven’t told them that my son causes most of it.

I have 2 very close friends who I have confided in , and I feel better when I share my concerns with them. I don’t like burdening them too much though , it can get a bit heavy.

My elderly parents couldn’t handle it, my sisters would want to march round and stick up for me – bless them. Ignorance is bliss sometimes!

I hope that you are in a happier place now, life is too short. I’m trying to meditate a bit and trying to find happiness in simple things.

Take care of you. Lx

[lindyloo]

Thank you for sharing your story with me. My son has also said about ‘needing time to sort himself ‘ . But only until he needs something.

My husband and my daughter are also fed up with it all. They say I should be harder with him, not give into his needs. Its hard to switch off that nurture button though – isn’t it?

The alcohol which leads to cocaine , he tells me has de-sensitized him to others feelings. He learned that from the 12 step program he was trying through CA and AA meetings.

I do believe its true as he wasn’t always so selfish and disrespectful as a youngster.

I agree also that they are making these choices but don’t want the consequences that come with it.

He’s in contact with me, i only text now as I didn’t like the verbal abuse I got last time, when he bullied me into submission, which is what he has done since he was 14.

Its a difficult situation, as you worry when you don’t hear from them , then get anxious and stressed when you do!

Reading others stories, I realise there are families going through a lot more pain than me.

Is there such a thing as a normal life with walking on eggshells every day? I feel I can’t move forward with my life at the moment.

Sorry for whining, just getting things off my chest, feel free to do the same. Thanks for your support, I hope things improve for you and your son.

Take care, Lx

[lindyloo]

I’m so sad to read your story, and I’m so sorry for your loss. As parents of children with addictions, it’s out of our hands, we can only do our best to support them.

I really hope your grand daughter will wake up one day and realise she has a problem and seek help. It’s totally down to her choices.

There’s some good advice from people on this forum. Read the other stories and you’ll realise that you not alone.

I don’t have all the answers but I want you to know that people care about you and what you’re going through.

Please accept help and support and look after your own health. Im starting to realise I need to do this too. I’m same age as you.

Take care, Lx

[lindyloo]

Hi xybex

I’m sorry to hear your story, its great that you’re addressing the problem.

I also agree with you when you have anxiety or adhd or ocd it makes it more difficult to say no.

My son has alcohol and drug addictions, the drug addiction is triggered by taking alcohol. He never does anything in moderation. Drinking, drugs, gambling etc whatever he does, he does it 100 %.

That’s why he can’t go out with his usual pals, he can’t just have a normal quantity, he just keeps drinking unfortunately.

He said the best thing is not to drink at all, but lately has been finding this very difficult.

Stick with the AA and CA meetings, they’ll introduce you to others, offer you a sponsor and try a 12 step programme. I know it can work for some, my son managed 3 months clean.

I wish you well, and keep reading the advice from others in the forum. There’s great support here too. Take care Lx

[lindyloo]

Hi

Thank you so much for your reply, it means a lot. You just feel you’re out there on your own, dealing with this nightmare.

We stopped giving him cash a while ago. I find it hard to say no when he says he has no food , so I just get some groceries.

He took me for a mug last month, when I got him food, then he asked for tobacco. After that as I was leaving he told me he was due a pub £40! Which I gave him.

I felt I was robbed by my own son.

I agree with you, it will never stop its prolonging the agony.

I know its an illness, and I’m really trying to understand it but I always seem to say the wrong thing.

Yes we need to look out for ourselves, stay healthy and try to be happy. Im grateful for this forum where we can learn from each other.

God bless i wish you well with your son too. Lx

[lindyloo]

Help1 I really sympathise with you. I also have a 27 yr old son with alcohol and drug addiction.

Its so sad that your son is ill as a result of his addiction. I also worry that my son’s health suffers as a result. I think his health problems are more paranoia and mental health issues which need to be addressed.

I think Danman has given great advice there. At least you know that there are other mums and relatives who worry constantly about their loved ones.

