[nora]

Hi, I have 2 children with a man who has got progressively more dependent as our kids have grown. My advice would be to understand how a functioning alcoholic can make for a pretty disfunctional dad. Their first priority is drink and it will become more so as time goes by. My partner is not a bad parent but can he be relied upon. No. In my experience you will pretty much become more of a single mum as time ticks on. Kids take a lot of time and effort to raise and add to this the worsening side affects of alcohol on a partner and it becomes exhausting. Feeding, bedtimes, school runs and organising kids activities with a partner who may offer little support and who may not enjoy taking time out to help instead of drinking. Plus depression anxiety and mood swings that all alcholics carry with them and you will probably be held responsible for any additional family stress a child adds to his world. At first it may be great but in time it will worsen as drink gets more of a grip on him. My advice is functioning drinkers are good at hiding their dysfinction at first but the affect on others takes its toll long term. Absolutely your decision but go in with your eyes open. Will he give up drink to start a family? If not then safety of you and your child is your priority. If you go ahead be vigilant. Do not excuse any bad behaviour and curb his consumption around the child. Do not let him shirk the responsibility and if he comes up short as time goes by have an exit plan. I left my husband 3 years too late and although both me and my kids love him we have all suffered and been short changed due to his high functioning alcholism. For me personally taking on additional load along with the other effects of his illness pushed me to the edge. It was our normal but not something I would advise to anyone wanting a calm and stress free family life.

Good Luck x

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