[notmyrealname]

Hope you are ok.

[notmyrealname]

Well thanks for the support dan but despite his apparent determination and doing a few days off he has the tell-tale signs this evening and his reasoning when I mentioned it was ‘it’s Friday’ so I think he is not ready again. I’m finding it tricky to not be so upset because reading from you saying how much you want it shows someone can want it and still slip up. But when he says he wants to stop but then messes up I just think he was lying all along. It’s so complicated.

[notmyrealname]

Hi,

Yes I guess it depends what state of mind those people were in at the time but it was also the staff /volunteers whatever they were at this group that down played his problem, if he didn’t have a problem he wouldn’t have been sent to a support/rehabilitation group as a punishment . My husband wasn’t so bad at that point thought but still he needed help and these peoples attitude kind of gave him the green light to get worse not better. He’s got a negative perception of the support groups because that experience was so embarrassing being ridiculed for not being a bad enough addict.

Took your advice last night, we joined the one zoom available at that time and just had a listen. You were right no one was judging what anyone else’s addiction were they just let the person talk it out. I don’t know what he thought of it but as you say it’s upto him. So now I’ve got the zoom set up it’s open to him to go on to it now if he can, I’m not going to go on about it because you were right it has to be his choice.

[notmyrealname]

Thanks for sharing some of your story. It sounds like your partner hit the rock bottom they always talk about then. How long has he been in a psych ward and he isn’t feeling any better and no less of an impulse? You must be relieved he’s locked somewhere safe after everything you been through.

Well it’s very hard to think clearly because he hasn’t been getting in too much debt this year he has a good job which he manages to hold down because almost all of the staff take coke so he doesn’t stand out. So he can afford to put enough to the house we aren’t in any financial difficulty everything gets paid. Before when it got bad I did have to go a food donation one time and when he realised this there was a big turn around and he cut down completely he hadn’t realised it had got so bad. But now I feel like it’s been creeping up little by little. They are all so foolish to think a little bit won’t hurt.

He stopped the wild nights out but even so he can get away with doing little bits at work. He thinks this doesn’t affect anyone else but I don’t want to spend my evenings with someone who isn’t really there.

[notmyrealname]

As the others have said it’s not to do with you, although of course when it’s us telling them of for doing it then we are going to the first one getting the blame back. Unfortunately going the pub for a drink might be something he can’t do. He obviously has some work to do if he wants to change but didn’t identify that himself. Yes he’s still addicted a lot of people say it’s a life long illness and you’re only ever recovering never recovered.

[notmyrealname]

Have you seen danmans comments or posts. I had never heard of it before but he talked a lot about triggers and presumably the pub and probably the alcohol were the triggers to him if you’re saying he not been out in so long. He probably connects these with doing coke if that’s what he did before, that’s how he’s given in so easily after doing well for so long.

[notmyrealname]

Ah your at 50 days again now, well done. You’re keeping it up. I have had a look and there are meeting with ca every day at loads of times. I’m amazed how many there are. I will tell him about that. I know you think he should be looking at it but he doesn’t sort anything out he’s the kind of person who throws the parking ticket off the car and doesn’t sort it out, and that’s not just when hes doing coke he’s always been unorganised. He needs a kick start haha.

[notmyrealname]

Well I’ve already done over a decade so I don’t think it’s easy to walk away.

It has made him lying and manipulative yes.

It’s really stressful because he doesn’t choose the drugs every time he has had some moments this year of being so strong but there are a lot of people around our areas and his workplace who constantly manage to get to him and think it’s a big joke taking coke. Almost all of them don’t have anything to lose or have already lost it so they don’t think it’s any harm and think they’re all having a fun time. He struggles to keep away from these people and he doesn’t now how to fill his time doing normal things that isnt with another coke addict. He doesn’t know a single other person than me that doesn’t take coke.

[notmyrealname]

Hi, yes with mine it was cannabis at first . Then now Cocaine, mdma occasionally and also drinking more alcohol than ever.

Yes I am making sure to take care of myself too thanks.

