[navy]

Hi James

Hope your doing well

I’m hoping you can help me please. I thought I would find your post to ask you for guidance

You helped me previously with great advice now I need further help,

I spoke to my husband last week and told him I knew that he was still using, he was devastated that I was prepared to leave if he couldn’t find help, He said he was going to do detox as an out patient and also sent me the site which I read but doesn’t really show what happens on a day to day basis or what to do. This I suspect is once you join it.

I was wondering how you give this up and how you felt for the first week ?

also when you decided to give it up, did you remove all traces of the drug?

I’m asking as I know there is a clear bag that did have the drug in. There is a tiny bits in there!!

I’ve read about triggers too. Is this right?

He was not well for two days he slept and when he was awake he ate.

Day 3 he was fine until I came home from work and said he has anxiety and can’t breathe so needs to be on his own,

Day 4 was my day off I wanted to spend this day with him ( hoping to talk and discuss the detox and tell him how well he is doing) this didn’t happen he asked me to go out and leave him work as he needed the house to himself. I was hurt but didn’t show him as I thought he is struggling and I will help where I can but I had my suspicions.

Day 5 he was good again on the phone talking to me and discussing things but as soon as I was due home he would retreat to his room suffering with anxiety ( I think he is still using) I found tiny bit on the table but more in another room but this is where the clear bag is with tiny bit in so trying to convince myself it’s come from there 🙁

Can you help me please. Am I being Silly.

Did you want to be on your own or did you want to talk to someone share how you felt

Thank you very much and a big congratulations on getting through this and posting on here advice for loved ones.

Take care

Navy

[navy]

Hi there

I did try to look back as read lots of posts.

Thank you for relaying to me.

I confronted him on Thursday as I can’t go on. He walked away from me he hadn’t actually confessed to me but said he will look into what he needs to do.

He told me later he was suicidal and it says he had to get through the next 3 days as it’s a threat of me leaving

. I told him I will support him but he had to do this for himself. He sent me the link of ‘hopeless’ and cocaine detox.

I read all this to equip myself.

I went to work on Friday with his consent as he said he needed to do this.

I came home and he was ok (I found bits of white powder) I knew he had used. I’ve not said nothing. Im hoping this was his last.

Saturday he slept and ate all day and today is the same. His attitude is not nice but I’m coping. I’m hoping by the end of next week I will start to see the difference in him.

Did you talk about it? Did it help him and you? At the moment he won’t talk to me about it.

I’m praying he wants to give this up and be with me.

I think it’s going to be a hard week but I’ve been through so much I think I can do this for another week.

I’m so glad to read that you husband got through this

Lots of love and thank you again xx

[navy]

Oh my love

Sorry to say but he is vile. I hate it when I come home from work and there’s dishes, bits of the floor, no washing done, and he says I’ve been working (from home,) I’ve been stressed, I can’t cope, he’s always unwell with something, headache, backache, sinuses, a cold. I believe these are all symptoms. He says this so he can be on his own, go to his room and use. This is because he is secretive, when I want to clean, I know he will go to the bathroom to remove his stuff and hide it, I’m so stupid (gullible) for letting this happen.

I think we have an addiction too, (them) they control how we feel, what we do and how we react, we need to kick this habit too. We need to clean ourselves up put us first and let nature take its course. Yes it will hurt, yes it will take time but we will be more healthy and happy in the long run. Remember your strong, do what’s right for you.

Good luck in your next shift, look after yourself. xx I’m here if yiu need to talk, rant or just get it off your chest xx

[navy]

Thank you

I’m trying to make the right choices for me. I know I have to look after myself, if he wants to do this nothing I do is going to stop him. I need to be strong.

I’ve known about this for 4 years and I’ve asked and he’s has denied. Until This year where we had the most awful row and I told him that I knew he was taking drugs he threw me out.

What made him confess to you?

How did he quit? Did he do this on his own or with professional help?

