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Coco
Thank you for responding. He has not mentioned moving out unless it has been me trying to tell him hes messed up and him saying “do you want me to leave”?, but he has never said that he wants to move out. But he also does say that he has to be with me because he thinks im a bad mom and that I will not teach the kids the right way because he thinks I was not brought up the right way and thats why my past is the way that it is. He loves his kids so much and is good to them but I see this just getting worse by the second. I have told him I will support him through recovery, but then if he just takes off and I dont know where he is I freak out and then we start huge arguments again and he goes back to saying that I caused this.
I dont know how else to approach this.
Hi. This is my first post. I found out about a year and a half ago that my husband was using cocaine. We were having a fight and i thought he had a condom in his pocket and it was a small bag with coke. I was so mad and I asked him if he was using drugs all the time. He said no and that it was only from his birthday. Then we went on vacation and he bought some and showed it to me and I tried it as well for the first time. We both did it each night on vacation. I have done it a few times with him before it got to the point where I saw his personality significantly changing. I didnt realize how seriously into it he is. When we came home, I found a large bag with a a large amount of cocaine. He told me he doesnt do it that often and hasnt been doing it for that long. His behavior has started to get increasingly mean and scary. We already did have problems in our relationship and he blames me a lot for not being honest about my past. We have been married 15 years and together for 20. He gets jealous but wont admit he is jealous. He callsme horrible names all the time even though i have never cheated on him. After our vacation I found out I was pregnant and he said he was excited. Then he was angrier and angrier and would lash out and call me every name and even physically hit me. I had a miscarriage , and I will always believe it was because of the stress. Right before I miscarried he told me i should have an abortion. Since then he acts like he hates me more and more but then sometimes will snap out of it after the worst fights and want to be intimate. Then we will be ok for a few days and then the cycle will start again. I recently started to blame his cocaine habit for the way he is acting, and tells me that he is acting this way because of me and because i havent been honest with him about my past and that I am disgusting, and that he has the cocaine use under control I work fulltime and he stays home with our kids. . I am really worried about him and our family, but now when i try to say that he says that i didnt ever care about him and I havent actually tried to help him or try and be honest with him about my past so he wouldnt feel this way. I am really worried. He gets scary when he is angry and grabs me by the neck or slaps me in the face. I miss my husband. He has been sleeping in the basement for three weeks and says he never wants to sleep in bed with me again. Ive told him to get treatment. He even called my parents to try and convince them to help him deal with my lying, and told them that he is so upset about it that he uses cocaine. My parents are telling me that he needs treatment, which I agree with, but he wont listen to me and thinks I dont really care. I really just dont know what to do.