Yes your exactly right the feelings I get of stress and anxiety are not only if he’s done it but if he hasn’t then I am constantly worrying when it’s going to be and just wishing and hoping he can last a bit longer each time without doing it. That’s right you just wish that you could have a normal life. I know everyone has their own worries and nobody’s life is perfect but I live a clean life and try my best don’t do things to harm or effect anyone else and I find all this upsetting and also embarrassing. I get a lot of stress worrying if anyone I know ever saw him picking this stuff up or taking it as nobody would understand and they would think I’m in on it when I am so against it.

[notmyrealname]

Thanks for replying, it’s not that it’s me that only me wants him to do it but he’s so nervous of it, once he got caught with cannabis and the police punishment was to sent him to a meeting about drug rehabilitation with his friend, But when it was their turn to talk the other addicts were laughing because their addiction was ‘only’ cannabis and a bit of coke.

[notmyrealname]

Ps no we don’t think your insane but you will feel like your going mad living with a person doing these things. The best thing I’ve found to stop myself going or feeling insane is to work on myself. If you can do some exercise make yourself feel better, if you can afford get your hair done or just buy a cheap dye cut a new style yourself , go get your nails done or buy cheap gel nails set online. Take some care of yourself, maybe he will notice or maybe he won’t but that will make you feel even stronger realising your are worth it and you don’t have to spend all of your time worrying about what he’s doing because you have your own life and you are important too. Make sure you have some people around you that you can have a coffee with or a chat about anything else. Do you have a job, if not might be worth applying for one even if only couple hours a week so you can get out there a bit and do your own thing .

[notmyrealname]

People with an addiction problem show a lot of the same signs as an affair. When my husband was acting this way it looked like an affair to me, having been cheated on before it was all the same signs, but I found out it was because of him putting so much effort in to trying to cover the tracks of buying, using and coming down from cocaine or occasionally mdma. If you read through some of the posts you will see people who’ve been the addict explaining this In more detail such as starting arguments to get away to do their habit.

[notmyrealname]

Hi thanks for replying, i only normally comment on other peoples so when I started typing my own it’s gone on quite long so thank you for having the patience to read through and I’m sorry to hear what you have been going through. How are you now? How long has it been? And have you managed to start building you life again?

The problem I have is that I have been through the him having the wild nights out not hotels but friend house parties and the staying out all night and he stopped doing that so he thought he’s doing great and I do appreciate the work he put in there but he thinks I’m being ungrateful to think that’s not enough. The thing to me is with him having such an addictive personality there’s no such thing as doing just a bit here and there because once he’s back in those circles he doesn’t have any control at all.

It breaks my heart because we have had good times where I think he wasn’t doing it all but then I think this is the second time where it’s gone on for a couple of years only the first time I didn’t know about the cocaine so I didn’t understand all the odd behaviour. Now that I know I have tried to be helpful and understanding but im just so angry that he will work so hard and then give all his wages to someone else at the end of the month. I’m angry that he can’t see he’s being taken advantage of.

I spoke to one of his parents about it as they have known he has issues already with him smoking cannabis as a teenager. The only thing was they were making it out to be much worse than an alcoholic in the family and this really annoyed me because addiction is the problem not the particular substance and so I won’t discuss it with them any further. I think this is one of the highest frustrations how society views drug addicts because if someone’s an alcoholic it’s just a bit of fun got out of hand whereas drug addicts are looked down on and with it being illegal it’s hard to talk to people about it.

To be honest I was trying to go with the support and see what we can do rather than leave but I have came close so I can’t say how it will go eventually. He came to a point of deleting and blocking users, dealer which meant he had no friends at all. He was doing well BUT a lot of people that work with him are on it, lots of our neighbours sell it and take it. so basically after lots of hard work he will cave after so many temptations .

With him trying to get away with doing a tiny bit each day we then dont really have the come downs to deal with. Personally I think he should be on some medication. Lots of people have asked if he has ADHD.

[notmyrealname]

How would my husband actually go about joining it? What’s the first step? He hasn’t done anything professional so far as he’s apparently terrified of the repercussions which is ironic considering the number of bad decisions he makes without considering the repercussions of those.

[notmyrealname]

Ha sorry just seen how long my post went on, not likely I will get a response to that rambling on.

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