[nikkic]

Thank you for replying. It’s such a wave of emotions. It’s like my head is an emotional washing machine with fear, anxiety, hate, sadness, going round and round. I’m trying to message back when he does, but that causes me hate and comfort all mixed together. Doesn’t help that I didn’t hear from him all weekend then my eldest had a complete meltdown last night. It’s exhausting. I know I need to actually cut him off. Like what else does he actually have to do to me before I do that ? I’m mad at myself for still holding onto hope. Helps venting on here though. And am always grateful for replies.

[nikkic]

Good luck to you. You’re not alone. One day at a time, if that’s too hard than one hour. You will be ok. Surround yourself with loved ones. Good movies and chocolate . I ate 2 giant bars yesterday . Chin up. You deserve a peaceful honest life. Go get it x

[nikkic]

I’m so glad YOU replied. Because getting advice from a person ina similar situation to him is helpful and meaningful. I’ve told him, begged him to get more help than he’s getting. He is though starting zoom meetings again this week. But when i mention a sponsor he says he doesn’t need one he just has to stay focused as he knows he doesnt want that life. But that hasn’t worked for 5 years. He started taking drugs at age 14. He’s now 40. I didn’t know any of this until I was emotionally invested in him and our future. What a naive idiot hey . I still see the biggest problem as his friends as they all take . But he calls them brothers and his family and if he needs to work on him being strong not removing them from his life. Also hasn’t worked so far for him. I know I’ve done the right thing for me and my children but it’s not right for him as , as I put in a previous post , I feel like I’ve thrown him to the lions. His parents won’t take him back. They are elderly, and one has heart problems and other dementia. They can’t handle the stress and worry but I do agree he would be best at theirs. Until he cuts all ties with old friends and gets own place I will be a distanced supportive friend. However hard that is. Thank you for replying. And well done for keeping going, you deserve a peaceful happy life as you are worth it X

[nikkic]

Thank you for replying. Yes you are right. I shouldn’t wait for him to make the decisions he needs too. It’s so much calmer/ peaceful at home without him. That says a lot. I wish I had the money to put him in rehab , but I don’t. It’s such a waste of a good person. Cocaine is life destroying. Not just for the user either. I know in time I will stop thinking of him so much but at the moment he’s in my thoughts constantly. X

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