[paw_x]

Thanks so much James. It can just be so hard to get your head around how someone can betray you repeatedly but you made it make so much sense there.

We bought the house, and then just a month and a half later he announced the most recent relapse, so it’s so much more devastating now as I feel like I can’t just back out or run away to protect my own mental health. It felt – to me – almost like he’s done this so I couldn’t leave the relationship as easily as I might have before, but your explanation of how he might have been feeling was really helpful to understand why he made the choices he did. He’s now away to a rehab clinic for two weeks and when he comes out I’ll probably still need a lot of time and space to see whether he’s really serious this time.

Sober, he’s my soulmate, my everything. The most wonderful man. But there’s just so much to weigh up when that other side to him is destroying you inside.

Thanks again for your time and advice, it really is invaluable x

[paw_x]

Hi James,

I wanted to ask about the consciousness of addict’s decisions when they’re relapsing. My partner has admitted relapsing 3 times in the last 8 months or so. It’s likely he’s been using almost the entire time but he just didn’t want to admit it for long periods of time. I would constantly ask if he was okay or struggling as we were making huge decisions (buying a house with a big mortgage so I kept saying if you think this will be a problem you need to tell me and we can back out etc.), but he kept saying it was being sorted and he was fine. What I want to know is did he believe this was true and just lost control or was he lying to be able to keep using even though he knew it would come crashing down? I know I’m not an addict so it would be good to have it explained from that perspective?

Thank you x

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