Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Hey Chelsie
I’m not sure what your answer is but do not feel guilty about your email. Having a loved one as an addict is truly horrible and what you told him was the truth about how you feel and what you went through. While my son was in rehab, we had a family therapy day, part of the process was to tell your loved one how you felt when they were so crazy/angry/abusive/manipulative towards you but follow it up with the positivity and why you love them. It is the addiction that is horrible not the person.
You must do what is right for you, but don’t feel guilty for letting him know what his addiction has put you through, he will probably feel shame and self loathing but hopefully he can continue his path of recovery. It is an emotional roller coaster for everyone. I talk through personal experience but you must do what you feel is right for you.
Hi Lime18
It gets to all of us, I am sure of that! Sometimes you want to rant and other times you just think Enough! I don’t think you are a misery, I think you are a mum who loves her son and is desperately sad and angry that addiction rules his life, as I am. So you take care xxxx
Hi Mikeyb, I read your post a few days ago and it is so powerful that it drew me back again today. I am the mother of a cocaine addict and he like yourself is a wonderful human being but the cocaine turns people into something they are not.
I feel very strongly that more should be done with our youth whilst they are at school to show them the negative effects this has. Have you ever thought about talking to youngsters? because your passion shines through this message.
I have the utmost respect for all of you that try to battle your addictions, no matter what they are. Be true and honest and love yourself for who you are, hopefully one day you will feel love and happiness again without it being artificially induced.
Take care xx
Good Luck Ali51, The fact you are both talking is a massive positive. Take comfort in that. Keeping everything crossed for you both.
I am so sorry DNAnon, more than anything else it is so hurtful. It must be hard to keep a brave face and see your grandchildren, although children have an amazing knack of making you smile xxx Like all of us, I expect you are driving yourself crazy with the not knowing and also the selfishness that addicts seem to have in abundance. I have to remind myself it is the drug not the person, our lovely beautiful boys are in their somewhere and once they decide to make a reappearance and battle the drug we will be here wholeheartedly to support them xx
Yes, I have to focus on my other three now and hope that one day my son will come back to me xxx
And thank you for asking, my son hasn’t spoken to me in a week, that is actually the longest ever I have gone without contact. I found out yesterday that he had applied for credit in my name. I worry constantly but I have started to become a bit numb of all feeling, although I did shed a tear (of joy) when I read how well your son was doing xxx
Oh Paula, I am so pleased for you and your son. You must feel like a weight has been lifted for now at least. He may have found his calling in life and embraced it. I know there is always that feeling of worry but as time goes on and the months clean turn into a year I hope the worry will lessen. I wish you both all the luck in the world. x So So pleased to read this this morning xxxxx
Hi Ali51
How much do you love him and Do you trust him? Do you believe that he is no longer sniffing? If he is drinking more then is that also a problem? He clearly needs help with his mental health and there are all sorts of therapies around that do not involve taking medication. But he would need to do this himself.
Maybe you could speak to a professional (counsellor, doctor etc) and get some advice and proper facts about addiction, no matter what the addiction is somewhere inside the body is the person you love. Sometimes it helps to understand addiction and what is going on in their bodies to make them crave it. At the end of the day you can support him and point him in the right direction but only he can make the choice to help himself.
I hope this has not come across too uncaring, every body on this site will be feeling your pain.
You sound young and in love, do not get so absorbed in his problems that you stop looking after you.. You matter too xx
Thank you for sharing your story. This is my biggest fear, that my son will OD or die of a seizure. I think what you are doing is inspirational and it made me cry… Good luck VickieD, what a lovely lady you are xx
Hi DNAnon
How is your son? Did you manage to find out where he went for the week… I hope it is good news.
xx
Hi Paula
How is your son doing? 4 months is fab xx
Hi ButtonBoy , its so hard to watch them struggle, my son who is now 24 had a relapse too and I ended up driving around a village trying to find him as he was calling me hiding in a bush as a dealer had broken into his flat looking for him as he owed him money. He escaped the flat and hid… AND again I paid his debts by using my credit cards and taking a bank loan although I told him the last time that I would never pay his debts again! He was so grateful and told me he was back at CA and remorseful but I know like every other time I have helped I wont get a penny back. He stole from me a couple of weeks ago but obviously says it wasn’t him… My son lived with me until December when he was granted a council flat, he is working and has to pay rent and bills etc and I thought his would be his turning point… but sadly not. He has already been through rehab but his addiction is so strong, he hates it and hates what it is doing but is not strong enough to stop. I know that before rehab he sniffed throughout the day, it got so bad he the got seizures… I don’t know if the addiction is now the same again or hasn’t got to that point yet. He says he is clean… I say he is not so now he hasn’t contacted me for a week and I hate it but there is a small part of me that is grateful that I am not living in that environment again. My other children deserve more, I have made the decision to put their needs before his because he has had my full attention for far too long. My other 3 hate drugs and the world surrounding it so I need to concentrate on them now. I love my son so much that my heart aches for him but I can’t save him, only he can do that. xx I cant tell you whether to pay the debts or not and like Lime18 I have never been able to say No..
Hi Amethyst2018
Sorry I haven’t logged in for a few days… As he is under 18 maybe he would be in a juvenile facility and that would hopefully embrace rehabilitation etc… but I have no experience of this so I really don’t know… Have you anybody close that you can talk to about this in confidence? x
Hi LemonySnicket
You sound determined and that’s good. Having wonderful friends who you can call upon is a god send. I do so very much hope that your husband embraces this and wakes up to what he is losing. I wish you all the luck in the word x
Hi LemonySnicket
Only you can tell if you are doing the right thing, I have a son who is a cocaine addict and that is a whole other story! but my ex-husband is a gambling addict. Addiction is the same whatever, My ex and I were together for nearly 30 years and I always thought he gambled but I was made to feel that it was in my head, the lies, deception and manipulation is incredible. He only ever admitted it one time which is when I searched and found evidence so he couldn’t deny it… We have had to sell houses, and my parents bailed him out, he also took out loans and cards in my name. After this we had a good couple of years where I think he had got it under control but then the money started disappearing and court demands started to arrive and HMRC and VAT and cards and loans… He swore blind it was not down to gambling but something snapped, I had to safeguard what was left in equity and give my 4 children a stable environment to live in. I left him and for the next 2 years I tried to help, gave him numbers and meetings, said I would support him but he told me he didn’t need it as he didn’t gamble anymore… I am now divorced, I got 49% of what was left in equity and my ex had 51% which included his debts being paid off, he lived in a flat with no mortgage and I bought a house with the help of my parents and mortgaged up to my eyeballs to house the 4 children, My ex declared bankruptcy 2 years ago after having sold his flat and gambling the proceeds but he is still adamant he does not have a problem! It took me about 3 years to see that I had done the right thing by leaving, the guilt I felt for breking up my family was huge but he is till an addict and still in denial. What people don’t see is that you are heartbroken too. I am fine now and stand by my decision. So Lemony Snicket, listen to your gut and do what is right by you and your children, only you can make that decision … Good luck and stay strong xxx