[Nicole jones]

Thank you thistim3 its sooo hard but definitely need to focus on me and my children more, I need a distraction apart from work lol I wish we didn’t have feelings then it would be so much easier ???? I really hope you find your happy ever after as I think after everything it’s the least we all deserve ????

[Nicole jones]

Wow 35 years, my hubby’s only on 18 months so very early days but yes I still feel I should run for the hills with all this affair and child, it’s a different kind of pain and hell, in addition I knew it wasn’t him and because he wanted the help I stuck with him and pushed for help, it was hell for all them years but we got there, but now I just don’t know how I feel and what to do. I just expected to get himbin recovery and work towards being us again but that’s never going to happen as this child has been thrown in the mix, our own children are 19, 16, and 10, my two older girls won’t talk to him and my 10 year old lad gets very jealous when he knows he’s going to see him it’s just awful, we’ve all been through his addiction and seen things no child should see and now they feel this 5 year old has got the best of him.

We do try and talk to him but he just says he can’t change his past, which we know but how do you explain that to children especially my youngest.

I’m now living a whole new nightmare, would you walk away as enough is enough? I’m sobbing all the time and I can’t function it’s just awful

????????????????

[Nicole jones]

Yes I got called a slag a few times lol couldn’t be one if I tryed lol it was definitely not him as in all the 30 years of being together he never called me anything like that. Definitely the drugs and the paranoia.

He’s been clean for 18 months now and when he first came home it was very strange as the last time he was home it was so bad. He looked guilty all the time and kept saying to me I’ve put you through so much  he was really distant though and kept saying I deserve better, but after a while things were starting to return to normal  doing all the things we did before his addiction, there was no intimacy as he’d lost all his confidence and he still struggles with this but unfortunately my happy ending got destroyed with his big secret he was holding back, his affair 5 years ago while in addiction and the result of a five year old child! The struggle is 100% back for me now as this is another level of pain! He sees this child once a week which kills me coz he obviously has to see the mother, he’s reassured me there’s nothing there with the mother but my trust has gone! He said this is why he accused me of cheating coz he thought I’d found out and I was getting him back totally childish but that’s what was going on in his head at the time.

I really don’t know what the future holds for us as its all just too much, he’s trying to stay clean every day aswell as keeping me and his 3 children happy and then this other child plus work and doing meetings, it just all seems too much and I am concerned about relapse.

I just wish I’d run a million miles away years ago and I wouldn’t be where I am today but that’s life!

How long have you been with your partner for?

Xxx

[Nicole jones]

Hi  I’ve replied to you on my forum but don’t know why it’s so skinny lol but yes the paranoia is awful, my husband picked holes out if all our walls thinking I had cameras on him  he said I was filming him and making money from you tube, he went through my jewellery and bits of earrings he was saying was a camera, he also accused me of cheating on him with his cousin who’s also an alcoholic and I just couldn’t reason with him, he’d follow me to work and just make out he was going that way, he’s in recovery now and we speak about all what him did as the list is endless and at that time it was very real to him  faces in the carpet and he’d stab it with knifes I had holes in my brand new sofa that he put knifes through, when my dad passed he left me and my sisters so pocket money as my dad called it, it was 2000 pounds and my husband Stole it and said it was money made from me filming him even though he saw my mum give it to me but he thought everyone was in on it! I did get the money back but it wasn’t the same as it wasn’t my dads money what he’d saved for me while dying with cancer, but the paranoia and psychosis was that bad social services got involved and we wasn’t allowed to stay at home with the children it’s was just awful.

Like I’ve said he’s in recovery and has a really good mind set at the moment but his bomb shell he dropped on us 6 weeks ago about his affair 5 years ago and this 5 year old child that he sees everyweek is now just another heartache and battle coz he’s trying to do the right thing but I just feel that’s not by us, his wife of 30 years and his 3 children, I’m truly heartbroken ???? I don’t feel he’s trying with us as he says he’s trying to find himself again but how is that fair on us, the ones who have been through absolutely everything, I’ve tryed to get help for my own mental health but waiting list is 12 months!! I need help now ????

Sorry to rant on but why is this still soooooo flipping hard ????

[Nicole jones]

hi thanks for your reply, yes the paranoia and psychosis was aimed all at me, that’s when enough was enough! He picked holes out of my walls in the house thinking I had cameras on him, he woke me up in thd middle of the night looking at his phone and showing me this random woman on the phone he’d found on you tube saying it was me! He would bang machetes at the side of me to scare me at that point we all had to get out! He’d ring me up calling me a slag saying I’d cheated on him with his cousin and I’m going to get what’s coming to me to which now was his own guilty conscience as I’ve recently found out, I’d get phone calls from neighbours when I was in work to say he was lay in the road and was telling them his has lazors on him it was honestly horrendous, I could go on and on xx

[Nicole jones]

You can vent anytime, it’s nice to know your not alone.

