[littlehappy]

Oh wow,

Not that far off mine by the sounds of it!,

He had his 30th the day before my little ones, he had started an argument a couple of days before because he had stripped my bank account for betting so got home but seemed to think I had hidden money and wanted to go out and buy alcohol…

Anyway he came briefly to pick up his presents but made out it was to see baby, stayed about 20 minutes as he said he had to go get a haircut…later he calls me to go celebrate with him n his mate as it was his 30th, I agreed n we went to a pub for 1 drink n then back to his mums to play darts…it was a laugh tbf but they were on it, he did his big promise to not ruin things n no matter what I said he didn’t really care and carried on…and I left early to be back for babys big day.

He called me within an hour of getting home and sounded wasted…

Next day I heard nothing until the evening n we had held off giving he her gifts just incase he showed up…

Dunno why I thought he would, he called and blamed his mum for waking him up n that was the only reason he didn’t show!, I know he was still up popping beans in the morning lol, I doubt he had slept at all!

N then said he doesn’t get along with one of my girls so if he comes he wanted her sent to her room lol, I mean as if I’d do that! I told him where to go n hung up.

So he managed yo be off his face both on the day she was born and on her first birthday…

Anyway,

She’s doing so well! Almost walking, saying simple things like mum n bang bang n brum brum lol,

She a happy girl!

It’s a shame that he can’t control himself, even when he was abusing me by text message I tried to help him but he just flips and goes crazy!

I have videos now and his messages, the last straw was, he brought up old friends from 6 years ago that he is now convinced I had a fling with and he threatened to send messages, he sent me screen shots of vile things he had planned to send to the girl, all completely rubbish but I couldn’t take any more, he has said the most disgusting things to me, I was close to calling the police out to deal with him but instead I blocked him and sent the screen shots to his mum, I’ve told her he will need to arrange contact through her now as I’m not interested…

Hopefully I’m gonna arrange to catch up with an old friend soon as that’s the other part of it all, I lost contact with all my friends because he didn’t like them lol…I’m such a mug! Or was haha

Ahh your little one sounds so sweet! I adore babies!! I’m on number 5 ???? no more now though! Xxx

[littlehappy]

Hey!!!!

I’m so glad your still here…even though that’s not so good, but I have missed having someone who just knows what’s going and just gets the whole still loving them but not being able to help thing.

So how are you?? I’ve not had a chance to sit and read much on here, my little one is up and about now, my landlord had to find out we had separated on Saturday, he wasn’t happy…he loved my partner and stupidly thinks I may not cope alone! Now he’s coming back at Easter to check my “situation!”

God knows what I will do if he decides he doesn’t want me just because I’m alone!

Anyway yeah, it’s good to hear from you! I hope your doing as okay as you can be, I’m on a positive day thank god xxx

[littlehappy]

Hey

I hope your good

So much suddenly went on with me I just had to disappear and get on with it

So…He went full circle, I’m still a little cautious that I’m not being strung along lol,

He was so caught up in using and didn’t care about me, I had got my head around walking away and even moved most of his stuff out of my house. One night after a ton of abuse I messaged him and said I was done and that was that.

Next afternoon I got a message to say he wanted to get sorted and come home, it was so strange!

Anyway I kept him at arms length and he spent a week or so alone as his mate ditched him, he then took me out for lunch with our little one and it’s gone from there…I think his mate has held all the cards though, I think that if he clicks his fingers my other half will go running back – I hope not but I expect it.

So now, he is not allowed to drink excessively or do any drugs here, all that stuff had to be done at his mums or else where, ive had a couple of nights where he has sat watching tv and then told me he has done a bean and I’ve had to watch him change which isn’t fun.

But so far so good I guess, I’ve steered clear of here because he is extremely jealous and before would take my phone and search all of it for anything at all – I’m not a cheat so I never batted an eyelid if he did because there is nothing to find but this site would make him flip his lid, the knowing that I’ve outed him and all he’s done.

