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Here where im sitting infront of my laptop at the moment my heart is breaking into a million pieces that will never ever be whole again. I met a girl on our support group (Opiate painkillers for me, i was under a truck with my bike in 2018 and got addicted to painkillers) She was so vunerable and unstable because her boyfriend of 3 years left her at that exact time. We made a suicide pact together, but we never went through with it, as i fell completely in love with her. But she didnt want to get into a relationship which i underestood. I did however said some bad things to her that triggered her, but to me it wasnt that offensive at all) But ive got a huge part in this as well, and im beating myself over it every day. Last week she went on a binge and she fell asleep in my arms. When she woke up, she thought i was an intrufer somehow, still dont understand it, and chased me out of her flat at 1am in the morning and my cousin came and oicked me up. Stuff like this happened 5 times over the course of 3 months already, and i made a restraining order against her. I know she is hurting so badly, and im badly hurt, But we dont speak at all now, her ex husband wants her back seriously and made death threats against me and tried to get me fired by posting stuff on our company facebook page. And this is after i cared for her, gave her money for food, quite a few bucks, and i was her best friend. and it was the start of something great. But now everything is back to her oild self where she meet up with her druggie friends, and God only knows whats happening at the moment. This has broken me in half, like no other lady in my life has ever done. I am now truly for the first time really really broken. My cat even died at exactly the same time. Its been a very bad 2 weeks for me, as ive lost friends, my love of life, my cat, everything. im just working myself into oblivion so that my mind cannot wander. Ive even made up all my plans, got my will ready, got my funeral policies, and all other arrangements made. the only thing still to do is the THING. But im a sissy that cannot go through with it as im too scared, I dont know where my life is taking me now. but im back at square one where i locked myself out of society for 5 years after the bike accident. no friends, no family. nobody. and its one of the reasons why her being in my life was such lifesaver. Cheers everybody. I hope all of you the best and may your lifes turn for the best. xxx, Pieter Vickers