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Wow, they sound very similar, our men!
My husband finally mentioned being abused when he was in his mid 50’s. He’d blocked it out so thoroughly he’d never mentioned it to counsellors or anyone and it took a massive skinful plus near hypothermia from being drunk out in the rain one night before it came out.
I wonder if you are somewhere that has a peer support talking group which meets on a Monday night. I don’t think I’m allowed to name them. My one benefits a lot from going there; he didn’t get on with the local addiction group, either. I wish I could tell you the name of the rehab joint we used, they were fab, even though it meant a four hour each way drive to Halstead for visiting.
I, too, hope yours has been sober for the last two weeks. That’s quite an achievement and something really positive to build on.
Don’t feel embarrassed; there’s no shame in being married to someone with alcoholism, it’s an illness like any other.
You don’t mention if he has sought any kind of help, other than your trip to A & E. If he’s drunk daily and hiding bottles around the place then it would be good if he could go to see his GP for help with the addiction and with the underlying causes as it sounds to me like he’s using alcohol to self-medicate for his mental ill health.
I have a lot of sympathy for you because my husband is much the same. He was abused by a family member as a child and his parents failed to protect him. This has led to depression, anxiety and some well-buried anger which all finally came to the surface about four years ago when he was pulled over on the M1 absolutely plastered. He went downhill fast, from functioning at work to being drunk at home all day and, after some months of this with all the attendant lying, spitefulness, illogical behaviour and general idiocy I got him into a rehab facility.
It worked so well. A month of counselling and AA meetings and he came home sober and determined to keep on with his recovery, so I would urge you to persuade your husband to get help because if he wants to get well there is support out there.
Unfortunately things went wrong again in February and his occasional lapses are now happening often enough that we need to take action again. However, that’s another story. I just wanted to encourage you that your man can get better if he wants to. Chin up!