Did you help him?

What were his first days like? Is it as hard as they say, the withdrawal makes them sleepy, hungry, angry, moody. How do,you cope with that.

I’m asking as I’m hoping he is going to confess and get help.

I’m so glad your husband confessed and quit the drug and I wish you all the best for the future and thank you so much for posting.

Take care xx

[navy]

Evening hun

Hope the shifts in work go well and keep your mind focused. I’m so sorry he has said this to you, I think he believes he can say this as he knows you won’t leave him. Can I ask do you do all the house work? Do you provide him with clean clothes? Etc. etc.

you need to look after yourself start doing things that you enjoy and try TRY not to think of him at all, your life is important, your health is important you have two boys who love you and need you around. Be strong

Remember the house you live in is a building it’s not a home that it used to be. You can have a home again and set up your life the way it should be. I know it’s hard 23 years is a long time.

Chat soon, take care lovely ???? xx

[navy]

My lovely

You are not stupid and to outsiders you wouldn’t look like that. The friends you do have are probably just waiting for the time where you call it quits and they will be there for you.

Please concentrate on yourself look into going places after work. Something you enjoy.

Can your boys see what he is doing? Do they know?

I’m sure they will support you too.

One day at a time. Give yourself time to adjust it’s a big step. I’m proud of you saying that you are looking into things that you can do .

I’m here anytime.

I will keep checking in.

My thoughts love and hugs are being sent down this line.

Keep your chin up you deserve a happy life

Xxx

[navy]

Oh lovely.

You need to look after yourself, your mental health is important. Do you have any hobbies or interest. You need to get out and live your life too. Forget him, he has chosen this life for himself.

You are a strong person, you definitely deserve happiness. Show him you can live your life without him, shock him by doing something different. Don’t just come from work, go out somewhere the park, a walk, a coffee shop take a book and read for a while.

How old are your boys?

Sending you lots of love and hugs Xx

[navy]

Hi sweetheart

I can’t believe what you are going through. It’s only him that can change he has to want to and by the sounds of it he doesn’t think there is anything wrong. He chooses to lead a single life in front of you.

I know you don’t want to leave the house you made together but it’s only bricks. The love of your home you can re-build your health and sanity are the important things.

Are you married to him?

Thinking of you, please look after yourself xx

[navy]

Oh my lovely

I feel for you. It’s not fair is it. All the love and attention we have given to our homes and it’s us that have to leave if we want things to change.

Does he openly do the drugs in front of you?

I’m lucky in that I can leave and set up again I have great parents and family who can and I know will support me. I just need the Will power to do it.

I’ve made myself so Ill. I’m working and am exhausted with not sleeping and crying all the time.

I do wish he would admit to me that he still takes drugs and I would help him.

I’m not sure if I am going to go home tonight I’m thinking of messaging him to let him know that I know he still doing it and I can’t cope with the deceit. The trust has gone.

I wish you well and am thinking of you. If there’s a way of leaving and setting up again I would do it. You deserve so much better.

Take care xx

[navy]

Hi lovely

How are you? Did he come home from the night with the family? I hope everything was ok.

I can’t stand the lying

I got home yesterday after a long day and he had been sleeping all day. I was knackered I would have loved him to look after me. Nope I cooked dinner he ate it, I cleaned up he slept.

I sat in living room wanting to tell him about my day I’m talking to him and he can’t look at me. He’s agitated, moving can’t keep still. He then says about an event which I’m going to and he has the date wrong I correct him and he goes off on one. He said If I never plan anything then we don’t go anywhere!!!!! How wrong he is. I have tried but he is always unwell and can’t go (won’t go more Likely) I tried to talk to him and explain that he said not to make plans as he feels pressured so I don’t now I’m wrong again!!!

Can’t do this anymore ivd made myself so Ill and I don’t like lying to my friends and family either.

I need to be strong today. I need to tell him I can’t go on like this. That I know his symptoms are all drug related and the stuff has been seen and tested. He never give it it up.

