[mik1445]

Hi guys

Thank you so much for sharing , I feel i cant portry how much I appreciate it just from trying words on here .

But reading both your stories is an eye opener!

I feel i havent really caused much damage yet ,

But im just every obessive about things , like hobbies , i cant just have a hobbie i turn it into everything and want to know everything about

Like with bodybuilding or music , i have to be 10000%

I so guess im worried that will cross over into cocaine

And i dont have any friends to talk to about it or family that would understand and I wouldn’t want them to know , they have no idea im struggle with this at the minute and i feel at this point if they did it could course more problems than solve any as my life from the outside looking in looks great ..

But i guess most peoples do ..

So i feel i have made the right choice coming here before i get the stage where it really taking over .

I havent touched the stuff in 2 weeks , i have been tempted

And for no other reason than iv had a bit of spear money and had a few hours to my self which is shameful.

So what i have been doing is

Putting the money away for a holiday (hopefully this year) or buying little treats for the family.

And if the urge comes insed of wasting time trying to think of a way to justify it , this is how my head works ,”iv worked sixy hour this week

And been a good dad /partner, iv got a few hours to myself so why not ..’

Im trying to re-train myself from that ridiculous thought pattern . So a walk could do it

Recording some music ..

Painting the kitchen (which iv been saying id so for the last year ! )

Il admit it dosemt always work and il be a little moody and shut off and when my partner ask whats wrong i just tell her im tired or had s bad day at work, then i try again the next day

I think my problem is trying to get it out of my head thats it a reward, i dont drink or smoke so i think as silly as it sounds i see using as ‘”me time”

This is what usally do ..

If i know im off work and not got the kids are at the grandparents and my partners at

I get what i need as early as i can once im the only one in thr house then i will literally spend the day cleaning the house while completely paranoid then i try and be done with it 1-2 hours before anyone is due to be home so i can try and start to feel somwhst normal again.

I wont leave the house as im so ashamed of it .

Sorry for such a long post

And the horrendous spelling and punctuation.

And thank you again x

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