[naturegrrl]

Admin, please delete. Text has gone wrong.

[naturegrrl]

Don’t know why the text has come out like that. Let me try posting again:

 
<p class=”p1″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s1″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>So I can SEE that there is a white patch of cocaine on the coffee table this morning, and it certainly wasn’t there when I went to bed last night. </span></p>
<p class=”p1″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s1″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>I rubbed my finger through it and licked it and could TASTE that is was cocaine (that acrid unmistakable bitterness that makes the tongue numb.) </span></p>
<p class=”p1″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s1″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>I smell the patch and surely enough it has that very distinct chemical smell. I knew it was coke as soon as I saw it but living with an addict makes you question your sanity, due to all the lies, secrets, betrayal and gaslighting. </span></p>
<p class=”p2″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 22px; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”></p>
<p class=”p1″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s1″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>So even though I had this absolute concrete evidence that he used drugs he still has the arrogance and audacity to tell me I’m wrong. That what I’m seeing is not really there, or that it’s not really cocaine. </span></p>
<p class=”p2″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 22px; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”></p>
<p class=”p1″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s1″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>I suffer from PTSD after a serious sexual assault by a stranger ten years ago, and being told that black is white and up is down really messes with my head. My partner knows that my anxiety is bad at the moment, and that I need his support and loyalty right now. </span></p>
<p class=”p1″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s1″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>Yet he dared to tell me that I was wrong. Like I am crazy, and seeing things. Or that I’m making it up. Or that I’d staged the photo. Or who knows what.
But it’s really really hurt me. He has had so many chances, and claims to be in recovery. How can addicts lie so easily and so brazenly to people they are supposed to love? Do they actually believe their own lies? Does cocaine make them so cocky and full of themselves that they think they are so clever and sneaky and cunning that we could never ever tell?! I can ALWAYS tell.</span></p>
<p class=”p2″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 22px; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”></p>
<p class=”p1″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s1″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>I am heartbroken right now. What are we supposed to do when they lie to our faces? Go along with? Ultimately letting them get away with it, and making them think we are so gullible and thick? And that they are so clever? </span></p>
<span class=”s1″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”> </span>

[naturegrrl]

Thank you. I appreciate that.

[naturegrrl]

Dan, sounds like you’re doing really well. Hope you had a good Christmas

[naturegrrl]

Forgotten Girl,

I am so angry and sad that happened to you. Well done on reporting and going through the court process. What a trauma. I’ve been fighting West Yorkshire Police since my assault in 2013, as they were so awful and let me down. My attacker was never convicted.

I want nothing to do with it since I realised he was using in the house, leaving evidence indiscreetly where my kids could find it, threatening to kill him self every time I’d dare to bring his addiction up. Horrible emotional blackmail. I hate the stuff.

And it does cause suicides, absolutely. Especially when alcohol is involved too.

Please have a safe and restful new year, all of you. Stay strong and be kind to yourselves.

[naturegrrl]

Danman83,

I want to thank you for your honesty and openness, and your bluntness too.

You should feel very proud of yourself.

Is it okay if I get in touch in the new year? I’d like to know more about the programme you’re on.

Wishing you a blessed and beautiful Christmas. Enjoy your day, stay strong and take care ????

[naturegrrl]

Hi there, Forgotten girl.

I’m so sorry to hear you were attacked. I’m a survivor also, so big solidarity to you ????

My partner doesn’t use in front of me. He’s very secretive with it. He’s ashamed of it. It’s every weekend, Friday until Sunday. He doesn’t use it and socialise, chat about feelings, etc. He barely ever sees his friends anymore. He uses it and hides away, ruminates on bad thoughts, goes missing, drinks himself unconscious, cries, self harms. It’s so very destructive and it saddens me greatly.

He is so enamoured with cocaine. He watches TV shows that glamorise it, like Narcos etc.

He just loves it, even though it hurts him so much.

I really hope you can help us with whatever wisdom you have. But please, don’t worry about replying if you’re busy or stressed etc. It can wait. I understand.

Have a wonderful Christmas period, a better new year and stay safe ????

[naturegrrl]

CherryB, Thank you most sincerely for your response. I was so scared i was just crying into a void, so it is very reassuring to hear from someone who knows what I’m going through. And yet I’m so sorry you have to go through it too!

Thank you for your words of encouragement and support. Do try to treat yourself with the same kindness, I implore you! If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you been with your husband? And did you know he had an addiction to begin with?

I didn’t know about my partner’s habit for about a year. But in retrospective it was so obvious.

Thanks to your encouragement I have a phone call tomorrow from a member of the Adfam team, as I referred myself to their services.

Have a safe and restful week. Hang in there!

[Author]

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