[navy]

Hi there

Its an awful feeling of not trusting a loved one. The sense that he has lied the way he lies and actually thinks it’s ok. He can’t see it as lies either.
I can’t give advice on how you handle this as I’m feeling exactly the same.

my husband supposed to be clean for at least a month now but I don’t see the difference, I did for around two weeks then I think it started again.

when he’s on it and trying to hide it he becomes mr big and I am and I will and makes plans to do this go there see them etc etc and also sexually engaging, then the following day the bottom falls out of his ideal world. He tired, irritable, unwell, etc this usually lasts 2-3 days then here comes another surge of energy and I end up in a row as he’s let me down for appointments, engagements, events, etc.
<p style=”text-align: center;”>I want to be strong to leave him. This is the hardest part like you it’s been years together only 20 but to find out they always used hurts I feel he was never and still isn’t happy to be with me that he has to use this stuff to feel happiness.</p>
Please take care of you first and do what you need to do. It’s so hard being the strong one especially if they are good at  manipulative behaviour and turning things into your fault. I know that as I’m there at the moment.

please keep posting here to have someone to talk too, whether you stay or go we will support as there’s no right or wrong way to handle this situation. It’s easier said than done to walk away from the life you built with a man you love who supposed to be happy in the life together but finds that white stuff more enjoyable!!!!

I hope I haven’t babbled on to much

love navy

 

[navy]

Hi Mlft

im so sad reading this, I can’t believe this happening to you with 4 children and one under a year old. How do you cope? I have to tell you that they don’t change. If they have been doing this for years it’s so hard for them to come clean. It’s takes alot of effort and determination on their part to get it out of their system they have to have professional help on a daily basis this drug is nasty stuff. They have to want to do this for themselves.

I’ve been going through this since I met my husband  back in 1998,  in 2020 I started questioning things I was lied to for years. I desperately wanted to believe that he wanted to be sober. I left him a couple of times but I’m now so tired and old that I just want to give up, apparently he has been off it for a month now which I don’t believe I’m so tired of all this. I’m watching him constantly.

if you have a chance to leave him and bring up 4 children without him do it. You will find love again. Your children will be happier as you can stop pretending that everything is ok and you lying to them about where dad is. I say go.

sending you all my love & hugs. Keep strong for your children and you

 

navy xx

[navy]

Hi James

can you help me, my partner says he wants to give up this awful drug, (we have gone thorough this a couple of times) I’ve told him this is the last time my health or heart can’t take anymore. He says he is on a site who are helping but they says not to tell me.

I’m the type of person who needs to know what is going on so I can understand and help not hinder, otherwise my mind will wander to what they saying am I helping by keeping quiet and not responding to his outburst of hurt. they said He needs to do this himself, he has to take a day at a time. Which I totally understand, however when you have made a commitment shouldn’t you at least try not take it.

I want to tell him that I know he used recently but don’t know how without sounding  hurtful or judgmental.  I’m really trying to understand his situation but if he still using to get through a day then I don’t think he will ever give up. It’s going to be a vicious cycle. He will always be going back to the start. (If he is an actually getting help) .sorry.

I’ve been trying for over 2 1/2 years now when is it time to give up trying to save him.? I’m exhausted and I know my health is suffering, I’m hiding things from everyone I love and that’s all I want to do is scream. I’m trying to get on with my life but when you get invited out as a couple and only one turn up I feel as if I don’t have a partner and I have to make excuses for him. I now make excuses for us both so I don’t have to watch the pity in peoples eyes.

My questions are:-

how long  was you an addict for and did you have any issues with anxiety, depression or breathing?
How did you overcome these.

When you first give up how did you feel how did you cope with cravings, feelings, work.

Did you use professionals or go it alone,

how long was it before the cravings started and how did you cope.

Did you explain to your other half how the process was going work and what you had to do.

did you go to meetings in person or online and share this with your partner

I’ve heard that this drug makes you lie to your other half even when that’s all we are doing is trying to help and be supportive and you lie, you avoid you say your having a bad day, need to get out for some fresh air and won’t be long, you need time to process the difficulties of the day and be better tomorrow and leave the house before you get home from work.

What about what day we have had, how much of a bad day we have had and need to talk for support and it’s never there.

Sorry for the outburst, I am angry, confused and upset.

