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lostsoul2021Participant
I’ve used that excuse “bored” many times but really when it comes down to it it’s just me wanting it, I can’t settle until I have it. My new girlfriend just fit into my life at the time because she used cocaine with me ( she never smoked crack) and she liked to party just as much as me so I had no1 nagging at me to stop because she was doing it with me. Time passed so quick and by the time I cut down and really actually looked at what I’d done it was too late because she was pregnant and I do feel awful on her because I shouldn’t have ever got into a new relationship, I should have tried to fix the one I broke but I blamed my ex for everything when really al the problems stemmed from my drug taking. My girlfriend isn’t attractive one bit and I know looks aren’t everything but I don’t know what I was thinking. But I’ve made my bed now and I’m trying to make it work for our baby’s sake because despite everything she is a nice person I just have to put me not loving her aside & help look after baby and hopefully I can cut my drug taking but thank you to those who’ve took time to read my long post and posting replies
lostsoul2021ParticipantI’m taking the drugs to blank things out also cos that’s the only time I do forget about everything
lostsoul2021ParticipantI’ve wanted to time & time again but then I can’t get it out of my mouth. I’ve ended it a couple of times then some how I end up back because I feel guilty and don’t want to cause her or baby stress. I just don’t know how long I can go pretending because I know the baby won’t make me love her and I’m already distant with her but it’s all my own doing I’ve got myself into this mess, I just never in a million years thought I’d be in this situation when I first met her but in some ways I think she wanted to get pregnant but what’s done is done but thank you for all your help I really appreciate it
lostsoul2021ParticipantIt has helped and I don’t know really and I do actually enjoy smoking it then the next day I think to myself never again and when I’ve tried to stop I can never get over the 3 week mark ever and that’s where all the problems from my old relationship stemmed from because of me saying “ that was my last” even through this pregnancy I planned on sorting myself out but I haven’t, I still haven’t moved on from my old relationship even though I have a girlfriend and baby on the way & it was me who “moved” on first but I think I’m still struggling to stop & forget my old relationship and it’s not helping that I text her most of the time, just in a friendly manor then I stop thinking it’s wrong then I can’t help myself but to text her again, this has been going on for the last 8 months talking to her regular and I can’t seem to stop! my life’s just one bit mess
lostsoul2021ParticipantA very big mess to say the least! The thing is I don’t think I’m ready to admit properly for professional help even though I need to stop if that makes sense? I won’t leave straight after the baby but I think it’s wise I leave eventually then I get into my head that the baby coming will bring the love for her even though I know it probably won’t but I just argue with my own self al the time about different scenarios that might happen. Thank you for taking your time reading my long post and helpful advice
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