I wish you well, take care of your own health, and take as much advice and support that’s available. I’ll keep you in my prayers. Lx

[lindyloo]

Thanks Sissi, we’ll keep hoping and praying until then. Take care

Lx

[lindyloo]

Hi Sissi

I really admire your bravery and devotion to your partner, a sign of true love. I really hope all goes well for you both.

My son has his own flat, he has a good job too. Unfortunately he has had several relapses and lately spends his wages within days on alcohol. Sometimes it leads to cocaine but I don’t ask anymore. He’s missing the live CA meetings I think, he misses the personal contact. Due to stress and anxiety, we’ve pulled away from him a bit, just so he can see the consequences of his actions. I still text and phone as I love him and care about him. We don’t give him money any more, but i do give him food for the house when I know he’s needing it.

It’s not easy, no news is good news is our motto. We have to take care of ourselves as we’ve had 12yrs of heartache . We can do it any more, it’s affecting our health.

I just keep hoping and praying that one day he will beat this illness that’s wrecking his life and our family life.

Thanks for asking , it helps to share.

Take care Lx

[lindyloo]

Hi sissi

I’m so sorry to read that things have not improved for you. You truly don’t deserve all this anguish.

I notice the Icarus trust posts here for help and support for you.

Also, if you read through some of the threads people post.

Some are people with similar stories to yours, some work with their partner and give them ultimations, some have had enough and will leave for their own sanity and for their children.

I guess its whatever is best for you.

It would be great if he could get involved with a support group like AA or NA . Unfortunately they can only offer online help just now. But they do the 12 steps – Google it. They get a sponsor who they can relate to and will support them through their recovery.

My son managed 3 months on it at best, at least he was around people who had been been or are, in the same situation.

Please look after yourself first, and seek further support here. I know it’s difficult cos you love them and don’t want to see them come to harm. The only way for him is complete abstinence and the meetings will help him with this.

Take care and I will keep you in my prayers. Lx

[lindyloo]

You’re welcome, remember you are probably stronger than you think. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to seek support or help. There will always be someone who hears you.

Lx

[lindyloo]

Hi Sissi

I was so sad reading your story. I wanted you to know that people do care and pray for you and your partner.

If you read the other stories you’ll see that there are so many going through trauma as a result of their loved one using substances.

Unfortunately, I don’t have all the answers, but as the mother of an addict I’ve been through all the lies, selfishness, broken promises and I’ve cried a river over it all.

It’s difficult because we love them and you do what you can to support them.

I can only suggest reading the other stories for support and advice and I know the forum supplies info too.

First and foremost look after yourself and stay healthy. Take pleasure in the little things.

I will keep you and your partner in my prayers and be strong.

Take care, God bless Lx

[lindyloo]

Hi Moles

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry to hear of the situation with your husband.

If you’ve read the other stories on this forum you will see that you’re not alone. We all know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of someone with an addiction.

This horrible illness turns them into a lying, manipulating, paranoid, selfish person. It consumes them and they will suck you dry and leave you feeling exhausted.

They of course are completely to blame, but will never admit it. It’s part of their guilt i think.

Read the other stories, some will give advice and support , as we have all been in the situation.

I hope you get the help and support you need. I wish you well and God bless. Lx

[lindyloo]

Hi Bird

I’m sorry to hear of your anguish with your partner. It’s very difficult to be around a loved one who has an addiction.

I think when they’ve been clean for a bit, you get lured into a false sense of security.

When my son was attending aa and ca meetings, he was clean for 3 months. My husband and I thought that was it….cured. I didn’t realise that they can relapse several times.

The answer for him is complete abstinence from alcohol, cos that leads to cocaine, then the debts build up. He takes time off work and looks to us for food , cigs petrol etc. He only works to pay off his debts, his wage is spent before he gets it!

It begins and ends with the addict ….he’s got to WANT to stop it himself. Doesn’t matter what you say or try to do, its an illness that affects the way they think, which is not logical . The addiction makes them selfish and numb to other peoples feelings.

I would suggest you get more support and advice, and put yourself and your happiness first.

I wish you well, God bless Lx

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