Thank you

navy

[navy]

HI all

sorry I’ve had IT issues and couldn’t log in.
<p style=”text-align: left;”>I desperately want my husband to give this awful drug up. Im now on my third attempt of trying and him saying yes. Only This time I’m not convinced and he can tell, I’m not sleeping, I’m eating poorly and gaining weight! Which is making me very unhappy. I have headaches and nightmares.</p>
<p style=”text-align: left;”>he has sent me the link to recovery and help for myself to understand.</p>
<p style=”text-align: left;”>However he acted very strange today he drunk a lot of alcohol very quickly before going out. he was loud and obnoxious and kept trying to have an argument with me. Im too tired for that.
im lying here trying to figure out what to do.</p>
I don’t think my happy ever after will ever come. ???? I don’t want to feel like this. I want to wake up and forgot the past and move into the future how do I do that?
do I need help? Do I need anti-depressants to get me through this? I feel so low

take care all

love navy xx

[navy]

Hi both

i wish there was happy ever afters. We have to remember that it’s not our fault. I have had to say this to myself every day whist I break my heart.

Stay strong and follow everyone advice on here. Look after yourself first.

im glad I came on here as this proves I’m not alone. That I’m not crazy.

thank you all for being here.

navy

 

[navy]

Hi kulstar

thank you. I’m just so sad at the moment and I know I have to0 pick myself up and get on with my life, as paw has said I need to look after me which I’m going to try and do. I just feel so helpless. He says he wants to be the man I fell in love with, I just want a normal relationship where we can go out together without any drama. Where he is not unwell and needs to leave, where he stays awake and asks how my day has been and puts the kettle on for me and listens to me. Where Im Not to walking  on eggshells and being alone every night. When does that begin, how long does it take someone who knows that the stuff is poisonous and creates a monster to stop and wake up to how he is behaving.  You say he has to have catalyst. I thought this was when I left, he had his ‘so called wake up call’ I must be so naive and stupid to put up with this.

sorry for rambling on.

thank you for all your help and advice.
keep in touch

navy xx

[navy]

Hi paw

thank you and sorry for not getting back, I’ve had issues trying log in.

I’m just so lost, I’m trying to hold it together, it’s been so difficult. I know I have to make time for me, I’ve been trying to get him to come out with me, just for a walk, a coffee but it always ends up in an argument. I’ve now given up. I will from now on put me first and arrange my life and friends and he will have to fit around that.

take care and stay strong paw. I just wish and hope that I will get there one day.

navy xx

[navy]

Hi kulstar

im so happy your still on the right road. You’re doing amazingly well. Hope you and your family are proud of you.

I haven’t posted in a long time, I left my husband and it was awful, pure hell, the first couple of days was abuse direct to me and an attempt of suicide. It then turned into regret and love and honesty, I eventually went back on the understanding that he will get help, he promised and said we would do it together (it never happened) this is where my situation got worse. Work/life got in the way, stressful days, him not leaving the house for days, not having time to do anything (washing, eating, sleeping) I would come home and he didn’t have time to talk to me or eat with me.
Going away was the worst, panic attack, sweats, anxiety was sheer hell. I put up with it thinking this was withdrawal but it never got better, I found out he is still using as I’ve seen the speckles of white powder (and tasted it urgh). I’m so angry and upset I’ve gone back into my shell, he has told me that I’m not supporting him, I don’t love him, I’m not compassionate and I’ve stopped giving unconditional love. he says he has mental issues from the abuse, and that he loves me but theres no love coming back and I don’t realise what I’m doing to him. He just wants me to accept his behaviour and when he spirals to just say it will be ok.

I’ve lost my husband and best friend.

I just wish I knew how to move on, why do I feel so guilty.

Navy. X

[navy]

Yes I agree that’s all they do is eat & sleep it’s like having a child in the house, then when they are on it you can’t shut them up, everything is ninety miles an hour. I can’t keep up, he thinks I’m being ignorant when I switch off from him but it’s just that I can’t take anymore of his jibber jabber that’s not making sense either………

he definitely suffers with anxiety and yes you could be right that he doesn’t want to bring me down but that’s too late I feel exhausted by it all, it’s brining me down.  I just want to shout out loud,  (I want a normal life,) I  don’t need items bought for me to show me he loves me, just do the washing up, take the rubbish out, or make me a cuppa tea when I come in from work little gestures would mean a lot.

im just waiting for this weekend to see what happens. I wish you all the very best and hope the weekend is kind to you all.
Love & hugs to all you kind, caring wonderful women

navy xx

 

[navy]

Hi paw

im just so confused, he says he loves me, but hasn’t spent time with me this weekend, it’s like he can’t face me. He hides away, he says he tired, or unwell. Then in next breath he has had shower and showing me affection which I know is the drug and I can’t face it, it makes me so sad. I only wanted to sit and watch a movie together but he kept sniffing saying sorry and managed an hour then said he got to go to bed he tired it’s only 7pm.

