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To be honest I’m not sure if she does love me . I know she says it but it’s only when she’s using she says it and that’s the only time she really wants me is when she’s on a come down.
It’s just so hard at the minute cos I just want the girl back I fell in love with but once you have been an addict you will be an addict for the rest of your life .
I saw a stat that only 10percent of people can get away from it once you have been addicted to it . In the UK is everywhere and I mean everywhere .
I’m like you I’m not sure is this person who put me 1st above anything will ever return or will I always be 2nd and 3rd best to coke and her coke friends …which I will not tolerate , for my sake and also for hers . I’m not letting our relationship stoop that low as we were never like that
Friday night she texted me saying she wants us to get back together. She still wants us to sell the house and she wants us to move to a different location. She said she didn’t know how to sort it out tho as she’s obviously told her family that I was the problem !
So we are in a bit of a mess because we have accepted an offer on the house now .
But the thing I’m struggling with is if I can trust her again . We went out yesterday and she was constantly on her phone then she went to stay in her nans . So she could of gone anywhere last night and done anything then back to he nans and I wouldn’t know .
As she doesn’t tell her nan when she’s staying with me cos otherwise they would ask her , well if he’s so bad and it’s over , why are you staying there .
There’s just a whole web of lies she’s trying to keep ontop off and keep everyone happy and away from the truth .
She said she loved me last night for the first time in months so I’m not sure if things are starting to hit home now or not.
She has told me she’s phoned the gp today to try and get into rehab . I’m not sure if it’s true or not as there’s no way of me knowing ….
That’s the problem I really have now is all the trust has gone , cos she’s lies about the littlest things now ….
Yeah your absolutely right , I’m the only one who can see what’s shes doing . I’ve lived with her for 2 years while she’s been taking coke .
When I finally told her family it was a massive move for me to make and one I didn’t talk lightly .
But I did it because I wanted eveyone else to help as much as I had been doing on my own .
But it was easier for them to bury there heads in the sand and take her word for it intsead of mine .
Her dad said to me , she’s saying she’s only took it once or twice , and she’s only taking it because of your toxic relationship and I have to believe her over you .
I said , she’s a drug addict and they lie . Why would I make this up ?!
But like I said most of these issues are from child hood trauma from her mum and dad , so no wonder they don’t want to know .
They really lack empathy massively , it’s not there fault it’s just what addiction does . We’ve lost everything because of this and it’s like she doesn’t even know whats going on
I can tell you that when they are in addiction it changes there brain massively . My partner has lost all her none coke friends as she has no time for them . Her only friends are the dealer and 1 friend she uses with.
Hardly sees any of her family any more . I think they push us away because they can’t handle the things they know they have done to us , the lies the stealing etc…they know deep down that they have done wrong , but this drug takes over there life’s . My partner never spent a night away from me in 8 years , until she started taking coke then she was always staying in friends .
She’s pushed me away loads of times before and I think she does it because she tells me she doesn’t want me to waste my life with her . It’s like she’s given up trying to fight the addiction and doesn’t want it to hurt me .
It’s such a hard position to be in as one day they want help and Want to change , and you finally think the penny has dropped but then a few hours later they don’t have a problem …..
Isn’t it mad how our stories are very similar.
I told her whole family a month ago and she turned it round on me saying she’s only done it a few times to escape our toxic relationship.
It wasn’t toxic before she started doing coke . We were engaged , planning on having a baby etc…
Then the coke started . The lies , the manipulation, she would hit him , call me all the names under the sun , try to make it out it’s all my fault .
She turned up here last Monday and 3am in the morning after using . Wanted to sleep here so I could hold her and keep her safe . Crying she wants help …then in the morning it’s all forgotten about.
Sad as it seems I don’t want to move on because I still love her very much and I’m praying that she turns back into the girl I fell in love with .
But I don’t know if that will ever happen . As coke takes there soul and there values and they will put that first over everything .
Until they are high then they realize how bad they have been and want to change . But when it wears off they are the same vile person again and all they are interested in is getting some more .
She told me she loved me last night , first time in ages , but I think she just said it to try and make me feel better as she knows how much she’s hurting me.
I’m also so sorry for what your going through . Coke is the most evil drug on the planet .
