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Tell me about it… living with a child!
And a selfish one at that. I have more fulfilling conversations with my 15 year old son than I do my partner… that says a lot
I’m 50 and I was married for 20 years to someone older. Never for one minute thought I would end up in this situation!
How old are you? I’m well past the point where I thought I would be dealing with this kind of shit. He’s 36 too so not a kid anymore. His dad died last December and I don’t think they had a good relationship… he was a bully (like father like son) but he’s taking to drugs to deal with it. If he asked me for help I would help him but he’s too damm proud!
I’m the same. He threatens to leave but won’t and if I ask him to leave I’m the bad guy.
We are on our final chance.
It’s the disrespect of how I feel about it that’s the worst. He just doesn’t care how I feel and worse still says I’m overreacting!
Yeah I get that. He said the next time I attack him is the last! I said the next time you do drugs is the last. So let’s see what happens.
Just amazes me how he has no insight into how his behaviour affects others.
He doesn’t even get that him going to prison will have affected his mum… totally weird!
My partner hasn’t used since 5th September but only because we’ve pretty much been arguing since then!
He basically insists he’s done nothing wrong (and if he has its only to himself) despite him doing it in the house for 9 months now when I have repeatedly asked/begged him not to and my 15 year old son lives here.
He said he’s exhausted with my obsession about it!
He’s in the spare room atm, still working very hard but other than that he contributes nothing really to my quality of life.
I still care about him but certainly not like I did. I worshipped him at one point.
He blames me for getting angry and upset and uses excuses etc.
Just not sure there is any way back for us as he doesn’t care about my feelings (not specific to this situation but he’s like this in general). Says my standards are to high and the perfect person doesn’t exist.
No idea if we have a future anymore.
Like you say its a trust issue and I’m not relaxed with him anymore like I used to be.
I have learnt all that already. I would be surprised if he did leave something lying around as he’s very conscientious (sounds ridiculous in the context of what we are talking about I know!) but yes of course that a possibility.
He’s not a bad man but he needs help with whatever problems he has that he thinks crack will help solve.
And I can’t dedicate myself to that cause 🙁
Definitely… I’ve literally just found out my ex husband has prostate cancer too. Also my work is stressful. I can’t cope with the extra stress. I’ve told him today by message it has to stop. That I’ll help him if he wants but he first has to admit he has a problem.
If he still doesn’t stop I’ll have to ask him to leave. Even if its temporary while he sorts himself out. But at least it will be away from me and my son
Its definitely not the life I want for the future that much I know 🙁
He refuses to talk about it too (unless he’s used) so I’m stuck and everything I say sounds like an ultimatum which makes him worse.
Its a no win situation for everyone.
Yes you are right… I know the answer but I’m too afraid to do it. Stupid really.
I keep thinking next time… next time.
After telling his mum initially, he asked me not to stress his mum with it all (she’s Portuguese and recently widowed). I have since respected that. But I have asked him to keep it away from me and my son and he’s not respecting this wish of mine. Sat with me all evening last night and had the audacity to question why I’m upset because “I’ve been with you all evening, what’s so bad?”
I know I have to make the decision. It is helpful hearing other people’s stories though… if only to make me accept nothing I say or do will stop this from happening.
I told him I don’t see a happy ending and that’s such a shame, I feel so sad
He says he would never allow my son to find out and wanted to keep the door to his office locked but I put a stop to that.
He says he would hate for my son to go down that path.
But then why can’t he see how wrong it is to do it in the house where he lives?
Never mind the consequence for me. If his Dad found out I would have to admit that I had allowed it. Its unacceptable of him to do it and unacceptable of me to allow it.
The other problem is he doesn’t want to do it on the streets. He stays home and sits in his room having time to do things he normally is too tired for. E.g. building a drone. He’s pleasant and almost more loving on it. Although he’s very annoying as he never stops talking, but he’s almost nicer.
But in-between times he never gets out of bed. He has no desire to do things with me as a couple, no interest in normal things – that’s not new btw he’s always been like that. For him its an escape from the boredom and stress of everyday life.
I understand all that I really do. But I simply can’t accept it because it is illegal and highly addictive.
He’s definitely lying to himself and me. He thinks its no worse than alcohol. I drank too much for a while and have since cut right back, but at least its legal.
I just can’t get over how he thinks its acceptable to do it in the house where my 15 year old son lives. Regardless of how discreet he is about it. Its insane!
Then yesterday he said I’m not helping by getting angry or upset.
What does he want from me?!!
See mine only uses about once a week atm and he has money to spend on other things. But we are only 9 months in and its already gone from once or twice at the beginning to every week now.
I’m petrified I have to be honest.
Thanks… was / is yours a daily user? Did / does he work?
Mine thinks he’s in control because he maintains a job and puts money first
My partner has a really strong work ethic and says he will never jeopardise that. Said he wouldn’t use on a work day. Although he used last night and has work today 🙁
He says he hasn’t got a problem and he’s taken before and stopped without a problem. But he spent 4 years in prison for drug trafficking (cannabis) so for all I know it was an enforced stop.
He also takes a very low dose of Buprenorphine which I’ve found out is for opoid addiction although he denies he’s ever been addicted to heroin.
He finally told me after along time he had a problem with sleeping pills and alcohol for a while which he got help for and anti-depressants but he hated them and refuses to take them again.
I think he may have depression or ADHD or even aspergers, and he’s self-medicating. I also know he had a difficult childhood with this Dad as he always talks about him when he’s used and his mum told me he was a very difficult man. He also has covert narcissistic tendencies and our relationship has been very rocky which I’m sure hasn’t helped the situation.
I think he needs help but I think he needs to want to get help, and as I said he’s in denial atm.
I just feel totally despondent and anxious, not even angry anymore just scared for the future