I’ve  got work early tomorrow. Let’s see what this week brings.

take care and thank you for chatting with me.

 

navy xx

[navy]

Hi paw

no he has promised to do meetings but I don’t think he has committed, he did promise me that he was getting help, I asked him how he is getting on and he said he can’t get time work is too busy, he has said he needs to get help last week, he still hasn’t and I know he is still using and hiding it from me. I asked this week if he contacted them and he got defensive with me.
Im giving him this week to prove to me that he will get help. Work has to come second in this as his health and mine are more important.
im scared but have to be strong,

take care paw

thinking of you xx

[navy]

Omg M

how do you cope with all that. You must be so proud of yourself getting over drug addiction yourself but how you coping with a husband and family suffering with it all and losing a member of your family to murder is beyond belief. You are such a strong woman

My husband had a good childhood, he has a great job, nothing bad has ever happened to him so i don’t understand how he become a drug addict.  We had a great life or at least I thought we did.  I know he was taking from a young age as recreational (weekends) as he told me the first time I found out. then It got worse and worse, I had my suspicions  for a year and then I decided enough was enough and called him out. You know the rest , I left came back and left again. Now I’m giving him a last chance.

I’m sat again on my own he’s upstairs tired!!! Not slept well agin, suffering with stomach ache!!! I don’t believe him. Can I ask you did you suffer with your nose? Runny, blocked, bleeding etc. when you give it up did the nose get worse then better later on. I’m just trying to see when an addict gives up how long it takes for the nose to recover?

I really look up to you with all this and your one strong woman

Love Navy xx

[navy]

Hi everyone

omg, I can’t believe what I’m reading, you guys are going through  so much.

I’ve sat here reading and digesting everything that my life has been, how do you put up with him leaving and go missing for days, supporting him for him to use and spend your hard earned money on drugs, when that can be used for your children and your home, especially now with the cost of living, how disrespectful he is.

sorry for the lashing out, I guess I’m feeling angry for you all and upset. I wish my husband would just leave me, I wish he never begged me to come home, I wish I hadnt come back, I wish I wasn’t in this situation. My circumstances for not leaving right now are complicated. I’m just going to keep pressing him to see a professional and ask to see this professional so I can ask some questions. Also I can keep an eye that he is seeing the professional.

@fazey, your son deserves better than a dad that keeps going missing. I wish I had the answer for you. I feel for you and your children. Xx

 

@m my husband says to me he has a mental condition (by polar) but I read that this goes in hand with an addict as it messed their brain up.  Not sure if this can be reversed if they come off it.  I just wish he could be clean for at least 3 months to see how his body and mind would actually  be then perhaps we could go down the route of mental health help. I’m so confused.

 

@bubbles how long has your husband been diagnosed with a mental health issues? Do you think  this is an excuse? I only ask as my mind is confused with it all,

@lorry how are you? You must be in turmoil I do hope your daughter is doing ok and she is strong enough to realise what she did and gets help from the GP. I’m praying for you. Keep strong. Xx

Thinking of you all, xx

 

 

[navy]

Hi fayzey

oh my goodness, I’m so sorry, you must be in limbo not knowing if, when he will be back. How old is your little one? I wouldn’t know where to start to help you as a family, but I’m here to listen and for you to know your not alone. Im hoping you and your children will get a better life without him. It will be hard but will get better. You sound like a strong woman. Look after you and the children will be happy to have a fun loving happy mum,

I’m lucky in one way, I don’t have children. I just wish I knew more about this drug and its addiction, the reason why they take it? Why we are not enough for them? Why they have become reliant on it to feel happy.

take care all you lovely people xx

[navy]

Hi paw

ive just read your story, this must be so hard to go through. 3 years of being sober and him going back to it. You must be heart broken especially after all that commitment and him talking openly to you about it and how you both got through it together.

When I found out he promised he would stop, he didn’t, lied tried to hide it but got caught out, I left the house in tears, he rang me to come back home, I got back and we cried together he said he needs help and I said id support him, he never got help. I would encourage him, I would love him and supported him but he never got help, he lied to me.

I had to leave hardest decision of my life as I thought I’d never see him again. He said some awful things, threatened suicide to get me home but I didn’t go home, he then a couple of days later he started the conversation of how much he loves me I’m his life that he’s sorry. He said I could do meetings with him that we could pick the right help together he would do anything for me to come home.

I thought I had to try again to save my marriage of 15 years. I’m not sure I done the right thing. We are back in the same situation and I don’t know how to start the conversation going again without it being an argument.

I really hope paw that he keeps doing his meetings and gets stronger each day to fight this for himself and then for you and you can have some relationship with him that suits you both.

Sending you hugs xx

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