Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
I typed a big reply to you earlier then it didn’t send. Anyway the basis was can’t really avoid dealers one visits family members on our street so even if he deletes number it’s too accessible. We aren’t in a position to move house or at least not immediately. So it’s going to take a lot of determination for him to stay clean.
I’ve been looking at some of your other posts and found some helpful stuff like the fact this will never go away. I don’t think I have realised in the past that this was a permanent thing as he has had long periods of not doing it and then he’s thought he’s ok and ended up back like this.
I know it has to be his decision but if he’s doing well I think I need to be more encouraging and also check in on him a little more throughout the day, which I have found really uncomfortable before as I don’t know anyone else with a partner like this but it’s really useful to read through all the other stories and learn thats just the right thing to do in this situation.
He’s saying he really does want to stop but everyone he knows does it. He would need to start a completely new life. Is that even possible? Is that how you have done it? I do believe that he genuinely thought he could hang with his friends and not do it just because he has done so well for a few days. Or am I being a fool and really he knew he would end up doing it and thought it was ok as he’s had a few good days.Thank you for all your replies and well done for all the hard work you must have put in to get this far.
I didn’t shout or anything last night but I did get upset and he was so sorry but I think it was just him trying to figure out what I wanted to hear.
I’m stuck between being angry, disappointed and upset. I was watching the addiction show trying to get some understanding but I’m not sure I believe he actually wants to change .
My husband was doing really well for a few days and then last night he saw a few of his friends. He ended up doing it but he actually admitted it. He said he felt disappointed in himself and wishes he hadn’t done it, He said he wished he hadn’t gone out at all and had immediately regretted it. I told him that I thought he was just telling me what I wanted to hear. I had to bear in mind he didn’t come rushing home immediately after his mistake he stayed out for a few hours. He didn’t come home at an unreasonable time but I think that’s only because he had work early today. He stopped the staying out all night for a while now anyway so I know he had actually tried to improve but I feel like he is trying to find some kind of medium where I’m not angry but he can get away with doing it still. He doesn’t actually know any other way to socialise. I think the only time he leaves the house is when he has made some kind of arrangement to get hold of cocaine.
Well it’s been going on for some time but in the beginning it appeared to be an occasional thing he was doing on some nights out so I hadn’t realised, I had been very naive. It’s really hard to find a balance between helping and then as you said feeling like your trying to control them or feeling like your going crazy yourself. I knew he had got bad as he’s owed quite a bit of money to someone. Then I found out about the driving around for them, I felt sick I couldn’t believe it, but I’m even more shocked when yours and other posts came up saying yours has been driving them round aswell as I really thought i was the only one. I have even got back from work and found this man in my back garden with him having chat and smoking cigarettes like mates, this is where the lines seemed so blurred to me and obviously to him as he actually considered him a friend by then. He has loads of friends but of course this man is always available for a chat and a little ‘pick me up’, so sad. I can’t be there all the time and even if I was he would sneak off to do it instead. It’s not even an occasional thing now I think he’s been taking it most days. He said he’s sorry and doesn’t want to do it anymore but I think he’s just saying what he knows I want to hear as every time he leaves the house or I do, I know that what he’s going to do.
Yes Iv seen it called a disease. But it causes us family members so much pain over such a long period of time, and whereas patients for most diseases would take whatever they are offered this is one disease where the patient doesn’t seem that willing to take the treatment- that’s if they can even get offered any treatment. I wish they would do some more research into all of this considering it affects so many. All they seem to do is focus on punishing people who take or sell this stuff without them doing anything to try and repair the root cause.
I would just like to add in case you get more chatting on the other conversation- that if you blame yourself at all I wouldn’t as I have no addiction issues whereas my sibling does, we have the same parents and we’re brought up in the same house so don’t blame yourself.
At the top where it says the website Adfams.org , at the end of that website writing it’s got 3931 for this conversation. If you delete that end part and put 3939 it will come up with Betty conversation
Sal98 Only you can decide what you want your life to be like but if I was you I would read through the many posts where people have had to eventually leave their partner taking their children and take this all in to consideration. I personally wouldn’t have knowingly brought children into this situation as it certainly does affect them in various ways. Also having children does tend to make MOST people more dependent on their partner.
The link above is to bettys post, thread 3939. Might be more relevant to you but I commented for support as noone else had.
I wonder if you saw betty1971 post, i saw yesterday was also about their sons battle and might be of interest to you.
Also reading on here people’s posts helps so much, as you can tend to make excuses so easily but when you read someone’s else’s similar story you can see how unbelievable some of the lies are and it makes you be more realistic in your thoughts I find.
If he wont speak to you, have you tried writing down your feelings? That was advised to me at a counselling session before. But they advised to not blame only to talk of how things make you feel (as you will see a running theme of avoidance and defensiveness from the addict.) I have actually had success before with writing rather than talking to him In the past, as it means your not arguing and shouting and can get your whole point across.