They say time is a healer but when your constantly getting let down time and time again I think that’s when you have to make that horrible choice to walk away, we’re only human and can only take so much, we also deserve happiness, we’re going to struggle either way if we stay or go but by going you can only get better.

I’m like you, I really don’t want it to come to that but the pain I’m living now, I don’t want to ever feel again, going through the addiction with him and his paranoia and psychosis was horrendous but this now with the affair 5 years ago is on another level of pain, I keep thinking it can’t get any worse but scared to say that incase there is something else, I just want to fast forward a bit.

Keep in touch as it’s definitely helping me to vent

Xxx

[Nicole jones]

<p style=”text-align: center;”>Hi gaddict, thank you for your positive story, its reassuring that if is possible.</p>
My problem isn’t him relapsing as I think he’s got a really good mindset and is putting all the support in place it’s the damage he’s caused to me and our children my cheating on us and having another child! He’s just confessed to this after 5 years! I’ve always supported him in absolutely everything  I’ve never failed him or let him down in 30 years but this has hit me hard! I’m constantly asking myself how can someone who’s supposed to love you and has done nothing but right by you, hurt you so badly, yet he tells me it’s a mistake but now it’s a Constant reminder when he sees this child and the mother as the child is only 5! We have 3 children who he also told but he says in recovery he’s got to leave his past in the past! I’ve honestly never been so hurt in all my life and he put us all through hell during his addiction and even accused me of cheating on him! I now know that was his own guilty conscience but still hurts really bad, I do honestly what to get past this but feel right now I never will ????

[Nicole jones]

Yes it’s definitely a living nightmare! and everyone says I’m strong but I feel weak putting up with it and not being able to walk away ???? I’ve been to the doctors today finally but there us a 12 month waiting list for counselling and my hubby has agreed to marriage counselling but again waiting list is so long unless you go private, I think I’m just going to take a big step back and try do deal with my own emotions, he’s in recovery which is also important so we just need to find a balance, he’s at a convention this weekend so that’s sending me under a little as the trust has gone but he’s reassured me that’s what he’s doing so I can’t only try and trust he’s telling me the truth, this is just awful I just want it to all go away, i think it’s good that your having your space away from each other it might make him realise what he’s actually got, but must be really hard for you, I truly Hope all works out for you. Take care xx

[Nicole jones]

<p style=”text-align: left;”>Hi, thank you for your reply, yes he goes to meetings at least 3 times a week and he did have a sponsor but unfortunately he couldn’t commit so he’s currently looking for another one, in rehab he got to step 5 but will need to start again with a new sponsor, he’s got daily books he reads religiously, although he’s has changed now he’s not how I thought he’d be, he tells me it’s a selfish programme but thinks he takes this to another level, he’s been In addiction for so long I just feel our whole marriage is based on a lie especially with the cheating and a child, I’m really struggling to understand as he tells me there was no feelings towards this woman and there never will be it’s just the child but it’s like he’s told me now and just expects me to get on with it and if i try to talk to him about my feelings he gets snappy which then ends up in a row, it’s so hard and I’m sorry your also going through this xx</p>

[Nicole jones]

Hi, I also echo everyone else’s comment, I’m 30 years into my marriage and I can honestly say the past 20 years has been the hardest of my life, my husband’s addiction got worse as my dad was dying of cancer, I’m suprized I didn’t turn to anything! But I’ve never touched a drug in my life I don’t even drink so how me and my hubby have survived 30 years is beyond me. The truth is you can’t help him, he’s got to want to do this himself and if he sees no problem then he’s in denial, I pushed and pushed for rehab but the doctors only put my husband on early intervention, it was crazy how can almost 20 years be early intervention! But with constant calls I got him into pathfinders who then found a rehab, I did all the phonecall stuff as my hubby is a typical bloke but he actually wanted the help which made things slightly easier.

[Nicole jones]

Thank you for your reply, also this isn’t my real name. Did his affair result in a child? And dose he still see the child? I try to talk to my husband but he shuts me down, it’s like he’s told me now so just get on with it, he’s never been one for deep conversation but I still have questions, he’s always going on that he has to do the right thing but so far it just seems to be by this child and not his wife and three children he put through hell during his addiction, when he first told me a few weeks ago he expected me to end the marriage but I have fought so hard through the addiction to keep us together as a family and I’m scared of him giving someone else the best of him, the one I knew all those years ago before addiction, this is what I have fought for all this time and now this. Did you get referral for therapy sessions through your doctor? And is this just for you or as a couple?

Thank you

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