[peanut13]

I’ve stumbled upon this forum and spent the last 2 days reading through the posts, it’s shocking and sad to see so many going through a similar situation.

My situation is that I recently discovered the extent of my partners issues. I thought he had a handle on them as his previous disappearing acts had calmed down (instead of once a week he’d have a late night out maybe once every 6 weeks), he rarely went out after work for a couple hours and I believed he wasn’t associating with people he knew to be really into cocaine. All the signs that things were improving were there, he even used to get so mad at me if I made a reference to his drug taking, along the lines of ‘I’m trying so hard and yet you still think I’m a cokehead’ being really defensive and frustrated at me for thinking less of him when he’s saying he hasn’t touched the stuff in a long time.

This weekend he did a disappearing act after work, only for a few hours but earlier in the day I’d found a wrap in the tumble dryer which had obviously been in his pocket. I made a reference in a text about him taking drugs but not telling him what I’d found and he again hit me with ‘you and your drug allegations well done when you said you wouldn’t do this.’ something told me to look through his phone, something I never do and I saw a message to his dealer whilst at work asking for 3 grams to be delivered to him, on a midweek lunchtime. This was done by bank transfer and so I looked at his online banking and found huge sums of money being transferred every few days with 9 grams being paid for in the space of 4 days.

I had all good intentions to bring it to him in a compassionate way to work through it, but anger got the better of me and we had a huge argument. He punched the TV, was aggressive towards me and behaved vile. I was awful with my words calling him all the names under the sun and told him to pack his stuff and go.

We haven’t spoken in 3 days and likely won’t for a while. But I’m actually 7 months pregnant with our second child and so conflicted.

His personality is to shut down, lash out, block everyone and hide away whilst blaming everyone else for his problems and I’m currently enemy number 1. I don’t know whether to reach out to him knowing he’s angry and will not accept anything from me, or leave him to it as he has to accept and face his problems and I feel as though I need to prioritise myself and son (because he’s certainly not given us a second thought or concern right now). I also feel that I should be there for him.. I’ve told his family all I know and let them take over dealing with him because I just don’t have it in me right now to try but I wish I’d handled the situation differently so that I could have been supportive.. It’s so hard.

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