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Hi David,
I know what you mean there are like two people and you do feel like the good one is lost in there. The only thing is they have chosen to be lost as there are people in recovery who choose not to carry on living this way.
For me it feels more like being cheated on with all the heart break, the apologies the second chances, The other person sneaking around trying not to get caught. And then when they do get caught they are so sorry and regret it yet they go and do it again.
Reading your other answers I would imagine shes only held onto the home, family etc as you have been holding it all together up until 5 weeks ago, I don’t think that she will keep hold of all of this as time goes on. I would say maybe that would be the rock bottom she needs to change her life, but it sounds like that already happened when you met her.
In terms of her having a realisation I don’t think that can ever happen while that lifestyle is still what she wants. In all the years my husbands most dramatic improvement has been the last few months when he started to actually want to change himself.
Have you been keeping busy since you left? Will your furlough be ending soon?
How are you doing david?
O you poor thing so you didn’t get chance to speak to anyone about it yet.
Sorry to hear about your sister. This is a problem they turn to the substance as an unhealthy coping strategy, my husbands the same whenever there has been a family crisis he isn’t there to support me as he goes into some kind of panic mode himself which means he goes and gets cocaine which makes our stress even worse.
Well I think good on you for going down there and trying to keep check of him. How did he seem in himself?
Exactly as much as we can support them we need to remember ourselves too and it’s easy to forget ourselves getting so wrapped in trying to help or fix them.
Exactly, you are probably traumatised of all you have been through with it, I know I feel traumatised from the things I’ve put up with and seen.
Hi thank you, I do feel like I am at my absolute limit at times. I am busy with work and a couple of other hobbies but sometimes they do bring you down when you feel so disappointed it’s just trying not to rest your hopes on them I suppose, I can see why so many people walk away in the end though as all the things that happen from this behaviour don’t turn out to be a good basis for any kind of partnership.
How are you? And how is your mom after having the whole week off them medicine?
I don’t blame you as the drugs make them such persistent liars, and I am sure there have been many times that you have thought you were paranoid but turned out not to be.
Hi,
No it’s been like an emotional roller coaster, he hasn’t been clean all the time, just days on and off so having to put up with the come downs which he doesn’t really have when he’s been doing it constantly. Still have to celebrate and appreciate the effort he has tried to cutting it down. And we did actually have some times when he seemed normal which is unusual for a while.
I hope you had a good Easter.
Glad you are ok. Was worried to see your messages last night. At least you made the most of your morning still. What did you do about the girl having his phone number? Will be thinking of you tomorrow and wishing you luck with it all.
How are you doing? Did you have a talk with him? How is he getting on now?
Of course I understand your struggles to let go of her. But is there anything for you in all this? . When you say you remember the good in her, how long has it been since you’ve seen that person? It sounds like she’s very deep in it at the moment and doesn’t want to change at all.
Hi yes it depends what point I talk to him to how far the conversation gets. Some times he is very serious about it being a problem that he needs to work on and other times I’m accused of wanting to control him etc but having read up on so many other peoples posts it seems very predictable behaviour. It seems like the more knowledge we can gather the better as when we don’t know much about it we can’t understand what is happening. Finding out more is helping for myself not just for him.
Hi yes my partner is a cocaine addict so I completely understand. he lives with me and we have young children so it is more difficult to detach. When I have asked him to leave in the past he wouldn’t go and if I was to leave I would have to make plans for rehousing me and the kids. I feel that you are fortunate in that your housing situation doesn’t rely on them.
From reading up on it I have recognised that ours is probably a co dependency of sorts so I am going to be working on that, I only heard of it a couple of days ago so there’s much for me to learn.
Yes they can be the nicest people when they are at their best, Iv never met anyone like my husband but reading on here he sounds exactly like everyone else when he’s at his worst.
I know exactly how you feel about being embarrassed, cringey ashamed at some of their behaviour that why I chose this user name as before I really read lots of posts on here I was so ashamed I thought I was quite alone in what I was experiencing.