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Your not alone in all this – there are so many of us effected by our partners behaviour- all the advice on all the sites and blogs say to walk away and look after yourself – which is true I know – but I get the fear – I’m terrified of leaving my partner in case he does kill himself / overdose etc I don’t want to abandon someone I love . Try and get some help for you and ultimately I guess we both need to try and move on and get out .
I’m in a similar place – and I’m sorry your going through this – please please remember it’s easy to feel that it’s us that’s not enough and why don’t they love us enough to stop or to change – that’s not true though – it’s a compulsive pattern of behaviour- they can’t help it to an extent – once they get on coke that’s it – there is no rhyme or reason – I don’t have an answer to solve your issue but know this – you ar enough and his addiction is not a reflection on you