He’s still managed to use quite a bit,

It turns out that a night away to “let his hair down” turns out to be a ticket or two plus up to 5 beans which adds up if it’s even once a week!

So He’s trying to come back, he’s on his best behavior, it’s strange because he’s so lovely and I wonder why he couldn’t just be nicer before but yeah

Im waiting for him to slip up and Im not going to be all love struck just yet as he’s done so many things but I’m here and Im giving him a chance.

So how are things with you? Did your man keep it up? I really hope so xx

[littlehappy]

Hey

Really good to hear from you!!

All sounds promising!! Hope it continues x

Yeah all okay here, I sorta wonder if he’s fallen out with his mate or his mum…I stopped messaging her and calling because it was hard, when he was awful and she still tried to back him, he’s her son so I don’t blame her but I’ve done nothing wrong really, the main reason she’s seeing more arguments is because I’m standing up for myself now so I won’t take any of the rubbish I used to.

All that being said,

He did come over and burst into tears, I hugged him and told him I’m here, all was quite sweet.

We messaged loads and he asked if we can try so I’m gonna let him, at the end of the day I’m here already so if he can step up and knock that on the head then I’m gonna be here and things will be good ????

It’s been a really lovely few days!

Babys happy and spending time with her daddy, ive seen the old him for a few days and my girls have enjoyed his company for once!! All good ???????? x

[littlehappy]

Hey,

All okay with you??

Not spoken in ages!!, how’s things going over with you??

Hope your good!!

I’m alright, last two days he’s been okay, turned up and cried and asked if we could sort things out…I said I’d be here if he does and told him I cared so hopefully he will give it a try

Anyway, chat soon yeah!! Xx

[littlehappy]

Hey you,

How’s things your end??

How’s he doing getting straight? Hope all’s good!!

I’ve not been on here for a little bit,

I’ve been so busy with school stuff but life’s been odd, I’ve just sat staring out the window,

I just don’t no if I’m coming or going.

So he came to dinner, one of my girls chose not to come as she just can’t stand him right now and he really fixates on her and every single thing she says or does and try’s to find fault or cause a stir! so we made her excuses.

It was a good night otherwise I guess, I paid as always lol, it’s the only relationship I’ve ever had where I pay for everything!, so he drove my car but I put the fuel in, paid for our dinners and then he suggested we go to an arcade.

The kids heard so I couldn’t really say no.

I then cashed up loads of money for pointless machines and bought us drinks while we were there…

he’s no different though

I have stepped away loads, I’m not messaging him at all,

He messaged on Saturday and told me a load of twaddle about how he’s different now and has a different mind set….already by Saturday lol

So I knew he was on something while he was messaging because he was so keen to chat lol, and the messages were so long!

Next morning he admitted he had taken Mandy!! No sleep at all and he had to work!! A 12 hour shift on no sleep! Idiot!

And today he calls and asks to come over but on his way got really aggressive towards another driver (I’m on the hands free in the car so I heard everything) and because I ask him to stay calm because I don’t need him screaming swear words down the phone, he comes to mine n starts screaming at me that I don’t back him, that I’ve ruined the day and blah blah blah…

I was having a lovely day until then with our little girl! She is there for his onslaught which I think is ridiculous.

Anyway I’ve not heard from him since his last screaming fit a few hours ago….he came and went 3 times, each time shouting at me but standing in my doorway so the whole road can hear his stupid attempt at making out I’m the angry aggressive one!

Complete narcissist! Like text book!

He’s crazy, so yeah I took baby out the house to the park to try and lift our day a little, he’s now parked in my driveway and has taken himself to my neighbors house to have a drink by himself….he tried telling me that he deserves a reward for working!

He works 3 half days and 1 full day and has a two day and 1 day off where he gets high on both!

He spends all his money on his drugs lol

I’ve had to give my notice in at work today too, I never planned on having a baby and him doing this… I can’t go back just yet, I need to get my girls sorted and then look into childcare and my options… so my heads really messed up, i have no one to talk to about any of this, his mums stuck her head back in the clouds and I just don’t have anyone I can trust to tell what’s going on and that can actually give me advice and help.

