Your not alone in all this – there are so many of us effected by our partners behaviour- all the advice on all the sites and blogs say to walk away and look after yourself – which is true I know – but I get the fear – I’m terrified of leaving my partner in case he does kill himself / overdose etc I don’t want to abandon someone I love . Try and get some help for you and ultimately I guess we both need to try and move on and get out .