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I really feel for you, this sounds so hard for you and I’m sorry you’re going through this. I wonder how it would be if you were to have a conversation with your partner about his reasons/motivations for ceasing the drug use in the first place (years ago), exploring this (in a supportive and not non-judgemental way) might refuel that same motivation to be drug-free. Maybe also explore what sort of a future you would each like to have together. Things are hard when a loved one has been diagnosed with something and he may be feeling helpless, I wonder if counselling may help (and may be cheaper than cocaine with longer lasting results). I feel you may already know this but I want to remind you about the importance of knowing/maintaining your own boundaries, and to remember to take time for your own self-care; you’re going through the same tough time as him but without the mind-escape option and maybe (just a guess) with the main person you would normally turn to for support possibly being emotionally absent. Make sure you have sources of support for you. Does he want to change his behaviours/coping strategies? I hope you can find a way of striking a balance of being supportive of him, without being an “enabler” and while making sure you look after yourself as well.
I hear you. I’m sorry you’re in this situation – it sounds heart-breaking. I have been with my partner for 10 years. He used to smoke a of weed lot before we met (I did a fair bit too), but we’d both stopped by the time we met each other. About five years into the relationship he started having a little bit every now and then, which was fine. In the last 3 years this developed into an addiction, I hate it but he doesn’t want to talk about it. It leaves me feeling lonely. Like he is living in a bubble and I’m left in the real world. I feel it’s affecting our communication (it sometimes seems like his people skills and ability to experience empathy have gone downhill). I hope you find some good support and advice on this forum (and in real life). Talking to my friends really helps. This is my first day on this forum, so I’ve not really read much so far.
That sounds heartbreaking. I might be on my way to a similar decision. What strikes me is the loneliness of living with someone and feeling like their presence is increasingly empty/estranged – like they’re in a bubble and I can’t get in (well, I could join in but I don’t want to) and they can’t get out. Your feeling of guilt is understandable, but you shouldn’t feel guilty – there comes a point when you need to look after yourself. Your emotional/mental well-being, your life, is just as important as theirs. You have done your best to help this person, but only they can make the changes/choices to seek support for their addiction and/or to give up the substance use. I wonder if, in some cases, leaving someone might actually be the push/wake-up call a person might need in order for them to initiate change.