Nothing seems like it will ever change, it’s just if I can pretend like him that things are great when it’s all a lie. Xx

[littlehappy]

Hiya,

Ah I’m so happy for you, still a long way to go but he sounds like he’s trying, I hope he picks up a little bit as depression is hard but it sounds like he’s doing really well!!

Yeah I’m guessing he is having problems getting it up lol, he uses a lot and it does stop all that, I just don’t get why he can’t even try n curb it, at this rate he won’t have anything left down there ????

I just think he’s got a real lady waiting for him here but he’s choosing wrong!

So I told his mum what’s going on today, she came to see me with her brother (his uncle!!) and I started off just saying it was drunk but then said “you no what, why am I lying, he’s doing stuff and I no he is.”

I explained the obvious signs n she took it all really well, they both said it wasn’t on and she said she was really embarrassed….it’s not her fault!

They both said it’s this friend of his, when he’s about there’s no point cos he has some sort pull, he’s dropped me n our little one because of this bloke,

It’s hard because I can’t win, I can beg n I can try n help him out but for some reason my other half wants him n not us,

Yeah my lot go back next week, so my last week having a full house!!

I’m off out to dinner tomorrow and he’s asked to come which is odd as we haven’t spoken since his little flip out

Have a good week! Xx

[littlehappy]

Hey

Hope ur well,

How’s things with your man?

I’m not so good,

He’s not changed,

I found out he’s now got himself pills….Viagra

Don’t ask me why, I have a baby to feed and night shifts with her,

I’m not too happy about it and I’ve told him I’m done I think…

I no he’s also watching stuff when he’s not with me…..

I don’t get why he’s given up a family and an actual girlfriend to use that stuff and find fun in doing that…..

I’m just feeling a bit worthless and lost to be honest

On the plus it’s my big girls bday this week so I can stay occupied

Hope your good xx

[littlehappy]

Hiya,

I’m alright ta,

Ah well it sounds like it was a nice time, my kids love arcades too!

The 2p machines ❤️ ????

Brighton’s nearest to me, not been down there for a while though,

Hope yours gets himself together n bounces back for you, it’s such a struggle for them I guess, the road back to us seems so long and it’s so easy to drop back off n back to bad habits. Don’t think mines gonna change.

So I called his mum on Monday for a chat while he was at work, to check in n see she was okay and to see how he had been.

I was honest n told her I was ready to call it a day if he kept speaking to me the way he did, we went over all sorts and she admitted that she’s been steering clear of him too, staying away over night and just choosing not to talk to him to save having to go through his arguments.

She’s asked if I think he’s taking anything as she can clearly see a difference, I can’t say really as I’ve tried before and she wouldn’t accept it so I just told her the signs to look for, I know she knows deep down.

I love her to bits n she shouldn’t have to listen to her son say the things he does, same as me really.

I also found out he has seen his ‘friend’ and just not told me, his mum let slip that he was stupid for having this bloke back round the house again, she said his behavior dropped straight away and I no that they only ever see each other and do that rubbish. I sorta feel let down by that but I can’t tell him I no without dropping her in it.

Anyway I saw him Tuesday,

He was nice to me for once, I called it short n came home to my girls and as always he got straight on it…

I don’t no if he’s ever gonna have the strength to give it up, I’m just glad that I can walk away and come home.

I will say that I don’t no how I feel about getting close to him again, I was sorta glad to get my taxi when I did because he was quite drunk and I didn’t feel comfortable around him…it’s like I’ve moved on a bit now I dunno, I guess I can’t see him ever being anything other than chasing a high and I want him to love me

It makes me a bit anxious that he seems to think we can find a away to stay together and him still use it

How olds your little one now? Does he manage when he has her?

