[navy]

Hi kulstar

im so grateful to you and your insight, I’m just so scared to leave as I think this is going to kill him.  I know I have to make the move as he never going to change, no time is going to be a good time. I just need to do it.

Keep up the good work and providing the help and guidance for us who are struggling with our loved ones.
Thank you and congratulations on your 8 months recovery keep it up.  Your family must love the person you are now the fun loving dad.

love Navy xx

[navy]

Hi kulstar

how are you doing? How many months now have you been sober? Is it eight.
You must be so proud of yourself and so much happier with your life. The love yiu share with your children and your wife,  thank you for sharing I know the lying comes so easy to addicts and I’ve just realised the manipulation making me feel like I’m the problem,then in the next breath how much he loves me.

He is driving me mad, the past two days he’s been moody, tired, eating at night times and blaming everything on work being stressful and he has to do everything I just want to scream at him.

keep up the good work Kulstar

love Navy xx

[navy]

Hi elf73

im so sorry for the way you are being treated, why can’t they see what they are doing to themselves and how much they are hurting us. This is not your fault, you don’t go and buy it and stick it up his nose, this is his problem and he needs to get professional help he needs to stop buying it. I know he admits it to you and he sorry when he gets caught but he needs to stop.  I

Mine however is still hiding it from me and it hurts so badly, he sleeps more and eats during the night,  he has a cough and a upset stomach all the time, which I think are all side effects of using. I think if he stops these symptoms will ease and he will start to feel better.  However he doesn’t think he has a problem and doesn’t think the cause of all his issues are because of drugs.  ( I do) he has been angry with me this weekend it’s been awful, I’ve tried I really have but because I know he is lying to me i cant be loving.
I’m suffering with anxiety. Im also suffering with headaches.

i wish you all the best elf73 please look after yourself

Lots  of love Navy xx

[navy]

Hi qwerty

I’m so sad to hear your story, it’s an awful experience to go through, as you have read my story I wont repeat but I’m still hoping and praying that he will give up, I’ve given him so much support and his answer to me was to give him unconditional love, I can’t do that, I don’t want drugs in the house, he also has got so bad that his nose is collapsing, he has high heart rate, high temperature and is constantly unwell, I feel as though I don’t have a husband anymore. I confronted him one night in April and he confirmed it in anger, I left for the day, he contacted me to say sorry and he would get help, never happened, we rowed about it again a couple weeks later as I found the white powder in kitchen, he said he was struggling but would have to have 3 days to stay alive then go on a detox programme which he never did so he is on a third chance, he is still using but getting clever at hiding it but we went away for a night and when I was tyding up the room found the white powder on the table it broke me. I’m just waiting for the time now that he is well enough for me to tell him that I have to leave as this is now effecting my health, yet agin he is not well. (Continuing health issues always has a cold, flu, anxiety, temperature, racing heart)
There are other factors why I haven’t left yet and it’s killing me, I’m now suffering with anxiety and wake up during the night with the feeling that my heart is beating out of my chest and takes me an hour or 2 to settle back to sleep which In Turn is effecting my work.
If you have the opportunity to leave and stay at your parents then do it, if he can’t give up the drug please don’t make yourself unwell over it, it’s not worth it, there is a life out there for you. Don’t get trapped into the guilt trip.
I wish you well and am here to answer what I can.
Please read Kulstar story, he was an addict and has come through the other side I believe he has now been clean for 8 months he really helped me understand the other side, but they have to be honest and open to you and want to give up the drug for themselves not because you found it.
Look after yourself
Lots of love
Navy xx

[navy]

Hello Lizzie

im so sorry to read your heartache, especially with a beautiful little girl who loves her daddy. This must be so difficult for you.  You also should be so proud of yourself having the courage to walk away and get help for yourself, which in turn has helped him along the way.
no wonder your suffering with anxiety, have you been to the doctor for help or a therapist to talk too as you have been through a traumatic experience. You sound like a strong woman dig deep to find her again and remember your not at fault, you are amazing. You need to put yourself first so you can look after your little girl.

I do hope that rehab is working for him and he realises what he put you both through.
Are you in touch with his family to find out how he is doing.

remeber you and your little girl comes first, look after yourself, stay strong and true to yourself

thinking of you

navy xx

[navy]

Hello jessie05

im so sorry to read this.  You need to look after yourself, especially if he has been violent. I know being close to his family and them turning away from you but it’s their son, you have done everything for him.
Do his family actually know what he has done from you or just what he has said. I can’t believe you came home to drugs all over the kitchen and him passed out that must have been so upsetting. I would have gone crazy. They always say they will change and until he can prove it you do what you want on your terms, perhaps only stay over 1 a week and then gradually do more things together going out shopping or walking.  Make it what you want and see how he behaves if that is what you want. Tell him you won’t put up with him taking drugs. EVER…….

My husband is still on cocaine, I called him out in April.
I’m trying to sum up the courage to leave him as he has mental health issues (which I think is mostly to do with the drug) of course he doesn’t he keeps telling me he is struggling mentally I need to help him, love him and laugh with him, but I can’t when I know he has taken it. My heart sinks and I feel sick. The last argument he said he would stop, this was in sept, and he would tell me if he slipped up!!! Well he took it Thursday night and he hasn’t told me.  I said I wanted to know when he had a craving so we could do something to take his mind of it but agin I’ve heard nothing, I want to ask him but I know he will lie or get defensive and turn this on me. I make him unhappy, work is stressful, everyone wants from him, I know I’m being so stupid in staying, I do want out as I think I’m going to end up with anxiety. I wish love wasn’t this painful

I hope you can get on with your life, the way you want too.

are you family supportive with you and your friends.?

