[meerkat]

Yes I agree. It seems to be the only coping strategy he has for any negative emotions. I’m really conscious of trying to talk about different ways of coping with the kids if they are sad/worried/stressed out so they at least have some options.

[meerkat]

It’s so hard to love someone with an addiction and do the right thing for you and for them. You mentioned wanting to have children. I wish I’d thought more what life would be like for children with a husband who has an addiction. At every age, there have been different things to think about. When they were little I couldn’t always trust him to look after them when he’d had a drink as it wasn’t safe, as they get older, they compare with their friends and don’t understand why things are different, what will happen as they grow into adults and see this as normal. How will this inform their choices as young adults? I don’t have the answers, but I do wish I had been more honest with myself years ago. If life is like this now, is there any guarantee it will change in the future? Hugs of support and strength to you x

[meerkat]

Thank you for replying. I really appreciate that.

He sometimes acknowledges that this is an issue. We talked about it after I posted. He says he can’t stop and doesn’t want to as “drink is all he has”. He feels like he doesn’t have control over anything in his life apart from this. Sometimes this turns back on me and blames me for needing to drink. I know this is not the case. We’re lucky to have a lovely family, a nice home. He suffered a lot of trauma in his young life and that perhaps changed him forever. We have so much to be thankful for, I find it so hard to understand why he can’t see it. And why not want to try to make a change if he acknowledges that this is not a good example for the children? In the past he has tried different types of counselling but says none of them work, they make him want to drink more.

I agree with you when you say that unless he sees it as a problem and wants to help himself there is nothing I can do. Accepting that is hard, I feel weak for giving in and as if I am condoning it. I start to feel resentful sometimes that to stay together as a family, I have to back down and accept something I feel is so wrong, and just put up with it. I don’t think there is a solution, but being able to talk on here is really helpful x

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