I told mines mum that I’m glad he’s not been interested cos I just don’t trust him fully, he hasn’t got that attention. My life revolves around her n my others, he gets distracted by anything lol

Take care x

[littlehappy]

Hey you! ????

I’m so glad to hear your world is going better!! I’ve never been to margate! It sounds like a laugh, especially for kids…

And that he’s trying to get clean by himself! It’s like he can actually see where he wants to be and what that stuff is doing! I’m really happy for you!!

So yeah my house check went well, I had the whole house fit for a visit from the queen ???? I’d jet washed his van and car that are sat rotting on my drive, fixed so many little bits n had to stand n listen to him take all the credit cos he’s supposed to live here!! he turned up late and lied, told my landlord he was working nights! Nope just evenings…

He said to me the night before,

“I’m not going to get on it! Please have some faith!” And then at lunchtime, half hour before he should be here he calls and I ask if he had any sleep n his answer was no not really, but he has a headache, his eyes!! Bloodshot, his excuse was his eye drops made them sore!!! He was burning up while talking to me! It’s ridiculous that he still lies, it’s like he believes what he says to me!!

Anyway yeah my landlord was singing his praise, such good work but it was all mine!!!

Then he stayed to play with baby but after half hour he decided he was hungry so we went out so he could buy himself food, he instantly got angry that I sat in the back with baby cos he has some problem with it, he’s rather she scream the car down n I sit up front with him!! so within 5 minutes he was angry and I asked to come home….

He ruins every day that I see him! Honestly! It’s anger or jealousy or just nasty….

Anyway I stayed home last night, went out for a long walk with my daughter n put the world to rights as we walked…

He messaged and did the whole “I love you, please let’s make it work” so I told him we rnt happy so either sort it out or it’s over…I don’t think for a second he will change but I am which is the biggest and best thing

Anyway yeah, he’s been at work all day so I got out the house again, I’m gonna try and pick myself up and get some sort of life in place, even if it is just getting out with the lids it’s better than sitting at home by myself.

Hope your still going well!! Xx

[littlehappy]

Hey,

I feel like I’ve been gone ages,

Thank you for your reply, I was so hurt and upset, I couldn’t sleep I was so angry and knowing he was up at his off his head n not caring what he was saying…

I ignored him,

I messaged his mum n told her he was sending me nasty messages as she’s been through the same so she will no what I mean.

Next evening he messaged n said he was outside n could I go out with him for a drive to sort it out…I said no.

Then later I got the usual “I love you” “can we talk”

I’ve just been polite, I said we do need to talk…not seen him yet but he’s due here in half an hour,

I’m so done with the same old rubbish! He always destroys our time together, he never try’s to curb it because in his head a couple of nights at work means he has control and he can treat himself again!!

I have my landlord check today so he really needs to be here, he’s just messaged me so he’s just woken up lol,

I’ve done all the handyman jobs by myself lol, cleaned n jet washed – all of it! It’s funny cos I thought he would want to prove he was a man in some respects but he’s really not been bothered….I’ve had “oh you did it yourself! Well done!” Haha not once has he said ah you’ve got all the kids and a baby, I’ll be there to help you ????

Anyway Thank you for your message, I’m feeling stronger today, it’s taken a few days to stew but I’m back again x

I dunno how long he plans on staying either as it’s his day off but he’s already said he feels like a zombie! Another great day!!

I’m just gonna let him get on with his day though n concentrate on myself n the girls, I sorta hope he makes his excuses n leaves pretty quick after our check

[littlehappy]

Omg!!

So I think I’m ready to end this!

It’s 3.35 in the morning,

I spent the evening with him,

We went to see my neighbors first which was nice, more for me than him because I had an instant connection with the woman but not so much him n the bloke.

Then back to his house for a couple of drinks n to “spend time together”

Pointless!!

He was annoyed I’d made a friend

He was annoyed I was happy

Apparently i was draining his happiness because I was smiling!!

I toned it down and he got on it!

