[lizziee]

You are not alone. There are many parents out there living with this nightmare and I have been comforted that other people can understand what I am going through. Once your child is addicted and wants those drugs more than anything else – even more than the respect of their family, then the battle is hard. I spoke to my son a couple of days ago for the first time in weeks and he was sober for the first time in months and admitted he needs help. This is a huge step after years of abuse. I don’t think he will ever understand the impact he has had on our family, I could literally cry while I am writing this as like most people I just get on with it, dealing with one crisis at a time while trying to keep the family together. I have to keep hanging on to that bit of hope that things will get better and both him and me and we will come out the other side with some semblance of sanity, the alternative is too difficult to contemplate. Stay strong! x

[lizziee]

I would like to thank you for replying to my post. It has helped writing it down and I don’t feel as alone now knowing that others understand where I am coming from. People who have not lived it cannot truly understand the stress and impact of living with the constant fear of what will happen next. I carry the guilt of whether I could have done more to stop him (I don’t think for one minute there was anything he would have listened to), the worry of his current whereabouts and what he is doing (but the stress he causes when he does turn up is horrendous) and mentally prepare myself for the worst. My daughter, who has been my biggest support and has also tried for years to help him, is having CBT to help her cope with her anxieties about her brother. This is the impact he has had on my other children and it is not fair. Keep strong. x

[lizziee]

Thank you for your reply Sherry. I really appreciate your post. I am sorry that your daughter has taken this path and I truly understand the years of pain and torment you have suffered. It is hard to articulate to others how the choices of our children impact on us. When people say to me ‘he is your son, he needs you’ they have no idea how many times I have tried to help him and the support he has had from his family. I feel guilt and shame, have had anxiety and depression, and yet in the cold light of day I have to accept that these are his choices and it is not through lack of trying from my part that he is where he is now. I will be there if and when he needs me and will take your advice and live one day at a time. x

[lizziee]

Thank you for your reply. Having a child with drug and alcohol problems can make you feel very alone. I know there must be many, many families out there who suffer due to their children’s choices and actions. I was interested to read about the Stigma campaign as people’s attitudes don’t often help with how you’re feeling. Nobody ever asks about my son and he is still my boy despite the difficult decisions I have had to make to protect my other children. Not even some of my family members now. I don’t know if this is through embarrassment or because it is easier to ignore the problem. On a rainy night like this I worry about where he is sleeping, if he has eaten and what he has done to get the money to fund his habits. I have very little hope that the situation will end with a positive outcome as his mental health is so poor through all the years of abuse, although I never give up hope. The saddest thing is that he thinks I’ve given up on him because he doesn’t know about the times I’ve walked the streets looking for him and the things me and his sister have done to try and get him support. It will cost the state thousands of pounds if he continues to go in and out of prison and keeps abusing his body and yet help is difficult to find. It is the families who bear the brunt of lack of funding which is detrimental to our own health and well-being.

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