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hi Rachy,

well done for reaching out. It’s such an awful feeling and situation you are going through. I’ve never admitted on the site before as I’ve been on here seeking advice about my partner but I was like you many years ago. It’s easy for me to forget as i last used 15 years ago but going to meetings with my partner recently has bought back memories for me and I feel a hypocrite for how angry I get with him sometimes. He wouldn’t recognise me if he knew me back then!

you need to talk to ur partner and tell him how serious it is for you as long as you feel safe to do that.
The fact that he does coke too means you have a much slimmer chance of stopping. How often is he using do you know?
You should search for CA meetings near you and go.you can call them up first for a chat if you feel more comfortable doing this and they can tell you where you’d nearest meetung is or try one online. I recommend you do this tomorrow while you are feeling like this. They will find you a sponsor, someone who can guide you through the steps. It’s all anonymous so no child protection are involved.

Alternatively look up smart meetings or you can do both at the same time.

it’s sounds as though your partner could maybe do with some support too.

it’s a tough addiction, please don’t beat yourself up, you’ve been very open and honest which takes courage.

you can get better but it will take work. But your life will be amazing and it will get easier in time and so worth it.
If other people can do it then so can you too.

U know the saying “if you keep doing what you’ve always done you will get what you’ve always got”

xxx

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You made a good point about the because he’s stopped for 3 days you should trust him.

I think because they’ve got so used to wanting quick rewards with how their brains are wired with the drugs they see everything else as wanting if instantly when trust really takes time and effort.

I really hope your husband gets back on track xx

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Hi Kulstar,

well done on your continued recovery.

how did you get to the point of seeing everything truly clearly like what you had become and how it was affecting loved ones?

Do you feel your empathy had been shut off and were there times you acted as if you didn’t care or told her you didn’t care about what she had to say when your wife was clearly distressed?

my partner has sent a big apology message yesterday saying he’s so ashamed at how he’s treated me and that he’s not surprised I don’t wanna go near him etc but I don’t even know if I should believe it or not as he had been so cold and callous earlier in the day after being awake for 2 days on coke, ket and alcohol.

I was sobbing my heart out saying I’m breaking down and that I felt like dying (I was seriously sleep deprived) and he kept repeating tell someone who cares, his attitude came after I refused to let him hug me as I’ve been pushing him away the last few weeks because I’m so let down and hurt. He explained after that he treated me that way because he feels so worthless because I won’t go near him physically and then said he understands why I don’t want to.

every time I let my barrier down I get disappointed

He’s currently not at home. He keeps saying he can’t get better if he’s not home but we’ve been here so many times and he comes back and slips again.

he’s due to start meetings again and is up for trying smart recovery ones this time as a start.  Has a new job to start Monday but I’m not ready to have him back full time. The only problem is that the places he’s staying are all big triggers. I’m not sure what to do in that respect either.

sorry for the long ramble

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Coke or ketamine can be in either a bag or wrapped in something like a lottery ticket or something similar but of old leaflet or anything . Ketamine is more crystaly looking than coke, bigger granules too.

 

 

 

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Also you can look up smart recovery

it’s meant to have the same success rates as 12 step program, they have meetings too

 

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Contact adapt in Oxford for your son. They offer a residential funded program. Speak to them about your situation they may be able to help.

good luck xx

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Hostile comment By another user not by you just to clarify Jem x

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Hi jem

i doubt that person will be back on the forum after the hostile comment that was made when he reached out for help 🙁

have you got any experience with smart recovery ? I read it’s as successful as NA CA etc

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Thank you both for your replies.

Oh my god Nicole he really did have full blown psychosis, I don’t know how you got through that.

mine is really paranoid about me cheating and it’s doing my head in, I feel so isolated and I’m not putting up with it anymore, he has massive abandonment issues from childhood too. Honestly he would probably even accuse me of sleeping with a lamp post.
I got a barrage of messages and calls calling me a slag a few days ago after i went out for an hour to a prom for children leaving school and he was convinced I was with a teacher there and I hatched a big plan.

hrs been on it pretty much non stop for a month, he’s a mess. I know he’s been smoking crack too but he probably won’t admit

I’m done with the circus.

he wants to meet and go for food on the weekend and have a talk about repairing things. He will promise meetings this and that. probably go to a few then mess up. Who knows.

This cycle is just crap.

How long has he been clean?

Has any of his empathy come back at all?

xxx

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well done for reaching out.

Try CA meetings, go online and Search one up or call the support line,

you can also contact adapt in Oxford they offer a residential programme.

Have u ever tried treatment?

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Oh Nicole, I really feel for you, I cannot imagine how you are feeling. Can I ask you about what his behaviour is like with the paranoia and psychosis?

Was any of it aimed at you?

Xx

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Thanks paw, I can tell you have a really good strong mindset which is the only one you can have in this situation or you will drown it in and yes you are right this is his fight and he knows exactly what support is out there and where to go.

I won’t live another moment in this hell. My life feels crippled at the minute. It’s bad enough him doing what he’s doing without him stopping me from doing anything positive.

Before this month he was still getting on it every 3/4 days which was Annoying but it wasn’t in anyway this bad and had done my garden up as a surprise and taken me away on a nice break away non stop looking for work. Was semi functional. But looking back I should have put my foot right down as soon as he lost his job a few months back

I sent him a message this eve saying not to talk to me unless he’s in treatment and if he doesn’t want to get help that’s also ok.

Problem is all his stuff here and he has some things in my name and debts that need sorting asap.

xx

 

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Hi paw,

yeah he’s still taking it. Has been non stop for 4 weeks and last night was icing on cake harassing me while at a school prom to say goodbyes to the school leavers I’ve supported at the school I work in.

he thought I had a plan to hook up with a member of staff their and had even invited himself along which I explained wasn’t possible! Obviously lol

i was a wreck, stayed an hour and came home. Which I had only planned to do anyway.

He was accusing me of turning up there drunk, I barely drink.

he FaceTimed me and I could see he was the one off his head!!!

he was calling me awful names which he has only ever done once.
the worst thing is I hardly ever go out and the times I do this is the type of reaction and to be honest sometimes sober too due to his abandonment issues but not as over the top

All of his sorrys and begging he did before he found out I was popping out now mean nothing. He was promising to go back to meetings and saying how badly he’s messed up this Time. Had also been missing for a few days until a few days ago but I haven’t had him back.

I actually came home and burst in to tears to my 20 year old daughter and showed her the messages which I’ve never done before I think a part of me knew she would take control, which I feel selfish for now. She grabbed my phone and blocked him. She sent him an angry message and then she blocked him too.

the way I felt yesterday and I’m feeling today I’m just sickened by what this drug does to people. I don’t recognise him.

Even if he starts meetings again I really don’t know if I can get over this feeling.

xxx

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Paw, you’ve been through so much, very strong indeed.

can I ask was your husband’s paranoia bad when using also what was his mental health issue? I remember we spoke on a different thread before

I’m currently dealing with my partner in serious paranoia. Has been pretty much non stop for 3 weeks.
I can’t cope anymore with the false accusations. I’ve never cheated. I feel completely terrorised.

I’ve blocked him this evening as was getting too much. We live together but he’s not here right now

i feel like my life is being crippled at present

xx

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I know a few people who stopped on their own over the years but this has been rare in my experience but not impossible.

the disappearing is a sign of heavy use. My partner does this sometimes on a big binge, it’s so distressing when this happens isn’t it xx

but really I think they want to be left alone with their drugs and not have us killing their buzz and then are too paranoid and a mess to face us it seems but it is completely selfish and feels cruel and makes the whole situation worse.

im tired of it all

xx

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