[louisa100]

My boyfriend also goes into chat groups for weird fetishes and even tries to contact a dominatrix when he’s on crack. I caught him out both times and I felt my sense of myself was being shredded by this. I had no idea when I met him about the drugs. Nor one of the links though he did tell me about the doms in the past but said he was looking for love and a real relationship now after years of being alone. I trusted him and things gradually unveiled themselves to me. We’ve had blazing rows and he’s called me all kinds for discovering him! No remorse just defensive anger at being caught out. I’ve told him to leave in those fights but he won’t. I am really confused. I’ve told him what I want from him but he still does crack on his own. I could cope with it (we don’t live together) until I found that it was when he was using the drug that he reverted to previous sexual behaviours too. Our sex life was not great but now it’s non existent. I can’t bring myself to trust that he actually wants me and not some other old habit.

I am sure he was trying to change and be more normal but can’t and it’s left me feeling like the big disappointment for just being normal and wanting fun love sex and to be a partnership.

I feel as a woman my feminity has been trampled. Can’t seem to give up on something I know is going to die pretty soon. I lov Ed the person he can be but I see and feel the split in him and I think it’s been going on too long. He won’t go to NA or admit it’s a problem he needs help with. I need to end this but it’s breaking my heart

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