Then I spent a while telling him nice stuff n bugging him up…….and listening to how I was failing as a mum,

Then he turned his focus on my 17 year old again!! And how she had been hard work on a holiday back in 2018!!!! How it was her n she has a problem n I’m rubbish n I let him down…..

Well I wasn’t having any of it, I picked up my phone to book a cab,

I asked him if at any point we were to blame? Me n him!! The arguments and his obsession with drugs…,no! It was my failing at telling her how it should be and her for probably just being alive!!

He didn’t stop!!

So I come home to find that same daughter taking car of our baby, happily and loving every second and it broke my heart knowing what he was messaging on my phone.

Those messages are still coming through now as I write this,

I am apparently a rubbish mum!

I’ve probably done all sorts with every bloke I can find because I’m now a @$&$ too

And she’s a crap kid!

He on the other hand is miss understood and has no dad so poor him!!

I’m so done tonight!!

I wish he wasn’t my baby’s girls dad, he should be ashamed of himself and every word that comes out of his fowl mouth!!!

I don’t care that he’s on some evil drug!!!

I wouldn’t speak yo my enemies the way he speaks to me!!

And how dare he say anything about my girls when he’s as shit as they come!!!!

Anyway, yeah I have no words except I’m not standing for this anymore.

I am one of the best mums out there and I have amazing girls who will never utter the disgusting rubbish that he has about them!!!

I hope your good x

[littlehappy]

Hey hope your good

I’m seeing him today,

He’s been fairly quiet after what he did the other day,

since I’ve pulled away n not reacted or bothered with him he’s been a lot calmer,

I can almost see how lost he is, it’s sad right now because he’s so addicted, he can’t help himself…I guess that urge when he’s driving home from work late, he knows his dealers well and he has so many that he’s always getting messages and offers to do work with that as payment.

And his friend who dragged him so deep up and vanished which has left him alone.

I can only pray that it gives him the sense to battle it out now.

I just can’t imagine going home alone and jumping on that by myself.

He calls or messages me after a week or whatever and I’m always alright with him because I no it’s not him, I want him to remember that we are here and happy and if he works on it he can be back to this again,

I’m not gonna let him use me though, after him trying to get my bank details last week! I’ve canceled my card now and I will be asking for my car back, it’s a constant learning curve with this stuff.

I lay awake with our baby last night just grateful that I didn’t get hooked like him, the thought of never feeling just normal! He has lost so much weight, he’s always hungry, I always saw him as the stronger one of us, he always seemed to have a plan and over this last 18 months he has nothing left.

All his ‘normal’ friends have moved on with life, he had some really good jobs he messed up, he had stuff that he has sold to pay off people and to just survive! It’s so sad really

He’s finally realizing how much debt he’s getting into, bills not getting paid, I think he just expected his mum to pay them when I stopped but she has been really sick herself so she’s not working now and it’s all catching up with him.

I’m not gonna help him with that either this time, so many times over the last year n a half I’ve helped him pay off his debts and he’s relapsed and we are back to square 1.

His mum though!!

One day she’s calling me – she has no idea what he’s on but will tell me how he speaks to her like crap, the nasty stuff he says that he used to say to me too, she’s fully aware he can be a nightmare but still thinks it’s alcohol, in her next breath when he walks in screaming at me and it’s all on how I’m to blame blah blah blah and she’s backing him lol, maybe you shouldn’t say that! Well he didn’t get much sleep because of noises outside lol – no! It’s because he’s been on it!!!

If anything I’m quite scared of him coming home and this starting again further down the line because I don’t need it and the girls don’t need it either, I’ve pulled away more because I don’t want him thinking that a few days clean and I will let him back in,

I miss him like crazy but I’m also quite scared of all the hurt n secrets and him I guess in a way.

He messaged last night n said he wished he was home with me n that he wants us all back but it’s really all down to him now.

