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Well I was pleased he resisted with so many temptations in just one day. But It’s like I read on the other posts I am constantly having to keep an eye on him and checking up on him throughout the day, it’s taking all of my energy, I’m not sure if that’s something that can be continued every day.but for now just trying to see if I can support him to make the right decisions.
I hope your husband will come back tonight, it’s just small steps at the moment I guess if he returns then he has made progress not staying the weekend out. See how it goes now
I think that’s going to be the next step for my husband, but to be honest this is the first time he’s really tried to seriously stop, other times he’s just talked about it and then gone back to the same behaviour.
How are you today?any more news?
Also sounds a bit positive he’s talking about going back to work, I think you really need that chat. Did he come home, does that mean you think he didn’t do it today? And he didn’t stay to the hotel?
Well I think that sounds like a good step that he is planning to talk to you. He made another stupid mistake but you still going to need that chat on Sunday either way .my husband keeps going up and down from being very serious about stopping to having it waved in his face that he can’t turn it down. This afternoon he was determined but I see my neighbour have been doing it and also his work colleagues, it’s all around us, he has stayed strong but it has taken some willpower, it’s a big joke to these other people who can take it or leave it but I think that sounds like how it starts out with everyone. Other people are at the stage where their whole lives destroyed by it. I really hope and pray that my husband can say strong, I’m aware he’s likely to slip up again but as you said other day I’m trying to stay positive.
It sounds like he is on a really bad come down. Also the recovering addicts on here mention about how they would often start arguments so they could get away and do it again, so also bear in mind he could be being horrible so you argue then he feels he has an excuse to go do it again. (when I look back i can recognise times my husband has done this and now I try not to participate in the argument where possible). Also even though it hurts I do notice it passes and when he has gone enough days without coke he goes back to himself.
That’s great that you are thinking to make yourself happy, did you have any ideas? Plans you could make for you and your little one.
Well my husband had been feeling a bit down from having a few days off it and yesterday he actually told me honestly that he had been tempted to go and get some. I felt that was a bit of progress as honesty seems to be very hard for addicts and it feels like a bit of honesty can break the cycle of the lies and sneaking.
That’s good that he’s asked for the referral. What kind of wait time is there for that? I did have a look on google at the 12 step thing and wondered if it is something that someone can start while they are waiting on a list for professional help.
I’m not sure about my husband as of course it’s like they have two sides so it’s different every day, it’s very tiring.
How are you? Have you been ok since he got back? Did he stay home now?
That sounds good that he is willing look into the 12 step plan. A lot of people talk about that on the posts on here.
Yes at the moment my husband is trying to do it alone and he’s had a few good days but I’m sure he needs some more support from a professional.
I see he has returned, I wonder why he suddenly returned? Hope you get chance to speak to him at some point.
Do you manage ok if he’s having to keep paying for these hotels.
Well I think I’m constantly on guard Im not sure what’s back to normal when he does it so often. But he seemed not crazy eyes tonight when I got in.
By the way I don’t think it’s worth arguing over when he’s worked so hard ( I wish my husband could do 9 months clean) .but I’m saying I can totally see why it hurts.
If it was an affair you wouldn’t find it funny someone joking about the person they cheated with and I find the cocaine is like an affair, breaks your heart, destroys the trust, makes you doubt everything, so no I don’t find it funny either.
O no he was doing it occasionally years ago but it was something he didn’t do all the time and he seemed to have stopped (unless I just thought he did, maybe got better at hiding it and more lies), but I think a few years ago he had started doing it every night out with his friends, that’s when he was staying out all night.
But then It was about 18 months ago when it got so bad, he was staying up all night and had actually gone and got prescribed anti depressants because he was so down, I was really worried thinking he’s depressed because a close relative had passed away but I didn’t realise this was all come downs, so he was going between the cocaine and the anti depressants and wondering why he didn’t feel good. He was messing work around at this time and ended up on his final warning from being late and calling in sick because of all the upset stomachs, and days feeling down. He was lucky he has a good employer who even though they gave him all the disciplinaries they didn’t fire him. I think that what stopped him staying up all night then coz he was at risk to lose his job.
He come off the anti depressants for a bit but then eventually it came clear he seem to be then taking the cocaine most days.
Yes I’m the same feel I can’t win if he goes out I’m worried I know what he will be doing but he if he stays at home and has done that then I can’t enjoy the time with him at all. Make me feel so distant to him. then I think why is he even with me if he’s taking something that distances him from me.
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Well I think he has been doing it most days-maybe every day, with all the lies who would know.
about 18 months ago he had been staying up much later than us and even sometimes when he had came to bed at the same time as me I would wake up in middle of the night 3/4am and he wasn’t there, it seemed like he was having an affair but I found out it was cocaine dealer he was meeting.
When I think he was doing it weekly he used to do that stay out all night I guess because they don’t really have any feeling at the time they’re doing it and they want to stay in the place they can take more of it until they run out of money, then they start feeling down so they come home.
He is at home now but I can’t enjoy his company it’s like sitting with a zombie or a robot, I sometimes think I must be boring company for him to get into that state to want to sit with me.
I’m glad that you are having this great realisation and I’m sad for you that it’s so late in the situation.
I’m sure your girlfriend does love you but with a small baby she is probably struggling to cope as it is and maybe at the moment she feels like she can’t look after you aswell. Maybe you need to give her some time to prove you can keep this up and she probably feels like she’s the one that needs support at the moment.
when you have a new baby you start thinking about the future, how it’s life is going to be and how your life will be together and how your relationship will affect the child, as a mother all this stuff so far in the future goes through your mind.
Even though she could maybe cope with it for just you two the situation changed when you bring a baby into it. She just wants the best for your baby and is probably worried that you won’t keep this up and scared what it will mean for the baby.
Well done for getting where you are. I understand your upset but I think you are going to have to give it some time. After all the years anyway surely you can give her a bit of time to get her head around all this.
For me its not a case of trying to catch them out but all of your lies make us doubt ourselves so much and make us feel like we are going mad.
(Speaking of mom of two kids with addict dad who has put us in financial difficulties more than once due to cocaine debts.)