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I’m sort of lucky in that the manipulation, or attempt at manipulation, was fairly clumsy. So I could easily recognize it, even if I may still have given him money.

I did raise it with him, too. Not that he thinks he was being actively manipulative.

Regardless, we had a long talk last night about his abuse, how it’s impacting both of us. He said he would at least cut down. Was I a bit silly to believe him? Turns out he was almost immediately on to trying to find another dealer.

He said he might be visiting a friend this weekend who’s going through suicidal thoughts. But according to a mutual friend, no such plans. I’m shocked how quickly it’s gone from downplaying to active deception. And now I’m having to brace myself for the probability he’s been lying to me for a lot longer.

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Thank you – and I’m sorry to hear in turn what you’re going through. Although it hurt a bit to read, but that’s because I recognize a couple of things in there that I didn’t mention myself. Starting strife or stress as a pretext to “de-stress” – he hasn’t copped to it but I suspect that’s exactly what happened last night.

Cleaning the house – yep, I got told off for wiping down the dinner table when his parents were coming over for Easter. Cause there was ket on it that could’ve been swept up into another line. Another thing that got brought up directly before “are you sure you don’t have any more money you could transfer me?”.

He insists it’s not bad and has been worse. I’ve no doubt it’s been worse, but it doesn’t mean it’s not bad now. He’s promised that we’ll have a full and frank conversation about his use, but he keeps putting it off “until tomorrow”. I don’t know how many more tomorrows I can hold out for.

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Shell, I’m so sorry to read what you’re going through. Partly because in many ways I’m living a soft version of this right now. Our bills are getting paid, but only just, and then of course he constantly needs money that I just don’t have afterwards.

Can’t tell his family – same here. It all just makes you feel alone, I’m guessing? Does anyone else know how bad it is (in his life, I mean)? I’m feeling a lot less alone now that a few of mine’s friends have reached out to me, even though we’re far from out of the woods. I pray you have someone – anyone – in your life you can reach out to.

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