I think if I found out he had cheated I’d probably walk away though, I don’t think I could forgive that, even with a messed up mind or full of anger that would be a step too far for me. He can control himself to hide it from other people and to have a job then he can keep his pants on lol

I don’t no even if I want that anymore, for now though he’s due to come see me today, I just hope he’s clean.

That whole Jekyll n Hyde thing is spot on! I just no if he’s been using because he like a stranger, he’s nasty and aggressive and looking for a fight for days after he’s used it, I don’t really get how he doesn’t see it, that last time I messaged on here! God he had screamed at me while I was driving, like full on screaming and hitting the car, people walking by must have thought we were crazy! Lol I’d walked out of my house happy n straight into that!

Anyway, happy birthday to your boy! I hope you have the best day!! X

[littlehappy]

Hey you,

I know things are hard when I loose my sense of humor! These last few days and I’m just lost again!! I wish I would learn!!

How is it they get to control our feelings?

Anyone else and we probably would have walked by now, I’m dam sure he wouldn’t put up with all this crap from me!!

It’s desperation

I’m sat here alone and I can only turn to this page because no one else really knows what this stuff is doing to our lives!.

Again I read through other stories and he matches all of it!!

The filth he shouts at me and his mum, the pervy rubbish that has just started which I’m guessing is because he’s been alone for quite a while now, his drinking and betting problem that’s now alongside this!

The anger! God it’s like there really is no part of him that’s left anymore!

If you met him in the street he would seem the loveliest most fun bloke!

Last week he spent maybe 4 days being the old him, gentle and just nice but as you no it doesn’t last, part of me was dreading this weekend because we were ment to spend it together, I should have known that he would flip and I’d be sat here alone.

The looks his mum gives me, she has told me so many times that she knows it’s him yet when he’s screaming at me from his front door, as I’m waiting for a taxi while my car is sat there in front of me for him! Because I’m not a nasty person, I’ve even put fuel in it when I borrowed it for half hour to drop my girls off!! And she talks to me as if I’ve wound him up….

I no I need to cut my ties, I think having baby makes me feel like I has some duty to try,

I’m just at that point where I want a hug from an adult who isn’t gonna scream at me, a mate to set the world to rights that knows exactly what I’m going through and to feel like a person n not a giant secret

I’m sorry yours has gone back to it as well! When they are doing well you’d think they would see that and know!

Make that connection that feeling bad, sleeping in! Being nasty! It all comes from that stuff!

It takes its toll and I was up there doing well with my head, roll on next week! Start again x

[littlehappy]

Hey Mj

Just reading through what your going through,

From my experiences, my ‘partner’ he used to use with me, just weekend stuff but all sorts, I think we were quite careful, sex life was good and yeah he was defo more pervy on it….

Fast forward to last year and he spiraled out of control, a man that he considered his father figure passed away and his drug use went crazy, drinking and using every other day, he walked out on me because I wanted it to stop, sided with his friend who wanted to use just like him and that was that, I took him back countless times, fell pregnant and I continued to stay clean, work hard and make a complete u turn.

He was vile last year, screaming my street down, going crazy when we were out and about – all looney stuff!

This year and we have spoken more, he’s been trying to win me back as his friend has ditched him, but the whole pervy thing!!

Well the other night after seeing him for a couple of hours I came home,

All fine as far as I knew,

But come morning and I wake up to my phone and a million messages, he’s still awake, been up all night and I’m guessing about 3 tickets down,

He’s sending me pervy messages about what he wants to do to me, where and is sending me filthy photos of all sorts!!

Not what I expected to wake up to, I felt slightly uncomfortable and with my daughters in the house I just deleted it all very quick and ignored him

Anyway later in the evening I get messages saying he felt like an idiot, obviously a full day of sleeping and he’s woken up to what he’s done!!

I have no idea if he’s cheated on me, it makes me feel sick!, I will say that excessive use makes his little friend try n disappear so I’ve never been too worried but you never no!

I don’t like it though, I don’t feel comfortable knowing he’s more than likely watching porn and messaging people

It’s a horrible drug! X

[Author]

Posts