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I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I know that can be hard on you, as well as your family. Again, our situations are even more similar. My dad lost his mom about three weeks ago. It wasn’t sudden since she was older and in poor health, but it was still a hard loss for him and he was coping with alcohol and drugs.
Have you tried talking to your mother about attending either AA or an alternative program when she does try to quit for a week or two? My dad was pretty stubborn about it because he unsuccessfully tried AA in the past, but we asked him to try a different program with different values (SMART Recovery), and he agreed to give it a shot.
For yourself and your family, I’m planning to try out a virtual ‘Friends and Family Support’ type meeting (Al-Anon, essentially). I don’t know if I will like it or what I will get out of it, but it doesn’t hurt to try.
Good luck to you and your family. Xx
She may not be open to the idea, but she might benefit from rehab. I have a friend who– after years of suffering from major depression, suicidal tendencies, and substance addiction– checked into a rehab facility that focused primarily on mental health, and it helped her a lot. They placed her in a house with seven women in similar situations, spent a lot of time doing therapy, and taught her healthier coping mechanisms.
The biggest problem is that your wife will only accept help if she is ready for it. If she isn’t in a state of mind where she wants to get better, she won’t. But a rehab program like the one I mentioned might give her the initial motivation she needs.
Take care of yourself. Reach out to her friends and family to help you. You are not alone, and you shouldn’t take on the full responsibility of getting her better. Try to find a few other people to help you, help her.
Hi Lea3545,
This sounds similar to my situation. My dad has substance issues but is too stubborn to get help whenever we offer. He will quit for a week or two, just like you said, but always goes back. And also just like you said, when he’s sober, things between us are great, but when he isn’t, it causes me so much stress and anxiety that I hate to be around him.
We just convinced him to quit again after an incident landed him in the hospital this past week; we were hoping for rehab, but he only agreed to quitting and going to meetings. I’m scared it won’t last, just like it never has before.
I don’t know if I really have advice, since I’m struggling through it too. But I do relate, and it’s kinda hard to find someone who gets it. I’ve found it’s best to be supportive when you can and tough when you need to be. I hope your mom realizes how she’s hurting you before it’s too late.
You are not alone 🙂