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Thank you I appreciate your honest, and even having someone to explain it to that doesn’t know him personally as it can be hard for someone who knows them to have an opinion or give any advice. Also the people I could talk to haven’t experienced any of this so it’s hard for them to help.
Well done
The problem is when I first found out I thought it was very occasional so although I disapproved I didn’t actually make a big thing of it which was obviously a massive error on my part, but at the time I was obviously very naive to it, I didn’t really know anything about it and also didn’t realise he had such an addictive personality. I now know so much more. So all of this means I kept what I thought was a small problem to myself for so long, I only found out what a big problem it was when it turned out he owed someone lots of money, this has actually happened a few times since. I have spoken to a couple of people about it. It turned out his family already knew but they thought the problem had died down when he met me.they obviously don’t know very much about addictions either and assumed it would just go away.
Yes he’s somewhere between in denial and wanting to stop. The problem is that absolutely everyone he socialises with is into this- I know this situation has been designed by himself but blaming him for this still doesn’t help to get away from the problem. Is it realistic to think that a grown man can manage without socialising. Even the few family member he bothers with and any work colleagues he likes all use cocaine. I cannot believe myself the amount of people that use it, I thought he was lying at first when he said the people who do, but now Iv learnt more it’s obvious to see that they do.
I’m just worried that hearing worse examples will make it less serious for him. He once had to go to a meeting and the other people there and even the person who was supposed to be running the class apparently told him he didn’t have much of a problem, and he has got much worse since then.
Hi, you said your partner has managed to stop . How has he managed with the social side of things? My husband only seems to socialise with friends, colleagues even family who take cocaine or other substances. Of course I hadn’t realised this and now i have found out what’s been going on I have suddenly had to realise that he’s just surrounded by other users and I feel so outnumbered and helpless. With so many people giving him bad advice what change do I have of getting through. he’s had times where he really has wanted to stop and has been doing well but then got a bit lonely and met up with a friend and it all goes back round in a circle. How have you two got round this?
Wow Iv just seen the number of online meetings on cauk. Do they have to have their camera on to join a zoom? Or can he just join to talk or listen ? I bet he will say he won’t do it now anyway- I haven’t actually asked him I just had a look on the website myself so far.
Just because you love him doesn’t mean you have to put yourself in danger. you have been caring and offered the help and now getting hurt yourself. I think you did the right thing asking him to leave. You didn’t just give up on him you offered the help of rehab, hes just not at a place to accept any help from you.
I hope you will get some good news soon.
He’s not a teenager, at 20 years old he’s old enough to stand on his own feet and no you do not have to allow people to take drugs in your home. I think you have been very strong getting him the help with the rehab, it’s sad he didn’t appreciate your support.
Your right it does seem mostly about splitting up on most of the posts but it’s a decision only you can make. Of course all the sneaking and lying wears you down in a relationship. Every one is different but what I’ve noticed is that people lose their individuality taking cocaine they seem to fit a pattern of behaviour. It’s unbelievable when I read your post and it could be my own life I’m reading.
When I first found out he did it on nights out i disapproved but i didn’t make a big thing of it as I naively believed it was something that he only did occasionally and that he would eventually stop. In the last year or so I have found he’s been doing it throughout the week at some points even every day!! . We had been at breaking point over it and then he managed to stop. I had been worried he would lose his job. I rely on him financially in our current situation and have had times over the last few years where he has messed up our finances.
This has been going on for quite a while with us but in the beginning I thought it was some kind of party habit and he convinced me it had stopped. it took me a long time to figure out the extent of things and to find out it was a regular day to day thing not on his nights out. Literally every person he knows is on it. Even family members, he has a rather dysfunctional family so I thought it was nice that he was close to a few family members til I found out they also use cocaine. I think I was quite naive to it all. I actually have had family members in similar situations in the past but as people usually keep this stuff secret I didn’t know any details. It’s only from having to sort of catch my husband out- (which is tragic to have to go to that when Its supposed to be the person you love and trust) that I have learnt so much. I have now found out so much and it’s heart breaking.
Your right it is a lonely life even though they surround themselves with other users to give the illusion that they have loads of friends. When he doesn’t have money almost none of these people are around. And it’s really clear to see but he just pretends he can’t see that. Or sometimes even agrees with me but obviously that is short lived and he’s back surrounded by them once he’s got any money
I have never actually heard of cauk before because it’s only ever been me looking for help/advice which is where I ended up at this group
Yes he’s the same has so many mates when he has money, but when he’s messed up they are nowhere to be seen. Yet everytime he will go back to them when he’s back on his feet. I think he honestly forgets -probably because he was too out of it to remember I suppose.
I only joined a couple days ago and I’m amazed how many people are living similar lives. When I first found out about the cocaine and realised how many things were lies I felt so shocked, disappointed and embarrassed. There have been so many empty promises. I honestly thought this was really rare what I was going through. I have confided in a close friend and also a family member who neither had experienced or knew anything about this situation. It’s hard for someone who hasn’t experienced any of this to believe or understand why we would put up with this kind of thing. But when you love someone you keep giving them these chances. Also you always find out after so long that it’s not that you can just give up. It’s really comforting to come on here and read how other people have dealt/are dealing with this and it’s people who actually understand the exact same situation.