[mumofone]

I’m so sorry Worn down mum and Fiona, I know exactly what you’re going through and how you feel. I too want a magic solution for my son (as do we all) but I realise there are none. Our children have to want to help themselves before we can help them. My son, my wonderful, bright, intelligent, handsome, funny, loving son has become someone else. He’s dropped out of university, he can’t hold down a job. I’ve been in denial for so long.

Like you, I’m in so much debt supporting him… paying his bills….. also to the tune of around 10 grand… money I have borrowed…. and it’s ongoing. The worry for my son is overwhelming and the worry about money is overwhelming too. I can’t sleep and when I do drop off it’s from pure exhaustion and then, as Fiona says, the horrors rise within me and wake me up. It’s easy for people to tell us to stop bailing out, but as mothers we cannot face the alternative. Our natural instinct is to protect. Where and how do we distinguish between supporting and enabling?? I’m so lost. My son lives far away. I want him to come home but he doesn’t want to so I have to make sure he has food and shelter, though I know some would call this enabling, I cannot turn my back on his as his dad has. He has only me left. He smashed his car up a few nights ago… thankfully neither he, nor anyone else was hurt.

I understand your guilt at feeling relieved that your son is back in prison…. awful to think of him being in a cell again but thankful that at least you know where he is every night. It’s such a bitter pill we have to swallow day after day after day after day.

People tell me I have to look after myself, but how can I? I don’t care about myself right now, all I care about is my son getting well. I have no life right now and cannot even laugh or smile any more…. it just makes me feel guilty. I don’t want to feel good knowing my son is in pain. He’s already been in rehab once just a few months ago but it wasn’t for long enough and now he has relapsed even though he promises me he hasn’t, I know he has.

I thought I was too numb to cry any more but yesterday I spent the whole day in tears, as I’m crying now, writing this. The pain is just too much to bear. I know nothing helps but just know that you’re not alone in your pain. We all need support. I don’t know what to do any more. I pray for my son and for all our children. Let them please all get well and be healthy and lead good productive, happy lives.

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