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Hi
I read your story im so sorry to hear that you’ve had such a tough time with your partner.
It sounds to me like he’s in denial that he has an addiction problem. He has to be the one who decides that he has to do something or he’ll lose everything.
Addicts are very selfish and the drugs make then insensitive to hurting those closest to them.
We’ve been through this many times with my adult son. He’s has an alcohol addiction and sometimes uses cocaine too. He’s holding down a good job, but as soon as he’s paid, he keeps relapsing then comes running to us when he’s skint. It’s very exhausting and creates a horrible atmosphere in the house.
I would seek as much help and advice from others in your situation, and know that you’re not alone. You are stronger than you think. Take care I wish you well. Lx
I totally sympathise with you both. Its so hard to help an addict when they won’t even try to help themselves. Its so frustrating to think you see a bit light at the end of the tunnel. They get on their feet for a week or two, then its back to square one. Its always going to be the case in my opinion, until they decide themselves that enough is enough. Personally I find it exhausting, time after time, my son relapses. It’s very disheartening and hurting.
We’ve started to withdraw our support a bit to help ourselves as our mental and physical health is suffering, not to mention the financial toll that mounts up.
A very difficult thing to do when you love them. You can only do so much, the rest is up to them. Accept as much advice and support that’s offered. Good luck and God bless you . Lx
Hi, I’ve been reading your post. I think you’ve been very brave and strong in making your decision to break from your partner.
Youve given hin 5 years to turn his life around and he’s not done anything to help himself get out of this vicious circle he’s in….and stopping you from getting on in life.
These addictions are so cruel and they affect everyone in their path. It doesn’t sound like he’s ready to change yet. He’s got to want to do it himself.
We’ve had problems with our son who has alcohol and drug addictions. He has his own place but the only time we see him is when he has no money for food, cigarettes petrol. He’s my son and I love him but I hate the choices he’s making and the way he uses us to get what he needs. He’s holding down a good job, but blows his wages within a week or ten days and its been that way for ages. Its exhausting as he’s so predictable.
I really sympathise with your situation, you look after yourself and move on when you’re able to ,it doesn’t look like hes going to change any time soon. I wish you the very best take all the advice and support that’s available. Lx
Hi Sunflower,
I’m new to the forum and I can sympathise with every single one of you. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through a bad time with your partner.
It’s so frustrating when they relapse, you just think that everything is going to be fine and then it’s back to the old ways again. We have the same problem with my adult son. I agree about the lies and promises they spin. They probably mean it at the time, but you know in your heart that you’re not really convinced.
Its a horrible illness that they have, and it affects everyone around them. Makes them selfish and insensitive, but the only person they can blame is themselves. It starts and ends with them. I hope he can get help through going to meetings and getting support from sponsors. It can work for some people, at least they have a network of support. But, they have to want that support. I wish you well and hope you and your daughter get the peace and love that you deserve. Be strong. Lx
Hi, I’ve been reading your text and I can really sympathise with you. My family have been through the same nightmare with my 27 yr old son. I reckon he’s been dabbling for the last 10 years. We suspected it, but it came to a head a year ago. We paid off his drug debts, gave him a clean slate, he attended AA meetings and CA meetings, did most of the 12 steps and got good sponsors. Unfortunately hes since relapsed and it’s business as usual, with him asking for money. We never give him cash, but we do buy him cigarettes, food, petrol. However, it’s taking it’s toll on our health now, with worry and anxiety. We’ve realised he’s got to learn to be independent of us, as he’s never ever suffered any consequences of his actions ..which is what we’ve been told by several support groups. Its so hard , as a parent you don’t want to see that happen. Please look after yourselves first and foremost.
I am happy that Kel1 and I have been able to help you. It’s so difficult as you feel that you are alone and can’t talk about things for fear of being judged.
It’s comforting to know that there are many others out there who are in the same position. We can be here for each other and be strong too. Take each day as it comes and enjoy the little things that make you happy. Take care Lxx
You’re welcome, people do care you know! I’m lucky I have a couple of close friends who I confide in. I haven’t told my own family about my son, I know they would worry about me and my anxiety.
Hi takingit easy
I wanted you to know that you are being listened to. I am also new to the forum. These addictions are so cruel. Not only do they affect the user very badly and messes with their thought process but it has a terrible effect on family members and loved ones. I’ve read the other stories too, which are similar to mine, in that my adult son has alcohol and drug addictions. My husband and I are worn out with it all. It’s such a cycle and it’s exhausting for all involved. But at the end of the day they are making these choices, we really need to take care of ourselves. This can be difficult, as you feel you should be helping them. Take all the advice and support available do some meditation and practice mindfulness. It does help you to switch off a bit.