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Hi “Can’t take no more ” how are you getting on with your son now ? Are things any better ? I really hope they are !!

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Me too “can’t take no more ” similar tale . My son (20) about to be kicked out of another rental . On 12 month suspended sentence for car theft . Drugs & alcohol . He is dealing & I’m sure will end up in prison . Nothing is ever his fault . I’ve done everything I can to help and about had my heart broken many times . We are a stable hardworking family & he had a privileged upbringing , but to hear him talk you would never think so . He came up for dinner this eve , wasted & got angry when I wanted him to leave soon after he had eaten . My husband & I don’t want him in our home when he is like this and yet he denies that he has taken anything . I’m tired of thinking this must be my fault and am trying to toughen up . Like you I will be there with both hands outstretched if he begins to want to move his life forward . It’s very hard to watch a much loved son waste what was a very caring & bright future .

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Me too “can’t take no more ” similar tale . My son (20) about to be kicked out of another rental . On 12 month suspended sentence for car theft . Drugs & alcohol . He is dealing & I’m sure will end up in prison . Nothing is ever his fault . I’ve done everything I can to help and about had my heart broken many times . We are a stable hardworking family & he had a privileged upbringing , but to hear him talk you would never think so . He came up for dinner this eve , wasted & got angry when I wanted him to leave soon after he had eaten . My husband & I don’t want him in our home when he is like this and yet he denies that he has taken anything . I’m tired of thinking this must be my fault and am trying to toughen up . Like you I will be there with both hands outstretched if he begins to want to move his life forward . It’s very hard to watch a much loved son waste what was a very caring & bright future .

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Hi Lucy 21 . It’s good that you found a solution to your relationship problem and thank you for sharing . I can only speak for myself but this is not a route I would choose for myself .

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I am so so sorry for you and your boy . I have no words to even begin to heal your pain . My heart reaches out to you .

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Your story is also mine . My son was arrested last week for the first time . Court next week . I too have made the decision to withdraw for the time being . No more paying his debts etc . He knows I love him & I know he loves me but I cannot carry on this way . He has been given so many opportunities to change his ways but at present he drinks too much and uses so called “party drugs ” . His behaviour is erratic . I think it’s easier for him to stay as he is than make the effort to change . I know he is terrified of going to court . I completely understand your thinking prison would give you a degree of peace of mind , I have thought the same at times . Stay strong , breathe deep and keep the faith that one day our children will change their lives . Cyber hugs to all of us .

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hi and thanks for asking . sadly not great . he drove his girlfriends car last week , crashed it . Has been charged with taking without permission , no licence or insurance . Court next week . He says he has no memory of even taking the car . I was devastated as two weeks before I had helped him move from the town drug house he’d been living in to a rural rental on a farm close by . He had said all the right things about changing his life etc so I paid the deposit . I don’t think he has paid any rent yet so before long he will have to move again . He came to my house the day after he crashed the car and for the first time ever he saw me in full devastated crying mode . I have finally told him I won’t be helping anymore unless I see positive signs that he is helping himself and that I now have to step back and leave him to his own choices . I think if I can’t do this then I will end up ill !!!! His actions affect the whole family and my deep sadness is affecting all of us . It’s been a week since I saw him and already I am panicking at his lack of contact with me , although I know his sisters have heard from him so I know he is fine . He has been drinking this week so my hopes that he has had a wakeup call are somewhat dashed . He cries and tells me he wants to change his life but I know it’s less effort for him to stay as he is . I think I have to teach myself to indulge in less guilt & self pity . He is responsible for what he does and with all the love and will in the world I cannot make him change . So struggling hurting and still trying to talk some sense into myself and hoping for a day when he sees that his lifestyle can only end badly for him .

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Worn out mum . . . . Thanks and sorry for your pain. Iv’e now been a few years down this road with my son . Many arguments but our personal relationship has improved somewhat . From hating me he will now give me a hug and tell me he loves me . It doesn’t change his circumstances sadly . When we row i do my best not to call him and let him contact me . Easy to say and very hard to do but i think to chase him gives him more power knowing how desperate i am for his safety . My boy is very manipulative. After years of him stealing from us i no longer allow him to move freely around our house . He hasn’t now stolen for a year but he’s dealing so has no need . I am trying to toughen up and convince myself that he must follow his own path and that paying his debts etc is only allowing him to carry on doing what he does . Really no one knows how much of my time is spent worrying & feeling guilt and sadness for my lad but i now honestly don’t think there is anything i can do to change him . I must try to stay strong and not let his choices affect my health . Oh so wise words eh !!! Maybe we can only hope that sometime soon they will want to change their lives in a good way . I so want to feel the truth of it not being my fault and my head knows this logically but sadly my head and my heart are not in tandem .

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