Honestly my life over the last 2 years has really knocked me for 6 . We were best friends not just partners , been together for 10 years . I’ve been there for her through 3 mental health break downs and been her rock for her everytime. She was so greatful for me sticking by her and it made us even closer ….then she started using coke to self medicate , then that’s when it all went crazy . The hardest part for me is seeing her but not even recognising who she is any more , her values are just so distorted and has done so many things to me to hurt me , she would of never done this to me in the past . Cocaine is the devil it really is .
On Friday night I had a text of my ex , she said she’s sorry for everything and she wants me back more than anything . But we have just sold our house and will be gone in a few weeks , she said she wants to sell it and move further away ….I had a phone call the following morning from a rehab center , she gave them my number as she’s had a new number and couldn’t remember hers . I asked them what time did she request the rehab info and it was 5am in the morning so she was clearly on it that night . She then came home that morning and slept from 10am till 10am the following morning . Woke up today an I’m the most vile person she’s ever known . Heart breaking really . She only cares about me when she’s using …. otherwise she hates me
Hiya ,
You will never be able to control his addiction . Trust me , I’ve been trying to control my partner/ex partners addiction for 2 years and I learned the hard way that no matter what you do or what you say , the grip of addiction changes them and you need to come accept you are no longer number one in his life .
You now have a 3rd person in this relationship and he will chose his addiction over you and over himsekf every single time .
This does not mean he doesn’t love you or he doesn’t want to stop , but in the grip of addiction there is a little devil on there shoulder telling them why they should have a drink , how it will make things better , how it’s not a problem . Addiction is a Brian disease so please don’t hold it against him .
My advice to you is to look after yourself , mentally and physically . Otherwise you will be come addicted to his addiction . Like I did , and it broke me and made me very ill and I still am . He is no longer the same person , so you are about to be tested to your very limit . Stick some clear boundaries down and you must be prepared to stick by them . This is for your own sanity .
Keep posting and asking for help as this forum is amazing , as we’ve all been there and walked the walk you are about to take , we all think , no our loved ones won’t end up that bad , but addiction is addiction and with out professional treatment it always gets worse …
Take a look at YouTube and search for Dr Gabon Mate , educate your self what addiction is . He’s not trying to hurt you he’s trying to survive and deal with some kind of emotional trauma.
Take care and people are always here for you …..
Why is it they lack so much empathy, this is a girl that I’ve picked up from 3 serious mental health break downs over 10 years , been her rock and supported her when no 1 else cared for her . We were engaged before she started taking it and now she’s so vile towards me , has hit me many times called names …is this who she is now ?
. Your words are so helpful to me . My partner of ten years has also left me and says she loves me but isn’t in love with me . We’ve just sold our house we had together as she’s so unhappy with me . Even tho we got engaged before she started her 2 year coke addiction . Now all this it’s my fault has come out because I told her family how bad it all was . She didn’t admit it and just blamed our relationship, now her family have pushed us to sell our house and she’s up for it because I suppose she doesn’t have to admit what she’s doing to them . She got sent home from work yesterday . Apparently she’s broken up about our relationship , when if fact she came home didn’t mention a word about us and she slept from the time she got home in the morning till this morning ! But tells me she’s stopped now
Hiya sunny . Your words are so helpful to me . My partner of ten years has also left me and says she loves me but isn’t in love with me . We’ve just sold our house we had together as she’s so unhappy with me . Even tho we got engaged before she started her 2 year coke addiction . Now all this it’s my fault has come out because I told her family how bad it all was . She didn’t admit it and just blamed our relationship, now her family have pushed us to sell our house and she’s up for it because I suppose she doesn’t have to admit what she’s doing to them . She got sent home from work yesterday . Apparently she’s broken up about our relationship , when if fact she came home didn’t mention a word about us and she slept from the time she got home in the morning till this morning ! But tells me she’s stopped now
Hiya sunny . Your words are so helpful to me . My partner of ten years has also left me and says she loves me but isn’t in love with me . We’ve just sold our house we had together as she’s so unhappy with me . Even tho we got engaged before she started her 2 year coke addiction . Now all this it’s my fault has come out because I told her family how bad it all was . She didn’t admit it and just blamed our relationship, now her family have pushed us to sell our house and she’s up for it because I suppose she doesn’t have to admit what she’s doing to them . She got sent home from work yesterday . Apparently she’s broken up about our relationship , when if fact she came home didn’t mention a word about us and she slept from 11am till 5am , but to me she’s telling me she’s not using ….