Take care and thank you for listening to me go and on. xx

[navy]

Thank you lovely

I’ve asked him to get help for grieving as he says he is glum all the time!!!

I couldn’t face a row tonight. Even tho I’ve broken my heart yet again. He says not to go there!!!

He says he is suffering with agoraphobia ( he scared to leave the house on his own) does cocaine do this to you? I thought this give you a high? Made you feel better or is this part of the come down? I’m still trying to understand how this drug works. As he is never happy! I know when he has taken it as he is more talkative and walks around constantly, he also has a stupid grin that he pulls.

Then when I get home he says he not hungry and needs to sleep after all the stress of the day!! Then following day eats all day and sleeps.

Why can’t they see what they are doing to us and ask for help and not lie. I think if he told me the truth I will help him but I can’t do the lies. I think this is what is killing me that I know and he hadn’t open up to me.

I have to get the courage to tell him I know and he has to get help or I’m leaving. Every time I write that my heart pangs. It feels good to share

Take care lovely and I hope you have a good week with your boys xx

[navy]

I’m having a nightmare

I managed to get to leave the house for a couple of hours but it turned out that He said I don’t love him because he is unwell all the time!!!

But I know the reason is because of cocaine not because he is actually unwell. He has sinus infection and hayfever. He feels down!!! He’s hungry he has eaten a Dinner and I’ve just made him sandwiches I’m breaking my heart. I have to tell him I know he still taking it!!!

I’m so scared of what he might do!!

OMG I feel sick can somebody give me a way out.

Why has my life turned out like this what have I done?

I need to take deep breaths and confront this demon

I’m so tired of fighting

Thank you for listening and sorry for rambling and still not doing what needs to be done xx

[navy]

Hi georgia26

I feel so sad for you. I know walking away your feeling sick, anxious, terrified of what comes next in life. You sound strong and determined especially with a little one. I hope you have a family, or a friend that can put you up.

I wish my husband would admit it. I called him out a couple of months ago.he has told me there’s no drugs in the house anymore.

Yep there is and he’s been using. Don’t think he intended to give it up. He sleeps all day and awake all night then when he has to work he takes it thought out the day. I think to keep him alert and awake.

He’s always unwell, headache, stomach, sinuses, hayfever, always an excuse. I can’t remember the last time we spent a day together.

I need to be strong and tell him I know he still at it and give him the choice of going for help or I’m out the door. It’s so scary tho.

I feel for you. I wish you all the strength, love and sending big hugs to you ????

You’ve got this whatever you do.

Always here to support.

Take care xx

[navy]

Hi lovely

I’m not very well. I’ve cried all day on & off. I’ve thought how I’m going to talk to him but again I’ve got home and he’s not well and back in his room. I know he struggling with his dad death but everyone goes through this I know it just an excuse

I’m struggling I just wish he wouldn’t lie to me and tell me he still takes it. Why can’t I just call him out what’s wrong with me!!!!! I want to scream at him. I feel helpless. I know I’m going to crack at some point. Thank you for being there for me.

Will keep you updated how I’m getting on.

Thank you. Stay strong and just keep yourself and boys safe

Lots of love & hugs xxx

[navy]

Hi lovely

It’s early hours and I can’t sleep, I feel so sick right now. Thank you for posting, I just feel so upset that this is going to effect so many people when I tell him that I’m leaving, he needs professional help if he wants to come off this drug, it’s not as easy as he made out to me. I knew that really when I read all these posts of what others are going through and website that I read trying to understand. I’ve been naive and stupid.

I’m going to get help for myself today to help me tell him how I feel and that I’m not coming home until he gets help and he has to prove this to me if he wants me back as I don’t trust him anymore as he has lied to me. I can’t just forget this.

Hope you are doing ok? Has he left or are you still living separate lives, I feel for you and your children, stay strong xxx

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