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My heart goes out to everyone who is affected by a heroin addict. I hope I am not judged I too am a heroin addict, but the difference is I am living a programme of abstinence through na twelve steps. I got complacent in my recovery and had all the material things in life the nice bought house, the job all the exterior things, but I hadn’t worked the 12 steps and was only a matter of time that I would return to my poison. My partner (well now ex partner was secretly using behind my back) leave him right? If it were only that simple as I was 7 months pregnant to him. I wanted to help him foolishly I only enabled his addiction and I was only doing this until he started a prescription and could go back into a 12 step recovery programme and everything would work out right? Wrong, he made me feel so loved and adored I had never felt that before in my entire life, but as soon as I stopped funding his addiction he turned into a monster doing anything for drugs he conned me out of over £2,000 when I was pregnant not to mention the money lost I’d put down on flats etc I was in so much emotional pain and wasn’t getting to any narcotics anonymous meetings I only had his Mum (as mine couldn’t care less) all she did was allow his behaviour justifying his actions and promised he’d stop eventually for the sake of our son. I started self harming before I returned to my drug of choice heroin! I am clean again and have no contact with my ex partner he turned out to be an evil narcissist who was abusing me by term known as “gas lightening” oh it’s her mental health nothing to do with the fact he was lying, stealing and bullying me every day. It makes me physically sick I loved this man and was blind by love I have had a horrific life in and out of care since 4 years old and sexually abused then I got married and he raped me yet I managed to stop using for a better life for me and my son. I know using is not the answer, but I am struggling with feeling feelings and relating to others experiences on this page. I feel that because I too am a heroin addict despite in recovery cannot get the same recognition in the likes of alanon for support. I feel judged because I am an addict too. Nobody can get an addict clean sadly, it’s a choice they must make for themselves when the consequences are sorer than the need for the high. My advice would be to run a mile and find a nice partner that loves you and doesn’t abuse drugs!

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