Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Hi K023, I’m so sorry to hear your story it all sounds really familiar… Firstly, I think you really need some support, I’m saying this as I tried to manage by myself, I was ashamed to tell my friends and ended up struggling to cope. There is a charity who often on here who offer counselling and support but to be honest just talking to someone, knowing I was not the only one with a child who was an addict and that it wasn’t my fault really helped. My son is now 2 1/2 years clean after a battle with all kinds of drugs. Getting clean came from him, he went to rehab and relapsed several times, we sent him away to family away from influences but he still found drugs…we took control of his money, took away his car keys . He finally hit rock bottom , his good friends deserted him and he lost several to overdoses.In the end , just when I’d given up hope he found AA and CA a good sponsor and found his way. Please keep the faith, he will get there , you sound like an amazing mum. You sound like you’re getting tougher and not enabling him (which is key but so hard to do!!) would he agree to join a support group do you think?
Hi ButtonBoy, I shed a few tears when I read your post this morning, I am so pleased for you. You and I were going through really bad times with our sons at about the same time last year and I too felt the same complete despair. My son too is now clean since about September and is working, attending therapy and daily NA and AA, he is even supporting others. He has even started to do nice things for us, whereas previously he would only contact if he needed money…which hadn’t happened for so many years. You are absolutely right though the rehab, laying awake all night, constant worrying and ‘helping’ didn’t make any difference! The decision to be clean came from him in the end , not sure what the turning point was, but after 7 long years he decided to stop. Like you I worry every day, his MH is Often fragile but the signs are positive. Just wanted to say to those of you in this awful situation to not give up hope xx
You are doing so well, better than I did! I literally came to the end of the road emotionally with my son and his dad stepped in and he went to live with him. After a few weeks he couldn’t cope and he sent my son to stay with his grandmother in Switzerland ( poor her!) whilst we looked for a therapeutic community or long term rehab. My son never came back , I think the fear of rehab again was too much. He is now living and working out there, still early days and it has been a long road but fingers crossed x
Hi Jennifer, Yes I know that feeling only too well! I’m so sorry it’s so awful , I felt so alone. I tried to hide my son away from people and his nice friends said they couldn’t cope with him any more and others said they were too embarrassed to be seen with him. He went to watch his friends at a rugby match took ketamine at half time and couldn’t walk or talk. I think his friends disowning him actually was the trigger to try and get clean. We are always here if you need to chat, it’s difficult to talk to family and friends. It’s funny how you still feel protective of them even when they are so awful! Xx
Button Boy, if you did move would your son come too? X
Button Boy you have nothing to be ashamed of. Our sons were unlucky that they became addicted, as so many people try drugs but don’t get addicted. I think also as parents we automatically blame ourselves but honestly I think we mistakenly think we have more influence over our children than we actually do! You are not responsible for your sons actions and are not a bad parent. The reasons our kids and not others became addicted are so complex. It’s awful too that we feel ashamed, but those people who judge are very fortunate to not have to suffer as we do! Button boy my son is still doing well in Switzerland , still clean and things are looking positive. Please don’t give up. This time last year he was given 6 months to live x
Hi All, yes my son is incredibly lucky that he has somewhere to escape too, I honestly believe and he recognises that if he stays in our town he won’t be able to break the cycle but it took 3 years for him to reach that conclusion! I was looking into therapeutic communities before his grandmother offered to try and help, not many in UK though! Thinking of you all and just keep hoping our boys can be strong and turn that corner. Best wishes All
Hi Lou1321, he is doing really well. He is living with his Grandma in Switzerland, his choice he wanted to be away from influences here. 4 months clean and he has just got himself a job, has learned to play guitar and joined the rugby team. Small steps but am hopeful thank you for asking. How is your son, any improvement? Xx
Hi Lou1321, he is doing really well. He is living with his Grandma in Switzerland, his choice he wanted to be away from influences here. 4 months clean and he has just got himself a job, has learned to play guitar and joined the rugby team. Small steps but am hopeful thank you for asking
I’m so sorry! It’s so unbelievably difficult in every way and rig21 the attitude of the police is appalling!!! I honestly believe that the problem is out of control in our society and people are too ashamed to talk about it! Let’s just wait until an MP’s child/loved one is affected then maybe some better support / action will be taken. I am currently in therapy trying to make sense of it all and it’s helping me to stop blaming myself and trying to understand something that isn’t logical – addiction! My son has been clean for 4 months but is DJ ing tonight at a club and I’m terrified he will relapse, but I have to accept there’s nothing I can do and he has to make the choice xx
Thank you DN anon and I truly hope that things improve with you son. It’s just so sad when you hear yet another family suffering, I wish I had a magic wand!!! We cannot stop hoping that our sons get better xx
Oh button boy I’m so sorry! Please don’t give up hope!!!! My son did this too, 2 months clean new job etc then started using again . It then hit rock bottom and his friends left him etc. He is now 4 months clean. We cannot give up, he will get there!!! I’ll be thinking of you xx
Oh Button Boy, I’m so sorry!!! How horrendous! As for feeling relief for a moment, I’ve been having the same thoughts about my son on several occasions these past few weeks because we too are at our wits end and the other night I too was convinced he’d died. It’s absolute torment and I veer from despising him to feeling so sorry for the pathetic creature he’s become from my lovely little boy. You don’t deserve this, you have done nothing wrong!!! It’s an impossible way to live isn’t it, sharing your home with someone like that, trying to track their every move. What is your GP like? I dragged my son into the doctors and the GP took one look at him and alerted the crisis team. You could even call them and say you are worried he’s going to kill himself then I think they will have to respond? I’m so sorry x
I’m so sorry it’s so hard to understand isn’t it! It sounds very much like my 23 year old son. They are both clearly unwell but can’t seem to find the strength to stick at being sober and clean. I veer from being so angry and frustrated with my son to desperately sorry for him. I wish I had an answer for you x
Hi Lolaleigh, I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s the hardest thing to watch and yes it’s hearbreaking that they are so unhappy to need to do this to themselves. I am currently trying to get my son to go to rehab again but he is still against it despite his life not being able to sink any lower. Your brother is lucky to have you and he knows that you’re there when he’s ready to accept help. Good luck and stay strong . You’re not on your own x