[lostsoul2021]

I’ve used that excuse “bored” many times but really when it comes down to it it’s just me wanting it, I can’t settle until I have it. My new girlfriend just fit into my life at the time because she used cocaine with me ( she never smoked crack) and she liked to party just as much as me so I had no1 nagging at me to stop because she was doing it with me. Time passed so quick and by the time I cut down and really actually looked at what I’d done it was too late because she was pregnant and I do feel awful on her because I shouldn’t have ever got into a new relationship, I should have tried to fix the one I broke but I blamed my ex for everything when really al the problems stemmed from my drug taking. My girlfriend isn’t attractive one bit and I know looks aren’t everything but I don’t know what I was thinking. But I’ve made my bed now and I’m trying to make it work for our baby’s sake because despite everything she is a nice person I just have to put me not loving her aside & help look after baby and hopefully I can cut my drug taking but thank you to those who’ve took time to read my long post and posting replies

[lostsoul2021]

I’m taking the drugs to blank things out also cos that’s the only time I do forget about everything

[lostsoul2021]

I’ve wanted to time & time again but then I can’t get it out of my mouth. I’ve ended it a couple of times then some how I end up back because I feel guilty and don’t want to cause her or baby stress. I just don’t know how long I can go pretending because I know the baby won’t make me love her and I’m already distant with her but it’s all my own doing I’ve got myself into this mess, I just never in a million years thought I’d be in this situation when I first met her but in some ways I think she wanted to get pregnant but what’s done is done but thank you for all your help I really appreciate it

[lostsoul2021]

It has helped and I don’t know really and I do actually enjoy smoking it then the next day I think to myself never again and when I’ve tried to stop I can never get over the 3 week mark ever and that’s where all the problems from my old relationship stemmed from because of me saying “ that was my last” even through this pregnancy I planned on sorting myself out but I haven’t, I still haven’t moved on from my old relationship even though I have a girlfriend and baby on the way & it was me who “moved” on first but I think I’m still struggling to stop & forget my old relationship and it’s not helping that I text her most of the time, just in a friendly manor then I stop thinking it’s wrong then I can’t help myself but to text her again, this has been going on for the last 8 months talking to her regular and I can’t seem to stop! my life’s just one bit mess

[lostsoul2021]

A very big mess to say the least! The thing is I don’t think I’m ready to admit properly for professional help even though I need to stop if that makes sense? I won’t leave straight after the baby but I think it’s wise I leave eventually then I get into my head that the baby coming will bring the love for her even though I know it probably won’t but I just argue with my own self al the time about different scenarios that might happen. Thank you for taking your time reading my long post and helpful advice

[Author]

Posts