[lucy]

Thanks for your support it feels like i can vent a little people on here can for once relate.He is being a little manipulative at the moment. I will try and think of this as one day at a tym xx

[lucy]

He has tried over the years he really has i think thats why it hurts so much aswell bcoz i no how much he hates it n what his life becomes once that devil is on his back again.. the demons keep coming back n he is back to square one again. He has never used in my hone but i would b lying if i said nothing was around my children bcoz obviously they have seen n heard the fights seen me broken n my oldest eventually aware of his drug abuse and i regret that he will grow up knowing what he does but my priority is myself n kids today and i will put us first today. Hugs to u aswell hun x

[lucy]

Thanks for your comments i feel i am gettin my feelings out abit by doin this blog. I have to accept that it will be hard it will be hard to have a life without him bcoz ive only really got him and my children but like u have said a life seeing him in addiction offers nothing and we will continue in circles and after years of supporting him loving him and not giving up i no i want more out of life. Its hard when that person is ur best friend..we have had many ‘clean times’ together n therefore many many good times..this is obviously why i have stuck by him but we just have to get to a point where we put ourselves first when we realise that we can only change ourselves and that life is short and i dont want my life to b tortured by his addiction. Its hard and it can b draining just staying away staying strong and knowing that u want somebody so much to b in ur life but knowing that u have to do wot is right not wot is easy. I pray he will b truly happy one day x

[lucy]

Ultimately i believe we all make decisions when we are ready and willing and nobody else telling you what they think you should do will change that but my opinion on what little you have said is..get out while it is still early days,while your children are not being raised knowing that their mom has a partner who is on drugs and the effects of that on their mom down the line. He is stealing from u already and u already dont trust him..he is showing little control of his addiction or respect for u already. I hope you can feel stronger with or without your partner in time and i pray u dont live for years oto come in his addiction. X

[lucy]

Ultimately most of us only make decisions when we r ready to and despite what anybody tells us but my opinion on your situation is that there is one thing supporting ur loved one still loving them and being torn apart bcoz of theur drug abuse and then there is the way he is treating you.. he is seeing you n ur child go without every week which is down to u to change bcoz he probably wont bcoz his priority right now is crack and whilst he is in addiction he wont b able to put anybodys needs before his own only u can change u cant change him..i hope u find the strength to realise u deserve better..i no its much harder said than done. X

[lucy]

I think the thing to remember is that it IS going to hurt it is goin to be hard and u will miss that person and still love that person which i have to accept in order to be able to put myself first bcoz ive said for so long that i deserve better that i am not willing to go back if theres another relapse n ov corse there has been n ov corse i have..but i think i worry still n thats wot makes me send a tx sayin he can come and eat with us or meet me i feel guilt i feel a deep sadness that he has nobody but when i see him it hurts as i look at man that isnt truly with me he is lost and he is thin and he hasnt eaten n it is just so sad i cant bear to let go n not know what is happening to him but im not his mom n i cant as much as it is goin to hurt live in his addiction nymore i feel us or myself pulling more n more away n mayb thats why im upset bcoz i no deep down before i no it i wont have him in my life nymore n i still love my partner and im scared of letting go ill be honestt ive only really got him n my kids but we will never have a true n good life whilst he uses

[lucy]

Im going to pray for him for myself n for my children its about the only thing left to do. Ur right u have to put urself first after so long bcoz the only person we can change is ourselves n ive finally learnt that but even tho now i can tell him to go and mean it and feel strong most of the time about focusing on myself n my kids i still have days where im lost with it where i feel a mixture of emotions about the years spent together and still feel guilt and heartache wen i no i have to put boundaries down it still crushes me to see the rapid change in him weni no he has relapsed and i still feel fear over cutting him out completely which is why i never have..he is pretty much all ive got and vice versa

[lucy]

I am in a very similar situation. I have been with him 6 years two children he has been smoking heroin for all ov his adult life on n off for nearly twenty years he is nearly 35. He has been to prison n rehab regularly went na etc thru the years he isnt in denial he has done lots of work around his addiction over the years too the situation for me n him now is after bein clean for around 4 months thru rehab he has used a handful ov times over the past couple ov months i no its on him now n wots ahead ov usn im not willing or wanting to go thru this again but he only has me i love n care for him nhe is homeless if i tell him to leave if he stays im scared of him not being able to stop at this point of his using i just feel torn n gutted for him.

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