Take care lovely, stay strong to yourself.
love Navy

 

[navy]

Hi bythesea21

so sorry to read your story, it’s horrible, sad and it hurts so bad. I’m still with my husband there is circumstances that I have said on hear and it hurts me so much, I truly love having you guys to talk to.  I’m also going to see a therapist to help me through this to understand myself. Please look after yourself and don’t get dragged into to it too deeply as it makes you feel that your losing it. The lies hurt so much.

Everyone will tell you that it’s down to them to  change not to us to push it.  I honestly don’t think mine will ever give it up and I need help to get through this (my therapist)  to get strong enough to leave.

thinking of you, take care and look after yourself.

love navy xx

[navy]

Hi elf73

Ive been thinking of you and just wanted to reach out to you. I hope your doing ok. I’m still arguing with myself about leaving. Why do we feel like this, I think we are so caring that we don’t want to see our loved ones do this to themselves. Why do they think this is ok? I have so many questions to ask him but he won’t talk to me about it he has only said that he takes it because he is sad and I should leave it be. He has said he can come off it if he is happy!!
I’m exhausted.

I think he has taken it again this week, I’m so sad, I’ve been so good at not being angry with him.
Let’s see what tomorrow brings

I do hope you are ok.

love Navy xx

[navy]

Hi kulstar

Thank you. I know you have a life to please don’t worry about how long it takes to come back. I’m lucky to have you to talk too.

it’s taken me a while to log in.

I think your right, he has a problem but doesnt want to admit it.  We have argued big time and he has said some awful things, I want to talk about his addiction. But he doesn’t.   I think I have the right to ask questions Or am I being pushy and insensitive?

He said he only does this if he is unhappy, he doesn’t get any enjoyment from it anymore.

Iam trying to stay calm but he keeps saying to me that he needs unconditional love. but unconditional love doesn’t mean he can do whatever he wants and expect me to be ok with it does it?

Can I ask does this drug give you high blood pressure and upset stomach?

I think he is hiding behind his mental health issue or am I being insensitive.
Sorry Kulstar you don’t need all this.

Why does love hurt so badly.

thank you for listening to me

Navy xx

[navy]

Hi kulstar

I’m having a bad day.

Can I ask:-

I know you opened up to your family & friends and you felt better afterwards.

I’m struggling because he hasn’t opened up to me. I want to ask him questions I feel I need to know things. He says that I blame everything on this and I should get passed it. But he has lied to me he was still talking it right up till we went away when he said he was coming off it!!!

He thinks I don’t love him and he questioned why I don’t give him unconditional love!!!

I’m lost right now. I know you can’t tell me what to do I have to take emotions out of this but I’m struggling.

I’m going to go for a walk to clear my head then come back with pen & paper.

Thank you for listening

Navy x

[navy]

Hi kulstar

Thank you for your honesty. I need to put myself first stop worrying what I can’t fix and live my life and whatever happens will happen.

Your right HIS actions are his responsibility not mine. He is an adult and I can do no more.

It’s time for tough love now.

That hurts to say but I know deep down it’s true.

Thankyou for helping me through this and making my own decisions.

Keep up the good work your an amazing person

Navy xx

[navy]

Thank you elf73

We need each other and this forum to get through this.

I’m going to put myself first. If he don’t like it then tough.

Wow that was hard to say to myself!!!

Look after yourself

Tahr care

Catch up again soon

Navy xx

[navy]

Don’t worry we have all done this. I think, but I’m not sure it’s because of the swear word, we have to put stars in place of some letters. ???????? the computer doesn’t like us swearing ????

Xx

[navy]

Hi elf73

Thank you for sharing your story too, I just wish so much that we were not in this position. I just can’t understand why they do it in the first place. I Honestly thought this was a young person drug that they took in nightclubs to keep them awake, I didn’t think it had such a hold on a person. It’s really shocking to find out what this drug actually does to a person. How it changes their personality and what it makes them believe

Im lucky that I don’t have children either.

I pray that you are doing what is best for you. I know that I have to do what’s right for me as hard as this is.

Lots of love, take care

Navy xx

[navy]

I was hoping I wasn’t right too Kulstar.

My heart aches and my head hurts. I feel sick and Im so tired.

I just want my husband back. I know I have lost him.

We don’t have children, but I know in my heart that If my mum knew she would be asking me why am I staying? And telling me I’m too forgiving, I’m too kind and I have to think of myself and what this relationship is doing to me.

I know the door to my parents is always open no matter what, I just feel like I have failed in another marriage.

My previous had multiple affairs and I was divorced within a year. (it must be my fault)

I’ve been married now for years but it’s been very hard this passed 3 years, with Covid and his use increasing and my suspicions.

I asked him this year about cocaine as I found it around the house and his attitude was so bad that I just hit out at him, that day was the worst.

Having my doubts confirmed, my heart broke into pieces. It was then that he said he used but only occasionally and always had.

He blames his mental health not the drug, I should have realised then that he was never going to give up but I’ve been there only to be lied too agin and again.

I think this is when my relationship changed as so Did my trust, he said he was quitting but never did and I keep finding that white powder.

Im so sorry for babbling, I don’t have anyone to talk too.

Thank you for your support, you do a great job. Thank you for being here on this site helping us all your truly a star.

Navy xx

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